MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Would you pay for no-show?

Justamum

udlsechica wrote: »

The other thing is that where I grew up (mid-Atlantic in the US) we always pay for what we eat at restaurants. So when the bill comes, we pass it around and calculate what we each individually owe. I think that is the most fair way to pay for a bill.

I'm not much of a drinker, so I inevitably end up subsidizing other people's drinks when I go out in the UK. It's incredibly frustrating because if my husband and I went out alone, eating out would be affordable. I know it is expected that people split the bill and pay for rounds here, but I just wish that others would consider that some people can't afford to subsidize their expensive habits.

I agree with this. A few years ago I was invited on a "girl's night out". I knew a couple of the women, but not most of them. Being poor I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu, and don't drink so had water. Some people left early and settled up their bill on the way out. At the end of the evening the rest of the bill was totted up and divided between the people who were left - which meant I was helping to subsidise the expensive meals and lots of bottles of wine that the others had! Totally out of order. I was left completely skint for the rest of the week. :mad: I would NEVER do this again. If it happened in the future I would refuse and only pay for what I had.

LCFC_Foxile

I think in this sort of situation, there would need to be some wording in the original invite which makes it clear in no uncertain terms what the outcome would be financially, if people have confirmed but then do not show-up.

I know that sounds a bit harsh, but it would avoid any issues post-celebration.

That would, in the first instance, sort out who is really committed to coming, & secondly, leave no doubt in the minds of those that don't turn up, what they would need to pay.

At the end of the day, at £40-a-head, that's quite a commitment to make in the first place, especially as there's a chance that as a guest, you may not get a proper chance to catch up with the people that organised it, restuarant seating being what it is.

nomoneytoday

tara747 wrote: »

Are you kidding? Weddings cost a fortune to attend these days!!!!!!!! :mad:

They cost enough for a new dress, new hat, new shoes a present and a B&B already. If they wanted us to pay for dinner the RSVP would say no thanks

lipsyloo

I actually have a similar situation happening at the mo - i organised a cottage and activity day out with friends for my birthday, and it was agreed we'd all chip in for the activity day. My 'best' friend at the time said she'd also chip in for the cottage.. She didn't but her and her new boyfriend didnt pay for the activity day either. He didnt end up doing it (he was there but was too scared to do it on the day) but after asking them twice to pay and they said they would i didn't heard from them for over 6 months! She's just got in touch again and wants to be friends again and I dont know whether I should and whether I should ask her for the money. She's a student but I dont earn much money either and wouldn't have booked the cottage let alone the activity day if she hadnt persuaded me it was a good idea! I have paid the extra (and obviously paid for the cottage) and wouldnt dream of asking others to make up their shortfall (tho my brother put in for some of the cottage as he felt bad for me, bless him!) . Should I still be asking her to pay for her and her boyfriend? (they are still together)

whowants2brich

I'm used to this scenario, and I still hate it. I always point out those who drink and those who don't, or those who have dessert and those who don't, and try to roughly average things out. Some pay slightly more and some pay slightly less, and it usually keeps the peace. Though as I always start the discussions, people now know that I'm pretty good and fair at dividing things, even if my OH hates me for it.

On the other hand, for set menus like this, it's even easier to work out. Everyone pays their set amount. Finished. And if it's a set amount and people don't turn up then they should know this in advance and be prepared to turn up or pay up. If people know in advance that those who don't turn up would force the bill higher for everyone who does turn up - I think that it would put everyone off coming and the part would be for 2 people!

On the flip side, I think that I'd do this differently. 20 people for £40 = £800. For the two hosts, to pay £80 and ask their friends to pay £40 each is a lot. What I'd do is put my £80 into a pot, spend it on decent ingredients and host people at home. £4 per head is definitely doable for a nice home-cooked meal. That way, the friends don't have to pay much, maybe a thank you present or a bottle of wine (removing the extra cost of drinks from the equation) and keeping the peace.

