If things get tougher?

amtrakuk

heard on the news today that the government are hammering down on the energy companies to drop their prices at oonng last, more than the oppression would do

Softstuff

ceridwen wrote: »

Having read the comments about how Softstuff may change her mind - I can sympathise with her....as I was on the receiving end of comments like it for many years (more than might be expected - as I didnt tell many people about the Op.). The comments only stopped once it became clear I was too old for starting in on motherhood. I have the impression Softstuff is as definite about this as I was/am.

I understand where people are coming from....but those comments positively infuriated me....until in the end I just decided to be philosophical about it and tell myself "Just goes to show how little they know me - as I'm someone who knows their own mind very well".

Thanks Ceridwen and Savingforoz. The "you'll change your mind" comments happen to me on average 5 times a week, I think they upset me more than infuriate me. People at 16 are mature enough to decide to have a baby, but at 30 I'm not mature enough to decide I don't??

This is why I never usually post here about this and won't be entering a debate involving me "changing my mind".

Thanks for the suggestions with Marie Stopes. It says on their website they require GP referral, but I may enquire anyways. DH is becoming more exceedingly happy to have a vasectomy though, and I hear recovery is easier. Maybe we'll both do it just to prove a point :rotfl:

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

Olliebeak wrote: »

Before I got married, in 1972, I never thought for a million years that I would have children. Having had problems with irregular periods from day 1, I always thought I would actually have trouble conceiving. How wrong I was!

My eldest was born 9 mths and 1 day after I was married - induced by the hospital due to high blood pressure. What a shock to my system he was - but I took to motherhood quite well (for somebody who hadn't been planning to have children). Determined not to have any more, I went on the pill for 5 years. When No.1 started school at Easter 1978, I got a great job working in a school (school hours and term times!) but a new GP refused to give me the pill any longer (said I needed a break from it). Jan 1979 No.2 arrived on the scene! Moved house twice in 1979, didn't get registered with a new GP and guess what - yup! - new house, new baby - No.3 arrived in March 1980! Have to admit that main priority was to be sterilised after the last one as it had finally dawned on me that I was very highly fertile - despite my earlier concerns about having possible problems conceiving !.

My point is that, I didn't plan to have children, but nature just took it's course and I got 3 great ones. I turned out to be a pretty good mother - now I've got 5 grandchildren - and they reckon I'm not a bad 'Narnie' either .

If anybody had told me, before I got married, how many children I would finish up with and that at 57 I would be minding grandchildren most weekends, I would have run a mile. I thought I knew what I wanted out of life, but it turned out that I was very wrong indeed. What I got was far better .

I do believe that every woman has the right to choose how many children to have, but along with that goes the very serious responsibility for their future welfare. Kids are a bit like that puppy advert - not just for babyhood, they're for life - theirs, yours, your granchildren's.

Oh my word Olliebeak,you could be me,except I'm 53.Like you I married in 1972 and had three children very quickly,for us we had had our 3rd daughter by Jan.1977.None of them were planned but I loved being a mother.
We now also have 5 grandchildren,the eldest almost 18 and I love the relationship I have with my grandchildren especially the eldest who we raised.
I had never planned to have any children it just was'nt something I had ever thought about,but when they came they were wonderful.
My youngest daughter has decided not to have children and I respect her decision.
We're all different and as you say we should have the right to choose.I think it would be better for all if like you say we considered the serious responsibility that goes with motherhood.And I agree it just does'nt stop with your own children.You have to consider your responsibilty to theirs as well.

rosieben

Caterina wrote: »

... Let's be tolerant with other women's choices .... let's as women be kind to our sisters. ...

Well said Caterina :T

lauren_1

Caterina i love you!

Cinny91

little_miss_moneysaver wrote: »

Whilt it seems that our country is overpopulated

I've never once thought of not having children due to us being overpopulated. I know of women making the choice not to have children because of their jobs, or just because they don't like children. But I rarely hear of people not having children due to 'overpopulation' it seems abit extreme to me. But that's most likely because I'm young.

But I now have a whole new level of respect of ceridwen, to make such a decision at that age and gone through with it must of taken some courage. Saying that, the '2.4' way of life sounds more than perfect to me.



