Please Help Me

Icanandwillsavemoney · 7 February 2009 at 8:36PM

firesidemaid wrote: »

hi there

i too agree that 400 texts seems like harrassment to me. just because he has a solicitor on his case, doesn't mean that he actually has a case IYSWIM?

we and you can all see exactly what has gone on and what he is doing now. just out of interest what is his job/profession?

re. your SOA - your water rates seem high - are you on a meter? what are the parking fees for?

also, seeing as you are paying for a landline, there are many deals BT, primus and others whereby your weekend/evening landline calls are included.

also there are some great sim-only deals for £10/£15 a month. what is your useage like per month?

you will get through this x

He was a probationary police officer but he was always a little evasive as to why he never took a full time pc role after the probationary period. He used to say his ex wife caused hm too much hassle at work so he felt he couldn't commit to the role. He is now a parking attendant or... in his words an enforcment officer. He gives out parking tickets.

My land line - I just pay the line rental and broadband for the £22.

My mobile - I get 600 minutes and 1000 texts for £20. I will not be upgrading my phone when the contract ends so this should go down to about £10/£15 in May. I use this for all calls - my son is in the army based 6 hours drive away so we don't see each other much and this is how we keep in touch.... can be lengthy calls. If I need to call an 0845 number then I do that at work, although I know I shouldn't.

You are all very kind, I don't know what to say to you all.

Thank you so much just for being so nice to me.

MyLastFiver · 7 February 2009 at 8:37PM

Can't add much more in the way of practical advice, but just to say good luck, and at some point in the near future, once this business is resolved, be sure to tell him he was rubbish in bed.

smallfish_3 · 7 February 2009 at 8:39PM

Hi ICAWSM, What an awful situation to be in and I too would be in a right panicky state if it were me so I really feel for you

. But it does seem that without anything in writing he actually doesn't have much of a case as far as I can see. As someone else said, your stnad is he gave you some money to pay off a loan when you were a couple. Now you're no longer a couple he's been harrassing you for it back. You have kindly agreed out of the goodness of your heart but now he has increased this unofficial 'repayment' to a level that is beyond your means and is threatening to put your job at risk, foolishg threat when doing so will not see him receive any of YOUR money (he gave it to you ergo I would argue it is yours

) if you don't ahve an income.

I'm not a legal expert but sadly had a horrid financial wrangle with my Dad's mistress after he died suddenly 6 years ago. It took 18 months, her solicitor kept issuing pointless empty threats that made me really mad but my solicitor just ignored it all and in the end we agreed to give her about 4k instead of the 80k she wanted and that was just to stop it continuing for the 6 years allowed!

I digress: First DO NOT WRITE TO HIS SOLICITOR YOURSELF! As other wiser members have said DO GET LEGAL ADVICE. For a start, I bet he's not expecting it

, I bet he reckons you'll just cave in when you see he's gone all serious and paid for a solicitor (foolish man, he'll be paying way more to the solictor than he GAVE you if he carries on like that :rotfl: .) You may well qulaify for legal aid anyway but Ras and others have given you great links for sources of help. Absolutely no offense intended but you do not want to put something in writing you'll later regret and a solicitor will make sure you don't do that.

Secondly, I reiterate I am no legal expert, only have my own experience to go on, but I've read several threads from people who are in the opposite position and have given money to individuals and are asking advice here because they need that money back and usually the answer is, hmmmm,that's going to be tricky if you didn't put something in writing first. So on the flip side, from your pov, it's going to be very hard for him to prove he didn't just gift you some money as his girlfriend. And if the worst DOES come to the worst and there is some proof on his side (

) I think Ras said ewven if they did succeed in raising a CCJ against you, if you haven't got the money to pay him what he wants every month they'll arrange it so you pay less:j .

I don't want to preach but do try, as much as you can to keep calm, look on the bright side, he probably won't win, he certainly cant have what you don't have to give, and the best bit: he's your EX!

Icanandwillsavemoney · 7 February 2009 at 8:40PM

Just going through some papers and have come across a printed copy of one of his emails to me.

"Sxxxxx

My account number is xxxxxx
My account code is xxxxxx

Let me know what is going in and when if possible.

Don't skint yourself just pay back at a rate your comfortable with

Thanks"

Does this help clarify things?

Icanandwillsavemoney · 7 February 2009 at 8:41PM

MyLastFiver wrote: »

Can't add much more in the way of practical advice, but just to say good luck, and at some point in the near future, once this business is resolved, be sure to tell him he was rubbish in bed.

You have no idea how much this made me laugh.... been a long time coming that laugh.

Thank you so very much.

MyLastFiver · 7 February 2009 at 8:42PM

scumbag_ex wrote:

"Sxxxxx

My account number is xxxxxx
My account code is xxxxxx

Let me know what is going in and when if possible.

Don't skint yourself just pay back at a rate your comfortable with

Thanks"

Anyone with such poor grammar does not deserve their money back :rotfl:

lemma1968 · 7 February 2009 at 8:49PM

I have pm'd you. I had not read the update to your thread when i wrote it.
I have now though. That last email is a corker and should help your cause.

Send a copy of that to his sols with a letter containing an offer to pay in instalments that you can afford and S.O.A and see what happens.

If in difficulties still - go to a law centre.

Good luck.

Icanandwillsavemoney · 7 February 2009 at 8:54PM

lemma1968 wrote: »

I have pm'd you. I had not read the update to your thread when i wrote it.
I have now though. That last email is a corker and should help your cause.

Send a copy of that to his sols with a letter containing an offer to pay in instalments that you can afford and S.O.A and see what happens.

If in difficulties still - go to a law centre.

Good luck.

I sent him an email on 29th Jan letting him know my financial situation had deteriated and that i needed to lower py payments to him. I added his email to me saying about pay what I could comfortably afford as reference.

My email detailed that a new standing order had been set up and stated the date the £25 would leave my account too. I tried to keep him updated as I felt awful.

He went to a solicitor after that.

I don't want to rip him off just be able to eat and pay him back, that is all.

I will seek legal advice though and let them respond so that he knows I am not going to be intimidated by him any more. Spent the last 30 odd years being intimidated, no more.... it has to stop.

Thank you again everyone.

Nargleblast · 7 February 2009 at 9:06PM

What a piece of pond life! You are well shot of that one. Do what everyone has said so far - get legal advice, get debt counselling to sort out your affairs, keep all evidence of any contact this creature has made with you so it can be produced in court if necessary. It will be a bit of a hard slog getting this mess sorted out but you will get there, and once you are out the other side you will be a stronger and wiser person for it. Go for it, lady - nobody has the right to hassle you like this. Let us know how you get on.

In_Search_Of_Me · 7 February 2009 at 9:58PM

Umm...jjst rea this - couple of issues here...did you complete any paperwork/agreement with him about the loan? If not would doubt that he can legally get the money back an suspet hes just sent sols letter to scare you! Rem he pays the sols to send a letter for him ith his instruction - sols have nowt to loose cos they get paid bythe letter where he does - ie no response = no money back! As suggested I would get a sol for yourself and get them to respond...he gave you the money, regardless of why, and is now trying to manipulate you/blackmail you. The issue of harassment is another issue and if it were me I would be inclined to instuct a sol o state that you feel he is harassing you and if this continues then you will have no option but to report him to the police. Good luck and as others have sid sounds like one youre best shot of!