Little sis doesn't pay any rent to parents

Princess_Jane

Hello all,

Hoping for a bit of advice.

My lil sis of 24 lives at home with my parents. She works full time but I have just found out she doesn't pay anything towards the bills.

My parents are both in their 60s. Dad has worked since he was 14 in outdoor, manual labour. He's just had a hernia and problems with dizziness and would like to cut down his hours but can't afford to.

They are also paying finance for her relatively new car.

She's just announced she's saved up £6k so she can go travelling again. Parents funded a trip to Auz a few years ago for her and paid off my student OD. I paid them back, she didn't.

I want to speak to my mam about it but don't think I have a place to, as I moved out age 17 to work and go to uni. Never moved back though things sometimes were desperately hard.

Now I work two jobs, 60 hours a week to keep me and my partner in a decent standard of living (he works too but has a lot of debt).

I suppose I might seem jealous, but I don't begrudge her travelling and having fun. I've seen the world too and got valuable life experience through many weird and wonderful jobs, and she's my little sis and I love her dearly.

Just breaks my heart to see my parents tired and skint then read her posts on Facebook about her holiday plans.

searching_me

sorry love but its sounds like your sister is being very selfish and also your parents are allowing her to get away with it ... i was the baby of the family but was expected to get a job and pay my way like everyone else... your parents know the deal and they probably know they should be asking her to pay her way but in some parents case it like asking for money off your kids when your the parents and supose to provide (my OH mother is like this kinda drove me made because he and his siblings were pampered they find it hard to get a job or stick with one)... id have a word with your sister and it sounds like your parents are to proud to ask if she offers it wouldnt hurt their feelings so much .. hope things work out x

Thriftysaver

Hi Princess Jane,

You don't sound jealous to me. You sound like a concerned daughter. I have grown up children, and whilst I want them to have fun I have instilled in them that they have a responibility to pay for their own way in life. The more they want the more they need to earn/save. "All good things go to those who wait".

Your parents are also not doing your sister any favours. She needs to realise that nothing in this world is free. She should be contributing something to your parents.

My 14 year old son asked my oh the other week, "which is the cheapest country to live in?". To which my oh replied "any country in the world if you live with your parents". This is true. Any amount that your sister paid for her 'keep' to your parents would be considerably less than running her own place which you can testiment to.

If I were you I would broach the subject with your parents by way of saying 'you would help her in the long run by teaching her the value of money' and learning how to wait but she must pay her way.

Even if my children were not working I would still take something as a token.
We all want our children to have a good life which is why we try to guide them to attain what they are capable of.

I feel for you knowing how hard life is. Your morals are superb, your parents must be really proud of you. However I don't think your sister is being fair on your parents. It's not as if she is a teenager just making a start on her working life. She's 24! I had 3 children by this age (I have 6) and all know they have to do well work hard and earn for what they want, and pay their own way.

Maybe it's because I have 6 children that makes feel this, but I am the eldest of 2. I left school at 17 and earned £40. £38 after tax back in the day. I had to travel into the city centre pay for my own lunches and clothes etc. My 'keep' was £10 pw, My brother left school at 16 got £26 and had to pay £10 because he worked local. He had a fab life going abroad every year. Spain, Greece Canada. But he saved up his wages as he progressed through his career. I left home at 19 had kids career kids career (you get the picture). I've not had a fantastic life but I own my own home and have done since I was 29 (now 40), and I have told my kids to stay at home for as long as they can so that they can explore the world and learn new things but whilst paying their own way.

I hope I have'nt come across as too forthright but my parents are in their 60's and I wouldn't expect them to fund me. As you don't expect your parents to fund you. So why should they fund your sister. They SHOULD be relaxing now and your dad SHOULD be slowing down. He's earnt it. Talk to your mum as I have said above. She really isn't doing your sister any favours.

I hope all goes well. Sorry if I sound too harsh.

Good luck Thriftysaver:D

yoni_one

Hearing your story stings a bit for me because it touches on issues I have with my brother and mum. Your sister has taken advantage of her relationship with your parents, or to be more blunt abused it.

No wonder you feel irked.

But, how they choose to spend their money is their business but sometimes parents spend their money on their kids because they feel they should as opposed to that being their first option.

You can talk to your folks about it, you can talk to your sis about it or you can do nothing.

I have to say, from reading your post it sounds like you love your sis and don't want her travel plans ruined, but equally you love your parents and don't want to see your sister take the urine out of them.

It sounds like she is getting away with more than you are, but it also sounds like your choice would be for neither of you to get away with anything rather than the both of you?

Do what your heart and head are directing you to do.

