Lose weight 5

firrybabe

thanks for the tips.Gonna do some baking I think.

I've a lovely lunch planned for when I'm at work tomorrow I even prepared a fruit bowl.

My diet was in danger of getting binned but am gonna keep going. I keep making excuses not to diet, but I feel like rubbish and the only way to not feel bad is to do something about it.

I've been saying I am fed up of counting points so am gonna try the ww no count plan and see how I go.

I am also gonna be patient with myself. I can't expect my eating habits and lifestyle to suddenly change over night but I can work on erasing the bad habits over the next few weeks and introduce better ones.

cheekymole

Good for you firrybabe, keep thinking like that with a positive mind and things will get much better

Burlesque_Babe

God, what a mess.........

I apologise in advance if this is a long post........

September 2004, I weighed in at SW at 20 stone 9. Gross. I'm 35 and 5ft 7. since the age of 14 I've done everything WW, SW, Xenical, appetite suppressants, Slimming Magazine, eaten nothing over 6 grammes of fat, Paul McKenna tapes, you name it, I've done it. I would lose a bit, then get bored. Food is my addiction. I was skinny until I was 14, then it went on so quickly - literally my age was the same as my dress size.

I was motivated though because I'd managed to leave a controlling partner of 14 years and felt life was turning around. The SW class was about half a mile away and my new chap, although not openly saying it, I knew wasn't happy at my size, even though I'd been that size when we met just after my split with my ex.

May 2005, I'd lost over 4 stone. I was down to 16 stone 5 and a size 20. I knew I had a long way to go (I've been overweight since I was 14), but my next aim was 15 stone. The weight I was at 19, when I met my ex.

Then , it all slowly started to go downhill. I went on holiday for a week in July and put on 8 pounds. I was involved in a TV cookery competition two weeks later and put on 6 pounds in the 2 weeks running up to the filming of it. I lost a few of the gained pounds but by October 2005, I was back up to 17 stone 7. I had run out of vouchers forSW (I used by buy the books of 10) but as I was doing the weigh ins and we always had a relief consultant and it was a tiny group, I just felt Iwas wasting my money. Also, by then it didn't matter what I did, the pounds did not come off, they were creeping on. I told my OH I was going it alone and he agreed that it wasn't good value for money. Discovering MSE at the same time meant I could get access to the password as well, so I thought i'd be fine.

Wrong. Christmas 2005 and I'd put back on nearly 2 stone. New Year and my OH mentions it. Clothes are tight and he says he can see I have put weight back on.

The comments have slowly continued to the point where I was in tears in a restaurant in Amsterdam 3 weeks ago when he made a comment. He is a heavy smoker and I try to explain that to me, reaching for food is like him reaching for another cigarette. He does it out of habit, when he is bored, alone, fancies one, realises he can't have one for a while (he smoked 5 in 25 minutes at Amsterdam airport), but he has never tried giving up and just can't get his head around the fact that smoking and food addiction can ever be similar.

Last Sunday evening. Another comment about how I was 'doing so well last year' and I gave it all up. I pushed the food away saying I was full and he said , no I wasn't, Iwas just doing it because he had said something. I tried to explain that deciding to lose weight needed a (to me) a certain mind set, I eat when I'm lonely, bored, de-motivated, unhappy and to break that cycle of eat/guilt is extremely hard. He couldn't gethis head around it at all and said, why don't you take a week to think about it. At the end of the week, decide , i'm either going to lose weight......or I'm not.....

It felt like a bit of an ultimatum.........all week, I've eaten as much junk as possible. I've had 3 Kit Kat chunkies and a portion of chips today and i've had so much bread (my biggest downfall) it's unbelievable. I've made puddings, I've made banana muffins, I've eaten so much sugary stuff I've started to feel ill and have headaches. I think I've done it to make myself feel so rotten that I feel relieved to start (yet another) diet.

I even looked during the week at having a lap band done. But I don't have the 6-10k and it doesn't guarantee success in all patients.

So, tonight is the night. I don't want to be fat. I want to be a size 14-16. I want to be 11 stone 7. i don't want to be reliant on food as my crutch.

Crunch time. I guess there is only one answer really - I get on the scales in the morning and see the damage I've done over the last few weeks since I last weighed myself. I don't expect I'm much under 19 stone. I'm crying now, because I know how stupid i've been, but I know when i'm eating how stupid I'm being, but seomthing just drives me on to eat and eat and eat. I eat very little processed food at home (I'm a passtionate cook), but just lots and lots of food generally.

