Weekly Flylady Thread 2nd February 2009

greenbee

((((Hugs)))) Dusty. oddjob's right. He may not realise the seriousness of what he'd written, or have been trying to impress his mates. I think if you make clear to the teacher that you view this behaviour as unacceptable and are dealing with it accordingly, then I'm sure the teacher will understand. They will come across lots of situations where the way that children behave is completely alien to the way they have been brought up, but unfortunately children are constantly testing boundaries.

As far as your son goes, I still remember that my parents patent disappointment when I did something out of line was MUCH more effective than any punishment (although those reinforce the point!). I think you need to sit him down and find out a. if he really knew what the word meant, b. why he used it/thought it was acceptable. Does he understand how offenisve and upsetting it was? Is this something his mates do? Has he got in with a bad crowd?

As far as punishments go... what about making him do something for others e.g. volunteering/charity work for a bit? If you can find something that will help him to think about the impact of his actions on others that might help. Obviously it depends on how old he is, but there are usually opportunities around, and giving up some of his free time (computer/friends/TV time) to help others might give him some time to reflect.

I hope you manage to sort it out. I'll be thinking of you.

Dustykitten

Thanks Vivw - I have already spoken to the head of year on the phone and he knows me as I invigilate at the school, hence once of the reasons I am so upset.

Off to help at the primary now.

toottifrootti

dusty huge hugs honey - of course we dont think bad of you - you are a great Mum by what we read in your posts - what the others have said is right - another letter of apology done at home is a good idea and i think you should speak to the teacher about it tonight - even asking their guidance on how to deal with it - I am sure they will see that you are upset over it and dealing with it - I know its hard but you must do a swift/instant hard punishment for this before he thinks he has got away with it. Something that will affect him asap- like no cricket/ or beavers or golf or whatever it is that he does and enjoys? maybe put him on some sort of 'probation' before he gets to do his activities - but you will have to be firm and stick with it - get a lesson from SS supergirl!!!! As oddjob says he could be influenced by others. Chin up honey you just need to have a jolly good talking to him tonight.


diva thats great news about Tristan. He is obviously a fighter and wasnt ready to go. hope he makes more improvement.

kassey to your DS - I love chocolate cake - can I come to tea!!!!!

oddjob hope its not too long before you get your boiler fixed and hugs for your LO's thst are poorly.

triker not much sign of you yesterday - how are you - when are you due to go back to work?

bedding in the WM - first lot on the airers
half a bag for the charity shop so far
fed the birdies
transferred money on line
ordered medication requied online

back to the pit

toots xx

toochoosey

ok, I have decluttered a sandwich, and S+S'd the kitchen, now I'm going to do a HHI with !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, no swimming for DD tonight so she can hoover her bedroom when she comes home from school!!!!

eta so glad Tristan is better, hope you get to chat lots like you used to Diva........

mumofjusttwo

Dusty-I would definitely ask him why? or see what he says.

OddjobKIA

Dustykitten wrote: »

Thanks oddjob - DS2 is 12, nearly 13 and he will be aware of what he has said. He does not get on with the said teacher, but not due to his race, he is a NQT and thus not very experienced. I'm also cross that this happened on Friday and he did not tell me. We even spoke about all his lessons/teachers yesterday so I could be aware of any problems/issues before parents evening tonight.

and this is the problem faced by society today....your not allowed to dislike anyone who happens to be different from you jsut incase you are thought of as rascist or homophobic, or anti disabled etc etc etc...

when my 10 year old describes our cat as black she is being descriptive and observant...

but when she describes one of her best freind as black she icould be accused of being rascist..



To realy punish a child of that age I have found it best to treat them like the adult they want to be treated like.......calmly and emotionally describe your dissapointment and anger beyond description, seems to work so much better than throwing saucepans at them....metaphorically speaking..

bring it back to you also helps...

IE:

your father and me always thought we were pretty good parents, and for you to betray the trust and work we have investead in you like this really hurts us...etc etc etc

edit: was typing this when greenbee posted heres sorry to repeat

hex2

Dusty, I agree with Mudbath re showing school and him that you are taking it very seriously. He has picked it up from his wider frame of reference - not things you can control. Huge hugs for you. Happy Birthday to your DS3 - I hope this incident doesn't ruin the day for him too. And to your DS Kassey.

Worked this morning, then supermarket (which was jam packed with panic buyers) and now I have half an hour before I go for the boys to attack their pigsty of a room.

Anyone joining me for a short notice 14.15-14.45?

rosepink1984

My list for today:
Tidy sofa - moved the stuff on to an armchair, does that count?
Wash up – one sinkful done (only one and a bit to go!)
Tidy LR floor
Tidy sofaside table
Heel balm on heel AM PM
Ring contents insurer and report that OH's phone is broken
Clean out cold bag – spilt cream in it and a creamy sock from where I missed the wash basket!
Clean loo
Clean teeth
Have bath
Get dressed
[STRIKE]Sort out cardboard ready for recycling
[/STRIKE]
Tuesday - Kitchen and Dining room
Level One
[STRIKE]Clear and wipe work surfaces need to do all the washing up first!
[/STRIKE]
Extras

1. Wipe all the cupboard fronts, kickboards and large appliance
2. S&S the hob – need to wash up what’s on it first!

The post has just arrived! The first time this week! yay! Oh it's all bills.

Dusty - big hugs. I'm sure the school and the teacher know that it's not your fault, and I know you will take the appropriate action. Hard when someone we love does something stupid, but I'm sure he'll learn from it.

GnB - I'm thinking of you and LO, hope things are going well today.

The kitchen actually is looking tons better today, all my hard work is starting to pay off! I don't know why I find washing up so hard. I tend to leave it til we have nothing clean to use and then have to have a few days doing non stop washing up! Its stupid really. Ooh, quick must record DM for hubby as he saw it yesterday and it was a two parter. See you later

OddjobKIA

is 26 loads of washing since friday exessive

greenbee

OddjobKIA wrote: »

To realy punish a child of that age I have found it best to treat them like the adult they want to be treated like.......calmly and emotionally describe your dissapointment and anger beyond description, seems to work so much better than throwing saucepans at them....metaphorically speaking..

bring it back to you also helps...

IE:

your father and me always thought we were pretty good parents, and for you to betray the trust and work we have investead in you like this really hurts us...etc etc etc

edit: was typing this when greenbee posted heres sorry to repeat

Good to see that someone else finds emotional blackmail a useful tactic

ETA - and yes, 26 loads of washing is excessive! Tell them all to stop getting dirty!