Best of luck.

margaretclare

It seems to be fairly common for young people now to live at home and pay nothing. Some even manage to run up considerable debts on buying 'stuff' and on their 'lifestyle', while getting food, lodgings, laundry, phone calls, heat and light, the whole lot, completely free of charge. This is the complete reverse of how it was for my generation. We were expected to contribute, from our very first pay-packet, no matter how little that was (in DH's case, an apprentice's wage which he solemnly handed over to his Mum and it was so pitifully small, she didn't know whether to laugh or cry). But it taught us a good lesson, that nothing comes free, everything has to be paid for somehow.

Your parents are most definitely not doing your sister any favours at all.

belfastgirl23

I'd just say be cautious about this. If you haven't spoken to them you don't know the whole story. could be your sis has offered to pay and your parents have turned her down.

I'm not sure why you would talk to your mum about it. Personally I'd say start with your sis, point out gently that you're worried about your dad's hours, say he's looking tired. Ask her does she think they really need the money. You could lay it on thick and say you're worried he's shortening his life by working the way he is. And see what she says. Give her a chance to do the right thing by offering. And if she doesn't you could ask if she might be able to up her contribution to the house (assuming she doesn't realise that you know she pays nothing) to give her a prompt.

I think your instinct is not to go in all guns blazing since it's essentially not your business directly (although of course your mum and dad are your business) and i'd say you're right on this....

floss2

Maybe you could ask your sister how she is funding her trip, when you know she has a relatively new car? I wouldn't let on that you know your parents are helping out financially, but perhaps you could slip in that you're "worried about your dad's health, and think he should be looking to retire while he's worked so hard for so long".

Then see how your sister reacts, what she says and if she has any inkling that maybe it's time to stand on her own 2 feet and not allow her parents to subsidise her lifestyle.

LoopyLinz

Again I think I would go with some of the other posters and speak to your sister first.

Maybe she doesnt think about how your mum and dad funding her or financing certain aspects of her life actually effect their lives. I know my sister (who is older) can be quite a selfish person. I love her to bits and I have grown to accept that this is how she is and probably wont ever change. However I dont think that she ever stops to think how her actions effect other people. Maybe some people area just 'wired' differently.

I think its easy to forget that all our parents, grandparents, etc are getting older. I know that in my eyes I see my mum and dad as I have always remembered them from when I was little.

Like I said my suggestion would be have a chat to your sister and see where that gets you.

Mandles

Your sisiter is completely taking the mick. Possibly a bit jealous but so would i be if that situation was the same in my family.

I would not mention it to your parents as maybe they like the young company and don't want her to leave so thats why they are giving her so much.

I would have a friendly chat with your sisiter and say this to her. She is being selfish and of course she is going t carry on like this as everyone is letting her get away with it. I would say that your parents are killing themselves to make her happy and wouldnt it be kind to MAKE them take money for rent. Maybe show her what people usually pay when living in lodgings. I cannot believe that they are paying off her car!!!!! Unbelieveable...They are not doing her any favours for the future when she has to be in the real world on her own.

dora37

margaretclare wrote: »

This is the complete reverse of how it was for my generation. We were expected to contribute, from our very first pay-packet, no matter how little that was ..........But it taught us a good lesson, that nothing comes free, everything has to be paid for somehow.

It isn't necessarily a generation thing, I am 40 and I had to contribute as soon as I was working.........and if my children are still living at home when they start to work, then they will do the same.

Bubbles911

Your sister is being selfish. She should at least be paying something and for them to buy her a car on finance so she can spend her money travelling the world is a p!ss take.

I am 30 and live at home with my due to health issues and the cost of living alone my parents are in their 70's and retired . However, since I got my first job at 15/16 I have always paid my way. My parents lent me money to get a car when I passed my test and I pay them back £200 without fail on top of my board each month. Now I am in a more secure financial position through this website than I used to be I am always offering to pay them in full but they prefer it in stages as it helps them budget.

So I feel like I'm not taking the mick, I treat them to things which they have never expected as a treat. Like this year I got my mum a wii for christmas (I get about £30 in return at christmas but they give me so much love and support throught the care the gifts I receive does not matter, I prefer giving something that you know someone is going to love) and a laptop last month because her computer broke. I also take them out for a meal the first sunday after every pay day, as they dont drive I drive them wherever they want to go and never ask for petrol money. Its my way of showing my parents I appreciate them.

I dont think I could sleep at night if I was giving them nothing, eating their food, using their electricity and getting them to take a loan out for me to get a car so I can go travelling the world, especially when she has already done it once! Interestingly, Im the youngest child in my family too, my brothers are 11 and 13 years older and sometimes I think they look down on me for being at home when they were moved out much younger but they didnt have my health problems and the house market was better and more affordable then. Im sure though if they thought I was taking the mick they would tell me, from every now and then we all need to lend money off our parents and our parents are supportive and always get it back. If any of us didnt pay it back my parents would soon let us know, although I would get the hassle more from living at home!

I think you need to talk to your parents about her taking them for a ride. How would they have reacted if you were doing the same as her?