The biggest problem for me with SW was that with green days, I just stopped losing weight after the initial rapid loss. I was never a real fan of red ones although the weight did come off quicker. As soon as I starting mixing the carbs and the proteins, the weight went back on.

So, what to do........I did think about just trying to have three sensible meals a day - i've written down cereal and skimmed milk for breakfast tomorrow, slim a soup mid morning, beans on brown bread toast for lunch, another slim a soup late afternoon and pork and pasta for dinner. I don't get lunch until 3.30 and dinner isn't before 8.30.

Or try SW again? I've got all the books, access to the website..........I don't know.....I'm not motivated in any way not like I know I feel when i'm starting a diet usually (I get overly keen and so motivated I never slip up - well, until I plateau , then it all comes crashing down)........

I'm sorry for such a terribly negative post.........but I'm feeling demotivated, confused, scared, all because I want to start again, but know already my heart isn't in it.....but I know the comments will continue if I don't do something and I know deep down how unhappy I am being the weight I am..........

cheekymole

Oh Keren, you nearly had me in tears reading your post. Things aren't so bad - you obviously realise what you need to do and sound to me as though you really want to give it a good. You must do it for yourself though and not for anybody else.
I know you've tried to tell your OH how you feel but you need to try again. He relies on ciggies and you rely on food - can you both be supportive of each other i.e. he doesn't like how much food you eat, you don't like how many fags he smokes, can we BOTH do something about it?
I think things may be easier for you if you joined a class too, the support is good (if you get the right one) Do you do any exercise? Maybe just a daily 20 minute walk builing it up gradually. Cut out all the bad things in your diet but have an occasional treat otherwise it will get boring.
Can you buy youself a nice outfit (one size smaller) and aim to be looking that glamorous one size smaller by a certain date.
Do you have friends who will support you?

I see by your signature that your debt is getting lower and will get even lower by not buying as much food so you can win on both counts.

Keren, wipe the tears, be strong, aim for your goal (with or without the OH's help) and BE HAPPY

Life's too short

Sarahsaver

Keren I had a controlling EX who actually WANTED me to be fat. I was getting to the point when i was squeezing into a size 18 about 5 years ago, and now I am an 8 to 10. If there are other problems food can be the thing whoch either gets blamed or masks another issue beneath. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Trouble with 'dieting' is that it makes you think about ...FOOD! Constantly :rolleyes:

I have a place in the cupboard where I used to keep chocolate and now I have nuts and dried fruit there so I can still 'sneak' something out of the cupboard and it IS a treat because it's something I like.
Have a look at the old style board and get some inspiration from the recipes there! And do NOT buy junk food! Then you cannot eat it;)
Lap bands are very dangerous, and I hope you consider ALL other options before that.
HUGS
Best of luck.

Burlesque_Babe

cheekymole wrote:

Oh Keren, you nearly had me in tears reading your post. Things aren't so bad - you obviously realise what you need to do and sound to me as though you really want to give it a good. You must do it for yourself though and not for anybody else.
I know you've tried to tell your OH how you feel but you need to try again. He relies on ciggies and you rely on food - can you both be supportive of each other i.e. he doesn't like how much food you eat, you don't like how many fags he smokes, can we BOTH do something about it?
I think things may be easier for you if you joined a class too, the support is good (if you get the right one) Do you do any exercise? Maybe just a daily 20 minute walk builing it up gradually. Cut out all the bad things in your diet but have an occasional treat otherwise it will get boring.
Can you buy youself a nice outfit (one size smaller) and aim to be looking that glamorous one size smaller by a certain date.
Do you have friends who will support you?

I see by your signature that your debt is getting lower and will get even lower by not buying as much food so you can win on both counts.

Keren, wipe the tears, be strong, aim for your goal (with or without the OH's help) and BE HAPPY

Life's too short

Thankyou.....no, he would never give up, although a couple of times, he has said 'I must give up'.....he's never tried and he gets very defensive if I try to liken the two.

I already walk each day for about 25-30 minutes with my Springer Spaniel . I have an extremely dodgy back and am limited to the type of exercise I do .

I have two drawers under the bed full of size 16's - they were going to be for last Christmas - bought a year ago when I was so motivated. I have a drawer full of size 18/20s, many of which I was in a hair's whisker of being able to wear. I sold all my larger clothes - I was a 26/28 , on ebay and replaced them with clothes bought from ebay. I kept a skirt and a jacket ack that used to be too small and they ended up absolutely huge. they'd still be too big now, but not as big as last May!

