Buffy's 18 week credit card free challenge

GeorgeUK

Did you talk to her about any of her comments or just let her go on? I don't think she'd have been trying to be deliberatly antagonistic, but the comments were obviously insensitive.

Buffythedebtslayer

GeorgeUK wrote: »

Did you talk to her about any of her comments or just let her go on? I don't think she'd have been trying to be deliberatly antagonistic, but the comments were obviously insensitive.

I did, I was really shocked, no one else would think of me like she does. not even really old friends. Mind you she has never really understood me.

You see Dad just loved us. you knew where you stood with him. He didn't hold grudges and when he got mad you knew you where in the !!!!. he possibly didnt get me either but it didn't matter so much?

Mum has always been reserved and moody tbh. The minute I cheer up she gets the miseries and it becomes unbearable very quickly.

She said she had made a mistake and she didn't know where she got that idea from etc. but she was clearly holding a grudge against me for the not going to see my Nan. I don't remember it at all.

Some days I just sick of my family.

xxxx

Ellidee

Aww Buffy BIG hugs honey. When you promised your Dad you would look after your Mum do you think it means you have to live with her ? You could still 'look after her' from your own place. Would your Dad have wanted you to sacrifice your own life for your Mum ? Sorry to be so blunt ( again) but I really feel so strongly about this - and for you. XX

LouiseJ

I have been sat here for 15 mins thinking of what to say my friend...

Looking after someone is one thing, we look after my OH's Mum, my Grandad, my Mum all who dont have partners and are pretty much alone.....

None of them would ever expect us to put our lives on hold and sacrifice our choices and future for them.

What you are doing for you Mum is wonderful but I do worry that one day you will look back and feel regret at some stage......:o

Buffythedebtslayer

I think I will too. It worries me. what kind of life I could have if I made the decision to leave.

but money, my sister I don't know it all gets so bloody complicated and the guilt the huge amounts of guilt I feel.

I must figure out how to make this work.

LouiseJ

Buffy, the only person who can make you feel guilty is yourself. You have a right to be happy:A

scaredy_cat

Hi Buffy, just found and read your diary - i get migraines, which are triggered by citrus, particularly oranges, clementines, etc. I cut them out and now i get maybe 3 or 4 a year stress related.

spud30

Hugs Buffy my love :grouphug:

No advice from me on families. I havent had any for such a long time. Just stay strong ehh, and maybe start putting yourself first for once

Buffythedebtslayer

Well I have been thinking and thinking.

and thinking!

and also watching Criminal minds.

I can't move out, well ok, I won't move out. She wouldn't have any money and would be pretty much completely on her own. This was not what my Dad wanted and its not what I want either.

However a lot has to change.

1. no more saturdays in with my sis and bf. those afternoons are life suckingly boring.

2. I need to sort out the conservatory so that I have somewhere to sit that is mine and organised in a way I like and can have friends over too etc.

3. I am not going to have dinner every night any more. that 6 o clock feeling has been a part of my life FOREVER. am sick of it.

And I need to start getting out a bit more.

I am really grateful for this place and you lovely people xxx and I am not sure anyof this will work. most days I just want out of this. but I have to make it work.

Toto

Good for you Buffy that sounds like a really good plan. As I said to you the other night, you can both live under the same roof but you have to do it as two adults, not as mother and child. She has every right to have her ground rules but so do you. If she wants the family meal time, make it on a sunday but the rest of the week you choose when and what you eat.

Having your own tidy clutter free space is essential too, somewhere for you to relax and to bring people home to, otherwise you end up inviting friends up to your bedroom just like a teenager would.