Little sis doesn't pay any rent to parents

ailuro2

I agree - show them the e-mail and tell them what you think - it's not such a great loss if she stops speaking to you for a bit, is it?

And show your parents some of the threads on here about how much adults living at home are MEANT to pay for their share of the bills etc.

Smashing

Gosh, that's some cold hearted little madam with one serious case of entitlement.

THIS is what spoiling your children does. Your parents have done her no favours whatsoever by handing everything to her on a plate. The utter lack of respect for your parents is astounding.

Princess_Jane

Well thanks everyone, sometimes an outside perspective is needed with families.

My dad has had quite a tough life - single mother, very rural upbringing and started work age 14.

When I was a stroppy teenager I didn't have the time of day for him, but now I'm older and a wee bit wiser, and I can see it must have been hard being a dad when he never had one.

He is a fab, doting granda to my nephew (lil brother's lil boy) and I think he deserves to take things easy.

My mam is a great one for keeping the peace but at the same time raised us all to be strong-minded and taught us we could have anything we want if we tried.

Unfortunately these qualities seem to be manifesting themselves in strange ways from lil sis.

Might take mam out post pay-day for some tea and express my concerns.

God hard work being the oldest.

Bubbles911

Princess_Jane wrote: »

Spoke to lil sis via email. Response -

I don't cause the parents any hardship- I try to get them to save money and switch providers but it's the big bad world of the unknown. The house is mine in the will anyway, I've had to put up with living with them for 24 years so that would be payback. I'd rent it out to you for a good price.

Good god I cant believe how selfish and insensitive she is. Your parents arent making her stay there, they might actually like having the place to themselves but love their daughter so are keeping quiet, its her choice to live there so no "payback" is required and if your parents do give her all the house I would be really upset if I was you, although im younger than my brothers and still at home my parents house will get split 3 ways as they have 3 children, none of us have more entitlement than the other no matter how long we have lived there.

Her reply shows her up to be really immature and incapable of caring for herself, I think you need to discuss it with your parents, show them what she sent you as that way they are more likely to say something, tell them they are damaging her by spoiling her and here is the proof. Dont let her upset you, she is in the wrong and all you are doing is looking out for whats right for your parents. Oh and as for her saying she helps them with moneysaving, I do my parents too ON TOP of money and everything else because its what you do when you love someone, you help them. Like my brother helped me do matched betting when Im sure he had better things to do. You dont look at it is payback for anything, if people did we would all be bankrupt!

Mojisola

Princess_Jane wrote: »

Spoke to lil sis via email. Response -

I don't cause the parents any hardship- I try to get them to save money and switch providers but it's the big bad world of the unknown. The house is mine in the will anyway, I've had to put up with living with them for 24 years so that would be payback. I'd rent it out to you for a good price.

Has she convinced your parents that she is entitled to inherit the whole house from them?

ailuro2

when she goes off travelling next time, convert her bedroom into a little grandkids bedroom, complete with football or Disney wallpaper and bunk beds!!:p

Susan_Frost

I actually think your parents are too worn out with the worry over dad's health and her behaviour to find the strength to tackle her. Once in a situation it can be very difficult to change it.

What do they actually want? Are they happy with it, or do they genuinely feel she is unfair, but cannot challenge her? Is it just you who is getting upset and sees what is going on?

You won't change sis at all, as she says, you have to make your way in the world and this is her way, unfortunately. Dont try, you will only get upset by her attitude. This is her.

When would she go travelling again? And for how long? The longer the better to get out of the routine. It may be easier to tackle mum and dad when she is not around. They may not feel so stressed. You may be able to get them to only allow her back if she does pay her way, though I doubt she would honour any such agreement. It would be best if they did not have her back, but I doubt they will do that too. But dont get on at them, talk it through like the caring daughter you are, or they will be stressed by you as well.

If your parent's really cannot see how unfair this sort of thing is on you, then it is difficult, and hurtful.

No - I dont think you are jealous about her travels etc. just furious that she is treating your parents in this way.