The thing is, i'm not a stupid woman. I don't go around oblivious to the fact that i'm undoing all the good work, but i just can't stop myself. I went to the group because it was so close (it moved, but then we justhad a series of relief consultants, I was the biggest 'loser' and felt I was gaining nothing as everyone started to ask my opinion on what to do - who did I have for support?!!)

I'm doing dinner now. It feels like a 'Last Supper' and I'm using up some of the bits and pieces tohave a really 'naughty' meal tonight.

I think my biggest fear is knowing that starting again is like being at the bottom of the mountain, and that each bl++dy time I get part way up, I roll back down it.

I sometimes wish I was one of those people who said 'oh, I forgot to eat today' - forgot to eat????!!!!

My Oh will be here soon (we don't live together), I'm wondering if he will remember the conversation from last Sunday. I'm not sure whether to mention it, or just to quietly step on the scales inthe morning and try to start on my own.

I cook from scratch 7 nights a week (and have gone more O/S now with my slow cooker) , some people think I am mad because every night I want to cook rather than open a ready meal!

Ithink, psychologically, I need challenges (like the Grocery challenge etc on my sig). Telling me - lose 4 pounds by next week just doesn't work. I used to reward myself with stuff (non-food!) each time I lost half a pound - pretty candles, new CD, new earrings......that used to work.

I did the online BBC 4 quiz to promote a new series - you put your weight/outlook on life in and it predicts your date of death (morbid huh?!) and it said 3 Jan 2020 - I'd only be 49!!!!!!!! That in itself should have had me reaching for the apples, but it didn't!!!

LilacLillie

keren, can you post a link to the BBC 4 quiz.
I'd like to have a go at it. Had a good day today. Haddock for brekkie, banana mid-morning, 2 pancakes (dry fried) no toppings, usual family meal of curry & rice cooked by hubby with side salad and yog (half normal sized portion) evening meal. Just had 2 celebration chocs.............................then remembered I'm on a diet, so put the tin away!!!!
Really good for me. Looking forward to the challenge of the next week.
LL


My weight loss aim for this week is 3lb, that sounds realistic.

cheekymole

:T excellent LL, 3lbs is ideal. You seem much happier, well done
and congrats on putting the choccies away :j

katia

keren, good luck :money: , this is a big step, and if u dont want to join a group (i haven't either) i have found lots of support on here. I realise what OH has said may have hit hard, but two things that occured to me-

1) I assume you have talked to him about your situation and how much you want to lose weight. His comments, although insensitive, might just be his (typically male) way of trying to support you . My BF made a comment that we could only on holiday if I lost weight which I was very upset about, but then I talked to him and realised he was only doing what I'd asked him to , supporting me, albeit in a slightly insensitive way :rolleyes: . He thought the incentive would help me, which it has, hence me starting to post here:)!

2) In spite of all that, maybe try and go it alone for the first few weeks without telling him. Your OH seems to be quite observant in terms of your weight loss/gain, and maybe it might be a big motivator to see how long it is before he notices? Maybe not , but just a thought! I always think though, that to really see something like this through, you have to do it for yourself.

Good luck, and to everyone else as well!

A quick update on my progress, I went to a yoga class on thursday, followed by a big night out with my flat mates, however I didn't drink at all despite my friends being very drunk by the time i'd caught up with them after the class :beer: , and even managed to turn down the usual fast food to quell the 2'oclock in the morning, on the way home munchies! Was very proud :A , and more importantly, still managed to have a fab night!

Have had a problematic weekend, with lots of stress and family issues, but managed to stick to it fairly well, even on a family meal out (no dessert/wine!). Then this lunchtime ate a whole bag of honey roasted peanuts and a bowl of coco pops cos I couldnt be bothered cooking lunch :wall:. Nearly gave up for the day. but worked out the calorie content, and instead of binging for the rest of the day which is my usual style, I still managed to come in under target for calories by eating properly for dinner :T !

Got weighed on Saturday had lost some, but as someone said recently its better to only weigh weekly so I shall buy some scales on tuesday, argos do some for £3.99! And then I will weigh again on wednesday and let you all know how the first week has gone!

Sorry for ridiculously long message!

K x

cheekymole

:T well done katia for sticking with it. It's so easy to think "oh well I've eaten now so I might as well have something else" (and believe me I've done that Sooooooo many times) but you didn't :T :j :T