Black Dog of Depression - can we help each other?

crazy_girl

LameWolf wrote: »

She's a black labrador.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y17/LameWolf/MollyAug09006.jpg

aw how cute is she?

well getting all worked up about drop in was a bloody waste of time! took me a good 3 hours to get ready enough to leave the flat, I went all the way down there and there was a sign in the door saying it had been cancelled

jennihen

hello LameWolf -thankyou - I feel that no one understands what this is like. When I'm well its great, when I'm ill its carp!!! All my life I've been 'erratic' - is it any wonder?? Its only the steroids that keep me going!! I find it hard to stay positive as my list of things to do gets ever longer.
I only know one other person with Lupus and I'm sorry to say that she does my head in!! At least I have good days!!
Sorry bout the cold - I've been plagued since June -my lovely children pick up a mild sniffle at school and insist on sharing it around!!
Hope tomorrow is a good day for you too . . .
GBY
JH x

jennihen

I had a good nights sleep last night. I'd been reading the rest of this thread and realised that there are other people in the same boat.
I lost my mother and my brother to alcoholism end of last year,beginning of this year. It was a really difficult time. There's not a day goes by that I don't think or dream about them. There was a lot of history - my mum started drinking after my dad died when I was 7. The Lupus started soon after but my mum would never acknowledge there was anything wrong with me - as far as she was concerned I was doing it for attention!
I've got three children and so far my son has had an autoimmune disease. I watch my girls like a hawk for signs.
Anyway, today is a new day, I'm up and moving and I've got the morning at home so I'm going to tackle the housework! first job -the ironing in front of Jeremy Kyle!!
Just seen the weather - it might thunder later. I love a good thunder storm!
Hope everyone else woke up feeling fine . . .

LameWolf

Hello all.

Crazy_girl what a flippin' nuisance about the drop-in. That's so annoying, when you've gone to all the bother to get ready and go down there.

Jennihen wow, you've sure been through the mill. Have fun with the ironing LOL. Mr LW does ours, as he's better at it than me and doesn't mind doing it.
I know what you mean about the "to do" list getting longer - it seems every time I tick something off mine, there's another 2 things to add to it!

I'm a lot less "coldy" today (thank goodness) - apart from my voice being MIA, I'm not too bad now, so will be pottering around to try and do a few jobs before Molly arrives. I try and make the most of better days; my downfall is that I usually overdo it and knock myself sideways. One day I'll learn to pace myself......:rolleyes:

Happy Wednesday, everyone.:o

jennihen

This thread went awfully quiet - was it me??!!

dane-katie

Had a bad day today, nearly took all my tablets OH stopped me, but OH drove me to it, wish it had ended had enough, he said some hurtful things because he was angry and i dont know what to do, they keep going around in my head, he said i am not bipolar even though i have been diagnosed he said i only think i am because i want to be Kerry Katona but that is totally wrong, i can empathise with her since i am bipolar and been bankrupt too, thats all
He said one phone call he could make my life hell (meaning ringing the hospital and getting me sectioned) im really down, just think whats the point in taking my medication? if he thinks i am a lair everyone else will, ARGH just down, was getting better but now ive had enough, i dont want to be sectioned but i am scared to get help.

crazy_girl

It's been a very stressful day today, my pup cut her paw last nigth on a walk and today she had to have it stitched, she was in the vets all day and I was distraught. She's my first pet I've had as an adult and I've never been in a vets before, I ended up sobbing on the phone to hubby who was very good, he got me to get the bus to where he works and took a long dinner to spend time with me and calm me down and so he was there when I had to ring the vets back to check on her. She's currently hobbling round the flat poor thing.

On a positive note, I've been able to write again! I'm a writer and haven't been able to pen anything half decent in about two months. I wanted to share my latest poem with you all.


Keep Talking

I look well
But I’ve lost weight
I look a bit tired
But it suits, apparently
I um and ah and nod appropriately
And my ears aren’t here
And she keeps talking
I’m so lucky to get up when I like
And I’m desperately trying to work out how
To explain how it can take all day
To summon the strength to make the tea
And even then I need someone in there with me
And I’m only making !!!!ing beans on toast
And my mind isn’t here
And she keeps talking
And I’m desperately trying to work out how
To describe when you feel so low
That sobbing can no longer suffice
And I just lie on my bed
With my poor bemused pup by my side
Shaking and trying to lick my soaked cheeks dry
And my eyes aren’t here
And she keeps talking
I um and ah and nod in all the right places
And she could be any one of a hundred or more faces
And I don’t want to be here
And she keeps talking

crazy_girl

lamewolf- hows it going with molly?

dane-katie- i went through somethign similar with my hubby, he got really stressed about me being ill and said some pretty nasty stuff too but it came from just being so stressed himself at being left to look after me all alone. please dont take all your tablets. if you seriously want to end it all then maybe hospital is the best place for the time being. i know its scary, ive been there! but any other illness when it gets that bad you go to hospital, so it shouldnt be any different.

dane-katie

Thanks crazy_girl, i hate hospitals, so does OH and i know for a fact he wouldnt visit me if i ended up there, plus OH auntie got MRSA from that hospital TWICE and i think it could do with a clean, i hate to not have my own space, if i was put on a ward i would walk out just think i need to calm down and let things settle, thanks for your advice

LameWolf

jennihen wrote: »

This thread went awfully quiet - was it me??!!

LOL No of course not; I've got Molly Dog visiting me til 1st November, so using a lot of my energy on looking after her at the mo. I'll still be around on here, though.:o

((((Dane_katie)))) sweetie, I went through something very similar with my ex - he threatened to get me "locked up" as he put it; told me to "go ahead and commit suicide". You know what? I wouldn't give him the satisfaction! You don't need to be sectioned in order to get some help; I don't know the proper channels to go through (my ordeal was seven years ago and I've blocked a lot of it), maybe speak to your GP or specialist? Do you have a CPN or anything? Ask for the help you need yourself, and that way you'll stay in the driving seat, so to speak. And keep posting on here, so we know you're holding up.

Crazy_girl Molly's doing fine, we're enjoying having her to stay, thanks. Sorry to hear about your pup's paw. Don't be hard on yourself, these things do happen, but it's horrible when you're not used to dealing with it, and it's only natural for you to be desperately worried. Just give her lots of TLC and follow the vet's advice and she'll be fine. (Not saying what I'd do to litter louts who leave broken glass/jagged tins around.....:mad:) What's the little lass's name, by the way?
What a lovely poem; I had tears in my eyes as I read it. Do you have a notebook (either a real paper one or a folder on the computer) to keep your poetry in? I used to write, but haven't done so for a long time now.