On a more MS-OS way of things. My family are now well stock up on our most used veggies - carrots, potatoes and onions. My grandad managed to get us 4 stones of carrots for a pound!!

moanymoany

There are some things in a woman's life that seem to be available for comment by anyone and everyone. The comments come from the 'fors' and 'againsts' as all the commentators believe themselves to be right.

These 'open season' subjects include:

Whether or not to have a child.

How to give birth - I chose epidurals and got SO much stick - 'why should you be able to 'get away with it' (I asked!), 'it's cheating', 'you won't feel the same about the baby', it's against God (honestly), these are some I can remember.

Breastfeeding - whether or not, how long for - a good many of the things said to mums for and against are on here.

When to potty train

Sterilization - boy, is that one that divides people. After my family I went for this as I didn't want to repeat the experience. I told no-one - I heard what others had to put up with and realised that I made the right choice to keep quiet.

It is usually other women who 'get the bit between their teeth' about what women choose to do. I got most stick over my choice of epidural - what it had to do with anyone else, well! A good many years later I would make the same choice again!


Caterina is spot on with what she says. Women should allow others to make their own choices. The generations of women of the 50's/60's/70's had some big battles to fight. If any woman under 30 was whisked back to be that age in any of those decades to experience what women of their age experienced in daily life they would be shocked.

To get contraception you had to be married or prove that you were going to be married. (I know there were places, but they were few and far between and unknown to most unmarried young women).

If your marriage was unbearable - even for domestic violence - and you had nowhere to go, you had to choose between staying or leaving husband and children. The council would not house you, there was no legal duty for them to do so. This happened to a friend of mine, when she got a place it took her a year to get her youngest child back, she never got the eldest.

If you became pregnant and unmarried - there were no benefits, no housing and no support. If your parents said no, you had no choice but to have your baby adopted.

Girls were channelled into professions like nursing or teaching. Parents often refused to allow daughters to go to university. In better off families boys were often sent to private schools and girls through the state system.

Women did not have the right to say no to sexual intercourse. It was legally impossible for a husband to rape his wife.

Your husband knew how much you earned because he paid your tax and got your rebates. Your salary was considered to be his.

Most family homes were bought in the husband's name and if there was a divorce he kept the lot unless the wife could prove every penny she had put towards it.

Mothers were given custody of children in divorce - but fathers control, that is decision making. For better of women this often meant the husband would send children away to school as soon as they could. There was nothing the mother could do about this.

There were many other ways that the men were treated very differently to women. It really ticks me off when women 'tell' other women how they should live their lives. I learned the way to avoid these comments was to keep quiet. 'Mind your own business' is the right answer, but at the times of uncertaintly and newness it isn't easy to say!

Penelope_Penguin

moanymoany wrote: »

These 'open season' subjects include:

Breastfeeding - whether or not, how long for - a good many of the things said to mums for and against are on here.

I'd agree with most of what you say apart from this. IMHO, breastfeeding is as much a public health issue as is childhood immunisation, and we have no worries about encouraging parents to do this

Penny. x

moanymoany

Penelope_Penguin wrote: »

I'd agree with most of what you say apart from this. IMHO, breastfeeding is as much a public health issue as is childhood immunisation, and we have no worries about encouraging parents to do this

Penny. x

There can be a fine line between encouragement and browbeating Penny. For me the difference between not having children immunised against killer diseases and not breastfeeding is VAST.

To make any woman feel insecure and even bad about themselves and their abilities as a mother is a very damaging thing. The bond between mother and baby is the most important thing. If a mother either doesn't want to breastfeed or finds it difficult - to force the issue can damage this bond - very bad thing to do.

Penelope_Penguin

moanymoany wrote: »

There can be a fine line between encouragement and browbeating Penny. For me the difference between not having children immunised against killer diseases and not breastfeeding is VAST.

To make any woman feel insecure and even bad about themselves and their abilities as a mother is a very damaging thing. The bond between mother and baby is the most important thing. If a mother either doesn't want to breastfeed or finds it difficult - to force the issue can damage this bond - very bad thing to do.

At what point did I say browbeating The UK's level of breastfeeding is falling away - we should certainly be doing more encouraging of BF

Penny. x