Black Dog of Depression - can we help each other?

Hawthorn

Rovers, Pm'ing you, ok?

emweaver

Well as I suspected I cancelled my appointment, still sat here in my pjs feeling really tired, achy and like I want to go out and I shouldnt of cancelled my appointment, although I know I wouldnt of gone anyway.

How does everyones partners deal with your illness?

Mine puts up with a lot and is usually supportive but occasionally it gets too much for him and he starts getting angry with me

[Deleted User]

Hi rovers :hello: and everyone

Don't know if writing things down helps everyone it helps me sometimes (if I can concentrate). Maybe it's just the cyclical nature of depression and anxiety that some symptoms are worse / better than others depending on what's happening in our lives.Maybe writing things down helps us to see if there is a pattern to our symptoms and triggers. i guess the main thing is finding a strategy or treatment that works for you as an individual and sticking with it, if you can. Hopefully the therapists / counsellors are a good 'match' to you and your issues

wish I had a partner....the only man I see regularly is the pizza delivery man once a week...does that count? otherwise I get my cuddles from the cat . I go to a night class but it's all ladies.
But it would be nice to have someone to natter with, watch TV with and to hold when I'm down. Or even for me to support them. That's the thing with long-term illnesses...it's all too easy to become isolated...Yay for the internet and this forum.:T

Hawthorn

emweaver wrote: »

How does everyones partners deal with your illness?

Mine puts up with a lot and is usually supportive but occasionally it gets too much for him and he starts getting angry with me

He used to give me a blanket, a pillow, and do everything - he let me get on with it, and gave me a plentiful supply of tea.

I don't think (although it was wonderful of him) that it did me any favours really.
Sometimes I resent him now, even though I know he's doing the right thing - he refuses to do my jobs. If I can't pick the kids up from school because I'm busy, fair enough, but if I'm sat there all down and depressed, he refuses to go. He will come WITH me, but won't let me skaive out of doing it.
Nowadays, he can read me well enough to know when I need leaving alone, and when I require a kick up the jacksy, even though I don't know it

He's always, ALWAYS, very encouraging when I have a good day though. He notices all of the little things....like make up, extra effort with appearance, an especially nice meals and he always gives me a kiss/cuddle to say thank you, I noticed you did this, etc.
Sometimes I feel taken for granted, but I'm not sure why? Still, I never said I was sane :rotfl:

Possibly the best thing is if I am really rough he manages to push me into doing stuff, without me even realising it. It'll be like 'come on, lets go do the pots, I'll wash, you dry, then I can make a cup of tea/some lunch etc' I won't want to, but since he's been so nice about it, I can hardly refuse, and, it does make me feel better once I'm up and doing.
He also knows that getting washed/dressed will help boost my mood, if only for a while, so he'll iron stuff, sort bathroom out, run me a bath and then surprise me with it.

Oh, and he works full time.

This guy is going to be canonised sooner or later :rotfl:

My mum suffers w/depression though, and my dad gets cross with her. He thinks she should just 'pull her socks up'. That just makes her feel even worse (i know cos he's done it to me!)
It must be so hard for a) them to understand - I don't think you really can unless you've been there, and b) to cope with that on top of the way you are feeling anyway.

Back to hub though - he has been my lifesaver, truly, and I know how really, really lucky I am.
I had a very close call back in November - that was the turning point for me, and when I really started to get better I think.

LameWolf

emweaver wrote: »

How does everyones partners deal with your illness?
Mine puts up with a lot and is usually supportive but occasionally it gets too much for him and he starts getting angry with me

Mine has, quite literally, saved my life.

I had my "exit" all planned, even down to selecting an auspicious day for it, then he came into my life and gave me a reason to hang on here. (Long story that I won't bore you all with).

He deals very well with the physical aspects as well - lupus has been a fairly steep learning curve for both of us; and although he has to work full time, and therefore I'm on my own indoors a lot, he will leave things set up so that I can do what I need to - get the bread machine down (it lives on top of the fridge freezer) or the set up food processor, that sort of thing. And at weekends, we do housework together, so that I'm doing a share, but he does the parts I can no longer manage.
Oh, and he even eats "experimental" meals and never complains.:D
He never gets cross (patience of a saint, as I know I'm not the easiest person to live with), never whinges if I need him to help with something, and TBH I can't believe my luck in finding him.
Another one due for canonisation, I think.:o

emweaver

Im glad youve both gfot supportive husbands too.

I never really thought about the things my dh does but I do wish he would be more encouraging rather than just leaving me to it.

We do share the housework on weekends. Before he goes to work he will get things out for me for dd to have her breakfast, he will even get her a drink ready bless him and on the rare occasion I do go out make her sandwiches for lunch.

He does all the washing up and used to do all the cooking but Ive started to help with the cooking as we did fall out a lot over that as he was too tired on getting in from work. So I say we share that too now.

The hardest thign I find is looking after DD shes not at school yet. I feel awful as I feel I neglect her, she wants to play go out, but Im always too tired to do these things with her. Im short tempered (where im tired all the time mayve) and find myself telling her off for silly things. She is booked into playgroup and half the time I cant even bring myself into taking her to that. I wish she could have a normal childhood but with a mum like me she doesnt have a chance.

DH will take her out on the weekend and pretty much takes over when hes home. She is very clingy and hard work, which is due to my illness as shes with me 24/7. He will feed her tea (shes 3 and wont feed herself, meal times takes an hour!v stressful), bath her and read her a story then we both tuck her in.

black_paw

well lifted today , and dog gone..3 good things happened , got super soft, back support swivel chair for computer at well knocked down price at local store ,they carried to car and kind man put down the car seats too , as heavy for me to do. and shut door .. psp got reduced at shop as been waiting long time, idea for watching movie in bed ect where i live mostly .. found £1 in the shopping trolley ..wow ... now totally worn out and dog is back as stressed about how to get the things working hoping for friend to come thurs or sat to set up psp thingy . well off now ..bye all

Magenta

Well done Jamila.

Well, I have been asleep for a couple of days(have M.E) but as soon as I woke up the dog(Black) jumped on me!! If only there was a place that took Black Dogs in for holidays to give us all a bit of a rest from them!!:(
love to all.

LameWolf

:idea: What we need is a Barbara Woodhouse figure for Black Dogs. Or - who's that Mexican chap, the Dog Whisperer - Cesar something-or-other.

Mine has been whinging a bit the last few days, but I'm trying to get him to lie down quietly. That's all I'll say for now, or I'll get myself down again.:o

(((HUGS))) to all Black Dog owners.

black_paw

hi dog well asleep , friend turned up and helped with all new things and ordered bits on e-bay for me , some how got in state over it and cound'nt do it ! going to pot. he is very helpful , try to have custard cream cakes in fridge most of the time in case LOL ... he changed duvet cover and sheets aswell as i find it near impossible most of the time. bye for now xx