Black Dog of Depression - can we help each other?

System

Does anyone else not feel "worthy" of help? I can't work and now have no job so i basically have no money but can't find the motivation to fill in forms and apply for benefits. I feel like i'm not ill enough. That there are people worse off than me. That i don't deserve the help. I feel like people are looking at me and thinking i should be working so even if i did apply for help they'd grass me up as a benefit cheat even though i do need the help. I'm so paranoid about it all.

i keep thinking whats the point? i can't afford to live so i shouldnt be here. i mentioed to the gp last time i saw her that i felt i was getting really down again but she told me i just need to wait for my new meds to kick in. they seem to be doing sweet f.a.

someone please tell me this will get better? having suffered from depression half my life i'm struggling to see myself ever free of it (or the borderline personality disorder)

LameWolf

Hello, MessedUp, welcome to the thread.

Yes, I can definitely identify with your post. Years and years of whatever I did not ever being good enough for my parents made me feel like I wasn't worthy of even breathing, let alone anything else.

How long have you been on your meds? I gather that some of them can take several weeks to kick in properly, so it may be that you need to hang in there a bit longer and they'll start to work.

I agree benefit application forms are daunting, but please do sit down and get them filled in. You don't know what you might be entitled til you ask! And remember that you're as entitled to help as anyone else who needs it; just because there are others worse off than you doesn't negate your need or your entitlement!

One thing I always do is to scan the forms once I've filled them in and keep a copy on the computer btw. Also, if it's a very long form, I do it in small "bites" over two or three days - if I didn't do this, my writing would be completely illegible by halfway down page two!:rotfl:

I hope things start to look up for you soon. Don't forget to pop back and let us know how you're doing.:o

earthmother

MessedUp - I know how you feel. I've been struggling for what I now realise has been over half my life, but I've always found some reason to convince myself it's not really anything - exam stress, job stress, even the weather has been blamed, then my husband became disabled 8 weeks after our first child was born (and I never admitted my PND to anyone either) and we became reliant on benefits. Since then, I've avoided seeing docs etc on my own behalf as I always feel like they're looking at me as if I'm trying to get signed off too.

Strangely enough I've always been able to deal with the 'official stuff' for DH, but as you can see from earlier posts doing it for myself is another matter - again partly because of the 'worthiness' factor I think.

If you're struggling with your forms, is there someone who could help? A friend or family member, the CAB etc? Or as Lamewolf suggested - do it in little bits over a few days.

I don't know about meds - I've not got that far - but I really hope things do start to ease up for you.

mymonkeylife

Messed Up - I know that feeling all so well. It almost feels like you're wasting someone's time.....but, through my own experiences, I can only say that because at times we feel that we're not worthy of it. On more claritive days we know that we are.

This is such a great support forum and I appreciate everyone that's here and I wish to offer my thanks. Such support from complete strangers, bonded by the fact that we have troubles.

I'd rather have these feelings than no feelings at all.

Let's not forget that, in fact, we're all amazing.
xx.

black_paw

feel really poorly to day, lots of pain in hands and body unable to cook meal ... yes did eat ... instant meal thing, unable to do washing up .. and place a mess ... eaten two portions of cheesecake to try to feel happy , but raging headache.feeling down ,want to be happy and not in pain ! trying not to take the pill as don't want to be zombie tomorrow. well off to bed now nity nite

black_paw

veggyboy wrote: »

Thanks Jamla, tummy has gone down a little, though I think I have gained some weight also. Waiting for the hospital appointment to come through (should have been 4 weeks, like thats going to happen). Went to see my warfrin nurse last week and she asked if I wanted to be transfered to the Queen Liz in Brum. Strange as its no where near me and is where I will have to go if I get on the transplant waiting list. Maybe something is happening?
I caved and gave in to the ciggies as well, that hasn't helped, I feel like I am on a spiral now... wheeee. Still doctors on Monday and will be taking the drugs I think as I just feel ?? thats the best way to describe it.

have you phone hospital direct about appointment ? some times if you phone in you can get a canceled one ! i waited 6 weeks for an appointment for x-ray and decided to phone in , they had losted the letter for the appointment ect. but said come by this afternoon and they will do it, i arrived but they still did'nt know what bit to x-way !! lucky i knew it was the very sore neck and shoulder D'OH :rotfl::rotfl:

lolababy

Hi messed up, please ask your gp to refer you to the mental health team. Its not doing you any good waiting for medication to kick in. If you go to your nearest A& E they will have a psychiatrist see you .The first option may take a while but the second one may be the best if your unable to wait.
The forms that you need to fill in for benefits can be long and sometimes confusing. Try to get help to fill them in. Google Mind and see if there is one in your area as they will help. Also carers centers in your area will help ,
Its really hard to feel that life is worth living when depression sets in but you have taken the step to tell others how you feel . Your next step is to claim the money you are entitled to. Paranoia can be a symptom of depression but you need to push the negative thoughts away. Nobody on here will tell you that the road is easy but yes things do improve.
Its best to take baby steps. Break your day down . Make it a goal that you can reach ie get washed, make a cup of tea, open the curtains. All seem simple actions but even those simple daily things are like mountains when your depressed.
Keep communicating with others even if its on sites like this. Tell yourself that light is at the end of the tunnel.

mymonkeylife

Wow Lolababy.....you've just described my whole day and the things that I need to do.
No wash, no curtains, no tea. I'd convinced myself that I was just being lazy.

Love to all of us. x.

LameWolf

mymonkeylife wrote: »

Let's not forget that, in fact, we're all amazing.

Good point, and something we all need reminding of now and then!

lolababy wrote: »

If you go to your nearest A& E they will have a psychiatrist see you .

Now, that's something I didn't know.... thanks for the heads-up!

I have some good news for a change; I've been accepted as a dog-sitter for a company that offers an alternative to puttting dogs in kennels while their family go on holiday. Basically, I'll be having clients' dogs to stay with me in my bungalow. I've said I can only take quiet-natured dogs (probably specialising in older dogs) and they must be able to walk beside a mobility scooter. It's all ad-hoc, and I don't know how often I'll be called on - but HEY, something useful to do.:j

veggyboy

LameWolf wrote: »

Good point, and something we all need reminding of now and then!


Now, that's something I didn't know.... thanks for the heads-up!

I have some good news for a change; I've been accepted as a dog-sitter for a company that offers an alternative to puttting dogs in kennels while their family go on holiday. Basically, I'll be having clients' dogs to stay with me in my bungalow. I've said I can only take quiet-natured dogs (probably specialising in older dogs) and they must be able to walk beside a mobility scooter. It's all ad-hoc, and I don't know how often I'll be called on - but HEY, something useful to do.:j

Wow thats great news. Bet you are looking forward to it.:T