Please Help Me

In_Search_Of_Me

Guess we can all guess/discuss/debate at the ins and outs/minutiae of comments but at the end of the day are any of us solicitors or able to give informed advice? Would suggest that you get legal advice and know for sure. I agree btw that you should try to pay back but do so at a rate you can afford and be realistic and then stick to it. Being honest I would be hacked off it I leant someone money and then they didnt pay back as agreed...he may be needing the money too?
Re being nice re lending the money guess it depends on the reason for the loan - a genuine wanting to help or as a tool for manipulation?!

Icanandwillsavemoney

Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond.

I do not dispute that he lent me money and never will. I would never sleep at night if I didn't pay him this money back.

My only concern is that when he lent the money he said take your time paying it back and don't skint yourself. I would never have agreed to £100 a month as I know that would have been impossible to repay.

I do feel with hindsight that this loan was all about manipulation but it is too late now, he has lent the money and I owe it back.

I just need to be able to pay under the terms he first set out - at a rate that I was comfortable with (his words).

I am not a very confident person and he knows that but he is asking the impossible. As per my soa, there isn't £100 left after bills paid. If there was I would have caved in after a few emails and texts never mind a solicitors letter. Every time I think of that letter I feel sick and it frightens me that people can do this to others and at times get away with it.

I blame no one but myself for my financial debt although there is a long story behind that involving a conman, and me losing £220k but that feels like a lifetime away now. I just want to pay wat I owe and get out of this dark tunnel I feel I am stuck in.

Thank you everyone for your kindness.

Icanandwillsavemoney

Marker wrote: »

It WAS a loan, the proof is in the title of this thread. This bloke lent you money and he wants it back, he is entitled to get it back. The pressure behind the solicitors and texts might be because for the last 4 months he hasnt received anything off you. Regardless of what you have told him I would start getting worried to -you must understand that?

You are in alot of bother with money and he tried to alieviate some of that strain. It should have made a little dent in your repayments to. For a short term relationship i think what he did was quite nice.

400 texts over 4/5 months? Thats not too bad!!!

I would try and make an agreement with the solicitors to repay £25pm. That is better than nothing, and if it is all in writing he would im sure feel alot better andsecure knowing that repayments are coming in.

Please please please dont go down the 'gift' route, regardless of how you feel about him, he lent you that money in good faith and to help.

He didn't receive anything for Dec and Jan only and I kept him in the loop and explained what had happened. I also let him know at the end of Jan that I had reinstated the DD and what date the money would leave my account in Feb.

I don't want to rip him off - that thought could not be further from my mind. Itas definitely a loan and not a gift. I need to sleep at night so need to pay him back.

My friends were suspicious of him because it was a short term relationship - they thought it dd that someone that had only known me weeks would want to borrow a large sum of money. I do believe there are some kind people out there but I don't believe he is one of them.

I will be seeking legal advice though, so we can get this all documented and a workable rpayment plan put in place. One that he can not change the goalposts on.

In_Search_Of_Me

aww hugs for you...its so tough being in debt! A few things looking at yous soa if I may...your car is eating up alot of cash...do you HAVE to have a car - i there any way you can do without one or is it not doable? Cant do without mine but also ack that its takes lots of dosh!
Can you look at your phones.. 20 on mibile a fair bit - could you not go payg and save some dosh there?
Re the grcery budget if you go to old style they can suggest ways of cutting back here...
council tax - do you pay over 12 or 10 months? If you pay over 12 it can bring the monthly cost down and make it a bit easier to manage...also investigate whether you are getting bens you are entitled to - ie tax credits. Looking at this assume you are a single mum? Do you get maintenance/support? Would also invetigate via the union re work situation as it may be worth considering doing a dmp to ease the pressure...
At the end of the day whats done is done and youre right to look forward. Part of the journey or me is learning from my mistakes, forgiving myself and moving on...we've all cocked up but the main thing is were sorting it!! Hang in there!

Icanandwillsavemoney

firesidemaid wrote: »

does your son live at base or at yours? ie. do you get a 25% single person discount for living on your own for council tax and similar for water if you can't have a meter?