However, this does boil down to your parents allowing it as well, from a very early age. Sometimes lovely people bring up selfish children because they are too soft and dont bring themup to stand on their own two feet. They may be feeling responsible for having brought her up in this way.

I bet no-one else will have her ? Am I right ?

What did she mean by the house will be hers? You may need to ask mum and dad that. Seriously. Have they made a will stating this. If so, ask them why. Dont they value you as an equal daughter. Also, if she does owe for the car and is not paying them back, ask them to put in the will that you get the value (and why in case of challenge) and the balance is then split between you. She does not even have to know any of this.

She thinks she has got away with it, they feel less stressed cos it is not hanging over them and you also know it is paid back, in a sense (though the value is worth more now than in the future and it can be adjusted every few years to include interest !!!).

Good on you for getting on with your own life so well. Enjoy it.

yoni_one

Were you serious when you said she thinks she shouldn't have to pay towards something she will inherit anyway? (which also kinda implies you are a mug if you do).

I'm going to assume she is.

Her thinking sounds just like that of the youngest in my family too, it amounts to an abuse of the relationship they have with their parents.

I think they don't see parents as people who deserve to be equally valued as such. Why else would she disregard their needs and be more than happy to put her own above them?

I think you said somewhere she can't see why she should pay for something she will inherit anyway, what has that got to do with not paying anything towards bills? Maybe she could do with learning that inheritance is about what the person chooses to leave you out of what is left as opposed to what you choose to take from them while they are still alive.

I completely know what you are up against and it drives you potty doesn't it? My mum is now 74 and after years of her giving her when he asked (she felt guilty not giving), she is now resentful that this money has gone and her quality of life is more limited than it would be but for this. Finally she has grasped that she was enabling his behaviour and in practical terms, not only was he taking his share of his inheritance, he was tapping in to money she could well do with spending on herself now. She refused to see it that way at first and was fearful of offending my brother, but when it dawned on her that my brother had no such fear of offending her, although it pained her to do it, she started to take back control and not only put a stop to his even asking for money but is now firmly demanding he pay it back (it was always acknowledged as loans so may be different to the case with your sis).

You can only do so much, and it could turn out that your need for your sister to stop treating your parents in this way may be greater than their need for her stop. You can point out to them (and to your sister) what is happening and you can inform them of their choices but you can't really make anyone do anything.

It's difficult to do all that keep the peace but it is possible.

Good luck.

belfastgirl23

to be honest I think at this point you need to back off. I've seen it in families before where when the eldest feels the need to push an issue, the others all dig their heels in cos they don't want to be told what to do by big bruv/sis. I think in essence your sister is probably taking a dim view of you as the eldest telling her what to do and rubbing in the fact that you were always more independent etc.

And you aren't doing this for you, you're doing it for your parents. So you've told your sister how you feel, if she's going travelling soon anyway I'd say keep schtum for now. And when she's away start to remark to other siblings how well your mum/dad looks now they don't have the burden of having to pay her way. Try to encourage them to think about it.

But I don't see any point in approaching your parents directly about this at this stage. If your sis digs her heels in you're asking them to choose between their children (or this is how your sis could easily present it) and it becomes such a hot potato that they will take the route of inaction for an easy life. Or even worse, the stress of the family argument will make things worse for them. By all means express concerns for your parents, that they should be taking it easier etc etc but try to let them get to the conclusion themselves...

PS I don't think email is ever a good way to approach stuff like this, it's too sensitive and better slipped in during the course of a conversation...once it's in an email you lose the advantage of surprise and give people the chance to justify their position...

Mandles

Princess_Jane wrote: »

Spoke to lil sis via email. Response -

I don't cause the parents any hardship- I try to get them to save money and switch providers but it's the big bad world of the unknown. The house is mine in the will anyway, I've had to put up with living with them for 24 years so that would be payback. I'd rent it out to you for a good price.

She is pure pure evil! To be honest your parents have created a monster by spoiling her. I'd be tempted to show them the email but it may be too hurtful. ...maybe they could give her some money to pay for a personality transplant!

Well, just be pleased with the person that you have become.I am so angry that they are leaving her the house and not sharing it with you both.