Black Dog of Depression - can we help each other?

LameWolf

LimeLight wrote: »

a friend of mine hung himself on monday

No-one had any idea he was feeling like this.

Limelight, I am so sorry. I don't know that there's anything I can say that will be helpful. What an awful shock. ((((HUG))))

LameWolf

mustangsal wrote: »

Hi all, feeling really down, dogs really getting at me. i just want to crawl into bed and hide. .

Sal, m'dear, don't let 'em get to you. You know you're doing the best you can; sounds like you made an honest mistake with the days, and I've yet to meet anyone who's never done that in their life. It's a shame that your rellies and OH's don't get on, but that's not your fault. Sorry you've had to cope with being unwell on top of it all - that just about puts the tin hat on it, doesn't it? Hang in there, mate, there's got to be something better coming along. Have a Wolfy (((HUG))) to be going on with.

Jokey

I am so very glad I found this thread! I have suffered for years, as long as I can remember. I was in denial for a very long time until I was at the point of trying to take my life and ending up in hospital.

I had a great couple of years between 2006-08 (had my children 3 of them ), I was actually happy, never 100% (don't think as a sufferer you ever can be). However in Jan 2009 I was admitted into hosital and diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Since then I have been on a downward spiral. My health is deteriorating and I have only left the house once in over a month. I have never been as bad as this before and not sure what to do. My OH has to do everything as I am always too tired, I sleep 90% of my day

I just want to have the 'want' in me, I want to be able to go out, have fun, I wish I wanted to do it. I put everything off (bills etc) and if people want to come visit I make excuses so I dont have to see anyone. The only thing I do now is spend 2-3 hours in the bath and read a book. I become so engrossed in it and I am just not me for that time.

I am really at a loss as to what to do. I don't know how far it's going to get, it's just getting out of control.

Sorry to moan, I am sure you all have your own worries and dont need to listen to me . I actually feel a little better after writing this

Thanks, Sweetie xx

black_paw

ahs weetie i spent the weekend the same, lack of energy ect, did'nt even go to friends for special choco cake ! just so sleepy , but weird dog seems to have gone on holiday for week and taken my energy, badly wanted to go boot fair just for coffee and donut . but legs just tired out, i sleep for 10-14 hours out like. phone rang this morning at 10'30 i was coma like , it was brother throught you be up this time huh what , like middle of night for me. ans have'nt taken any pills. bit better to day and managed to go friends and flop on her sofa , she v.good brings coffee and snack. well thats me today off to bed late now xx

LameWolf

Sweetie welcome. Sounds to me like you're just coming to terms with your diagnosis - give yourself some time and be kind to yourself. Is your GP/specialist helpful? Maybe it'd help to discuss how you feel with them?

I don't know a lot about Crohn's, but would it be worth seeing if you can find a supportive website?

At the very least, you're welcome to chat here.

Folks - just so that no-one thinks I've fallen off the planet, I'm going to be away for the next 10 days. Look after each other, and I'll "see" you when I get back.:o

Magenta

Sweetie, welcome to the thread.

First you are not alone, 90% of the people who post on this thread feel exactly as you do. Unfortunately there is no 'cure' for depression but sometimes anti depressant tablets CAN help. They are not an instant remedy as they can take up to 6 weeks before they have any positive effect. So it's maybe something that you could try.
Anyway, hang in there, we are all rooting for you.

earthmother

I'm not sure if I should even be posting here, but having lurked for a while, there are so many of your descriptions that could be me talking.

I've 'struggled' for what is almost 20 years now, and for a while I thought I had it under control, but it's getting worse again.

I finally got the courage up to go to the docs a few weeks back - up until now for some reason I've always chickened out - felt a bit better by the time the appt came around, so rather than waste their time have cancelled appts. Typically enough he 'didn't have time' that day - that set me back a bit. Finally got to see him today - and as soon as he realised that one recent 'bad patch' just happened to coincide with my period, that was it - PMS - take some St Johns Wort, problem solved, job done, goodbye. He even said the first thing he thought when I said I was having problems was periods, so he was glad he was right. Apparently the fact that it comes and goes, and that it's been going on so long, means that it can't be depression?!

But it's not sorted, is it - I'm sat here crying, I haven't even looked my kids in the eye yet since they came out of school, can't be bothered with anything, and this is (or was before the appt) to me a good day.

The bad patch he tied into my period? I spent 4 days having as little contact with the rest of the house as possible - slept more often than not, didn't eat, turned my back on my own kids when they brought me a bunch of flowers to cheer me up - it was as if I was on the outside looking in - I knew I must have hurt them, heck, I'm still guilty about it now, but I just couldn't react. I spent the last of the 4 days almost constantly crying (which was a new one on me).

For some reason, I looked up depression tests - did the Goldberg one - I know self-diagnosis is dangerous, but - the only question I was able to answer positively at that point was the suicide one. And I'm not much better now. Wonderful!


But for some reason I couldn't put any of this into words earlier today - so he got 'I feel a bit down every now and then'. Managed to relate the flower event (burst into tears doing that), but that was it. If he'd just asked some questions about something other than my cycle. Is this struggle to verbalise it normal - or is it me? I can type it out easily enough obviously - although maybe that's because I can take my time and edit.

mustangsal

Earthmother: Please don't feel alone in this, your doctor shoul have asked more questions, picked up on more, after all a large part of their job is diagnosis and they aren't going to manage that by presuming rather than asking.
If you find it easier to write things down than talk and explain them, then do that and give it to your doctor. I have done this many times myself. i find it difficult to vocalise how i'm feeling. it seems more of an admission of weakness if i say it rather that write it. My doctor is fine with me writing it all down and she's very understanding of my lack of ability to vocalise my feelings, as usually when i try i end up in floods of tears and cant talk anyway. writing it all down can also be quite cathartic, i find i feel a bit lighter afterwards. I hope this helps. take care.

LameWolf

Hi all,

I'm back, finally (a few days later than planned as I've been unwell since we got back from holiday - long story).

Earthmother - welcome - IMHO you could do worse than to copy your post onto a Word document, print it, and show it to your GP. You came across very eloquently, and no, it's not at all unusual to get all tongue-tied when we get in the surgery.

I have to have my long-suffering hubby with me because brainfog kicks in whenever I get within shouting distance of a medical bod, so don't worry about that - they're used to patients doing such things.

Hoping today is a good one for you.

earthmother

Thank you both.

Having a slightly better day today - or was until the plumber turned up - why is it that I can be feeling pretty good, and the tiniest silly thing can put me right back to square one.

I have started to keep some notes - if only to prove the doc wrong on the PMS thing - and it is a little cathartic as you say Mustangsal, although sometimes it does have the opposite effect.

I'm annoyed with myself about the doc thing - I'd worked out what I wanted to say, but as soon as he said 'how can I help' it all vanished. I'm normally so good at putting things across - have been talking to GPs, hospitals, SWs etc on DHs behalf for 8 years now (disability, lots of add-on illnesses), and dealing with schools, SENs etc for the kids, without any problems, but as soon as it comes to me ...

Where's the 'shrug and sigh' smilie?