He lives on the base nd will soon be stationed in Germany so my calls will end to him and we will use skype/messenger/texts from then on - will sell something on ebay to buy a web cam.

I do get the reduction for council tax but will look at the water one, thank you for that.

Icanandwillsavemoney

In_Search_Of_Me wrote: »

aww hugs for you...its so tough being in debt! A few things looking at yous soa if I may...your car is eating up alot of cash...do you HAVE to have a car - i there any way you can do without one or is it not doable? Cant do without mine but also ack that its takes lots of dosh!
Can you look at your phones.. 20 on mibile a fair bit - could you not go payg and save some dosh there?
Re the grcery budget if you go to old style they can suggest ways of cutting back here...
council tax - do you pay over 12 or 10 months? If you pay over 12 it can bring the monthly cost down and make it a bit easier to manage...also investigate whether you are getting bens you are entitled to - ie tax credits. Looking at this assume you are a single mum? Do you get maintenance/support? Would also invetigate via the union re work situation as it may be worth considering doing a dmp to ease the pressure...
At the end of the day whats done is done and youre right to look forward. Part of the journey or me is learning from my mistakes, forgiving myself and moving on...we've all cocked up but the main thing is were sorting it!! Hang in there!

I do need my car for work and family purposes. My daughter goes to her grandparents for 4 weeks of the school hols (a week at easter, half terms and a week in the summer and we meet halfway. They live a 4 hour drive away and don't think Grandad could manage the whole journey plus there would be cost implications for them too. It would be too upsettng if she didn't see her other family. I have stopped making uneccessary journeys and walk where possible now though.

My maintenance is on my soa, £199 although th can be a bit hit and miss some months.

I did ask the council about paying over 12 months but they would not consider it - is there anyway I could get them to change their minds?

If I am brave enough, I will post why I got into debt later today.... will need to work up to this though as it is a bit painful.

Thank you for helping me by responding though, you have all been so kind. It is very overwhelming that people care enough to help people they don't know.

Icanandwillsavemoney

In_Search_Of_Me wrote: »

Can you look at your phones.. 20 on mibile a fair bit - could you not go payg and save some dosh there?
Re the grcery budget if you go to old style they can suggest ways of cutting back here...

I am under contract with my phone but will not be upgrading my phone next time so contract will be £10/£15 - depending who I get on the other end of the phone.

I collect coupons for food shopping now to use in Tesco and cook 'proper' food. We also shop just before closing to get reduced meat, fruit and veg and never spend more than £30 a week now. Have managed to get that down to a fine art although it is a bit elbows at dawn for the reduced food!

Burlesque_Babe

not sure whether this has been covered, I've not seen it - the only way your employer can be informed (and that they are legally 'aware') is if an attachment to earnings happens - and that can only happen if there is a CCJ in place. He can't just say to your employer that you owe him some money and expect them to 'do' something to you, he's just trying to bully you.

I echo others and feel that no set repayment and harrassment are the way to go.

Burlesque_Babe

also just wanted to add - keep posting on this thread - whatever he threatens, let us know and someone will be able to help you in some way.

You have the whole DFW community behind you to squash his sorry a$$

catman-without_wings

Marker wrote: »

It WAS a loan, the proof is in the title of this thread. This bloke lent you money and he wants it back, he is entitled to get it back. The pressure behind the solicitors and texts might be because for the last 4 months he hasnt received anything off you. Regardless of what you have told him I would start getting worried to -you must understand that?

You are in alot of bother with money and he tried to alieviate some of that strain. It should have made a little dent in your repayments to. For a short term relationship i think what he did was quite nice.

400 texts over 4/5 months? Thats not too bad!!!yes it is.
I would. try and make an agreement with the solicitors to repay £25pm. That is better than nothing, and if it is all in writing he would im sure feel alot better andsecure knowing that repayments are coming in.

Please please please dont go down the 'gift' route, regardless of how you feel about him, he lent you that money in good faith and to help.

To qoute from-well all over this site really- "please be nice to money savers" your post was heplful or useful how exactly?
If you have nothing good or helpful to add then add nothing........
OP good luck I wish you well.