Little sis doesn't pay any rent to parents

rosered1963

Hi OP - you could be talking about my situation ten years ago. From my experience only, I would say to you:

1. You might think your parents will thank you for pointing out that your sis is taking the Michael. They won't. They probably alreqady know and don't need it spelt out.

2. If you try to persuade your sis to contribute more by appealing to her better nature, it seems unlikely to succeed. I started doing this, and as the situation got much worse, I threatened the sister that if she didn't act like a human being towards my parents, she could count me out of her life until she grew up. We didn't communicate for a year. At the age of 27, she had a lightbulb moment and realised my parents were actually human beings. From then on, she became absolutely the opposite and did everything she could for them. My sister and me became the best of friends again.

3. Are you mates with your sister? Why is she so bitter, defensive and selfish? Why was her email to you so disrespectful? What's happened to her to make her this way? I would suggest a radical strategy which worked for me when asll else failed. Make a friend out of your sister - find out what's going on in her life and spend time with just her. This will help I believe, because you will know what you are dealing with.

After all this business with my sis had blown over, I loved her more than anything. She died in an accident 4 years ago and I am still heartbroken.

There is hope for your situation. She might not be a horror forever, especially if she has you influencing her as a mate, not a big sis.

I hope some of this makes sense

Best of luck

Sami_Bee

:eek: My father works a manual job and has been very ill recently (double pneumonia :shocked:) his "lovely" work didn't pay him anything for 4 weeks (he gets paid weekly) I knew that they would refuse any money I offered them but not my home made stew, soups and "stuff that was on BOGOF and I'd never use the free one" so thats what I did. :A
I agree with some other posters it sounds like your sis can't see what she is doing wrong and the best way to approach it would be so say you are worried about your dad's heath and maybe if sis helped out he could finally relax.

I'm also intrigued as to why ur sis thinks the house is "hers" do you know if your parents have put this in their will? I would have thought that their assets would be shared equally between all their children.

Maybe ur parents have been clever and left her nothing :cool: - that would teach her to "put up with them" I mean how dare they feed and clothe her for all those years put a roof over her head and even pay for her to go to uni and on holidays and get nothing in return :rolleyes:

Susan_Frost

I dont agree that your sister does not know she is wrong. Her comments show she does, but does not care.

Princess_Jane

Thanks everyone for your helpful and kind words.

I have been taking them all in.

Went for dinner with my mam today - she raised the issue of dad cutting down his hours so I brought up the discussion with my sis.

Mam said the house is being left to all three of us, which isn't the issue, it's their place, I wouldn't expect to get a penny from it as it was enough to have a nice place to spend my childhood.

She thought my sister's comments were in jest and "was sure she didn't mean anything by them".

She admitted she would like her to offer some money, and apparently my brother has told mam several times that sister should, but she would never ask her and says she "selfishly" likes having her there, youngest chick and all that, so would never expect her to pay.

I did say that perhaps she was setting sis up for a nasty shock when she does move out...if...but although she realises this nothing will change.

I don't think there's anything else I can do but the main thing is dad is cutting down his hours, and they have just finished paying off their mortgage, so his health will hopefully improve and at least their home is secure.

Marg

Thank you for letting us know how things are & I hope you feel more settled in your mind for having spoken to your Mum. Also, I bet it's nice to know your brother thinks the same as you. Maybe your Mum will think over what you said & there could be some change in the near future.

typeractive

Hi Jane,

I just discovered this post whilst searching for something else. I read the first page and the last page - though I have not read everything. I totally feel for you. I am almost in a similar position, though I'm the youngest. I do pay my way and live with my folks, knowing that I haven't been able to get anywhere on my own (to own) - but I'm saving and working towards all that. My sibling on the other hand is happy to take take take. She lives in a house rented from my folks. Often she is late with payment / does not pay for things. Really boils my urine.

As some have mentioned on here, being careful when raising the situ. I have raised it a lot and caused many an argument, making me look like a right !!!. Though I begrudge the fact my parents work so hard - my dad is literally killing himself with the amount of manual work he does. There dream is to leave us each a house. They want to help me with buying a house though I won't let them - they have already helped me by raising me and allowed me to stay at home when necessary.

My sis is now in the problem of wanting the same aspirations in life, though she can't afford it due to her life of riley. She should move home / get someone else in to rent with her - she won't as she's too selfish. Now she's happy to wait until the house is passed to her. She has no understanding of money at all, and whilst it is obvious it upsets her when the subject is raised and I get shouted at (a lot) it's obvious she cares, just not enough to action.

My parents are the same - all talk and no action. They're way to soft with the pair of us, but I'm proud to be the way I am and try not to take them for granted. My sister has not learned anythign and it is at the fault of my parents - killing her with kindness. if I'm ever blessed with the opportunity of having children they will learn a different kind of respect.

In many ways you will not be able to make changes. Regardless of how you try that may not be possible. Your sis will learn when your parents are no longer there (sad but true). You have tried, you've made it known - that's more than something.

Whilst this thread is easy to whinge and get mad (for good reason), look in the opposite direction - look at yourself, be proud and happy that you have been raised with respect and can choose your own destiny. You have done yourself and parents proud - take the positives, as trying to solve the impossible will often tear you apart.

Cheers