Mind you, I love cooking and hosting, so it would work fine... A bit of advance planning and it'd sort a lot out.

Hope this helps to keep the peace and throw a few alternative ideas for those who might be in a position to save potential fights in future.

Let me know if you agree/disagree!

Justamum

lipsyloo wrote: »

Should I still be asking her to pay for her and her boyfriend? (they are still together)

I'd definitely broach the subject again and if she gets all huffy then she's not much of a friend to be honest. Maybe she thinks that 6 months of silence means you will have forgotten about the whole thing?

ann_mary

Several years ago, I was actually in this situation. A group of friends booked a meal and then 4 people didn’t show up. (One couple’s car broke down and the second couple’s child was sick, just as they were leaving the house).

When we informed the manager, he told us we would have to pay for the four meals not being served. He said this was because, the seats had been reserved. At this, four people sitting at a nearby table, stood up and continued eating. They informed the manager that, if it was the seating that cost so much, they would eat standing up and then ask for a reduction on their bill! It was pointed out that, as the restaurant was far from full, he had not lost custom because of the missing diners.

The manager then changed his mind and said it was for the food that would be wasted because the people would not be eating it. Some of the people in our party were students. On hearing about the extra food, asked if it could be given to them so they could reheat it for meals during the following week.

At this the manager said that this would not be possible because all meals were prepared as needed, so the extra food had not actually been cooked.

The person paying the bill then informed the manager that we would be unwilling to pay for anything we would not actually be getting. If the food had not been cooked, then it was still in storage and was, theoretically, not wasted. You would not buy steak and then leave it on the counter to be sold to someone else.

In the end the restaurant manager agreed he would actually not be that much out of pocket and a sum was added to the bill as a compromise. But it was a great deal less than the cost of the 4 “wasted” meals.

Lots of restaurants rely on embarrassment factor. Hoping people will not want to cause a scene. But a meal is like any other bought commodity. If you are not going to receive it, then it pays to check what you are actually being charged for. Any food that does not leave the restaurants kitchens is routinely recycled into other dishes, so check if the food is actually going to waste. You could always take it with you and give it to a passing homeless person. Or give a local pet a treat!

dronid

I've been here before! I would pay the increased proportion on the basis that the hosts get the money back from their friends. I wouldn't want to bail on them with a huge bill.

LCFC_Foxile

ann_mary wrote: »

The person paying the bill then informed the manager that we would be unwilling to pay for anything we would not actually be getting. If the food had not been cooked, then it was still in storage and was, theoretically, not wasted. You would not buy steak and then leave it on the counter to be sold to someone else.

Lots of restaurants rely on embarrassment factor. Hoping people will not want to cause a scene. But a meal is like any other bought commodity. If you are not going to receive it, then it pays to check what you are actually being charged for. Any food that does not leave the restaurants kitchens is routinely recycled into other dishes, so check if the food is actually going to waste.

This really is worth bearing in mind in the future for anyone that ends up in a similar situation - as long as you are diplomatic & not end up in an argument, there's no way a manager could say that you are wrong.

Well done ann mary!

*Louise*

I would go back and let the hosts know what was said, in the hope that something could be sorted. If we were having to pay for 6 uneaten meals, at the very least I would be wanting them made up to 'take away'

If that happened, then I would pay the extra, if the hosts really couldn't afford it - but I would expect them to make a good attempt to recuperate the money from the no-shows and refund me at a later date.

I don't mind paying to join someone out on a birthday meal, although I am with the people who resent subsidising drinkers.

OH and I went out for a family meal and someone in their 'wisdom' decided the cost should just be split between the men. There was just OH and I there, but other men had grown up daughters as well as wives there, who had all been drinking.
That meant although our meals barely came to £30, OH had to pay £70 (and had to discreetly borrow £20 from a family member as he didn't have enough cash on him) I hated being us put in that situation, and certainly wouldn't do it again.