Black Dog of Depression - can we help each other?

Hawthorn

Ok, what my psychologist says to do in situations like this is get a notebook (I have one specifically for this)

Write headers at the top - obviously I don't know what's appropriate for you here, but as I guess I would say logic is one of them. Is this logical?

Write down all of the reasons it is logical to feel this way, to you, then write down reasons to discount this theory. Why ISN'T it logical. The aim is to be able to discount all of the reasons why you think your husband won't get there.
Somehow, it helps to get them all on paper - write down everything that you can think of..all of your thoughts and feelings.
I had similar worries about going out and about generally. It's awful, and I really feel for you, but one key point is really, can you do anything about this? Does the worry gain anything for you? Or does it leave you in an anxious state.

Does any of that make sense?

Another thing I've been taught is distraction techniques - you need something to rebalance your brain. Worry/anxiety etc work on once side of the brain.....so you need something to bring the other side back into play.
A simple exercise - it sounds nuts, I know - is to bring one knee up, say the left, then touch with your right hand. Repeat on the right knee, and touch with the left, and so on.
Exercise boosts endorphins, and you are also distracted and rebalancing your brain at the same time.
Another technique is a breathing technique called hooking up.
sit down, making sure the small of your back is supported. Cross your legs, at the ankles, then cross your wrists, and put the palms of your hands together. If this isn't comfortable, just cross them.
Breathe - start by taking the air into your lower tummy, then building it to your chest - hold for a second, then let it out, in reverse, hold for a second, then inhale again.
With practise this really helps to relax you, and it does get easier.

I hope some of this has been helpful

emweaver

Hi, have just seen this thread so thought I would come and join in

emweaver

Hawthorn wrote: »

I have been hospitalised, several times with depression - the most recent being november last year.

I am currently doing CBT, and though it is VERY hard work, and something you really have to be ready for and willing, it is very effective.
It's also worth contacting mind. They are running a self esteem/confidence course in my area at the moment, free of charge, and it's been the most wonderful help.
So yeah, after being ill for many, many years, CBT seems to be the light at the end of my tunnel. It's nothing to be afraid of.....you don't even have to rehash past stuff (as in traditional counselling methods). It's just empowering, truly.

How does CBT work?

I went to see a counsellor last year for CBT I had 4 sessions with him explaining how I feel, what I do, think etc and then he said he didnt like to admit defeat but felt he couldnt help me and to ask the doctor to be referred elsewhere. I didnt actually get to have CBT.

It really upset me and knocked me back but Ive been referred now back to the counsellors to try CBT with a different counsellor. Got my appointment Monday and am a bix anxious about it, thats if I bring myself to go as I find it a struggle to getg up, dressed, out of the house even though my appointm ent isnt until 2.30

emweaver

LameWolf wrote: »

This struck a chord with me - every morning when my husband goes to work, I sit with my heart in my mouth til he texts me to say that he's arrived safely.

I am the same, i set my alarm to wake me up for when Dh arrives at work and I ring him if he doesnt answer I feel sick and think something has happened and have rang the office. Its the same if he doesnt answer in his lunch breaks. The worse is after work if hes anymore than 5 minutes late I stand at the window constantly ringing his mobile, last time I was being sick and shaking and he had only gone to get fuel so was all of 10 minutes lates.


I also worry about my daughter every night before I go to bed I have to stand and watch her for 5 minutes to watch her breathing or I think something bad will happen to her and if I hear the slighest noise in the night I have to repeat this.

I worry bout death happening to myself, if I feel sick Ive got food poisoning, if Ive used bleach I think Ive swallowed it and convince myself I can taste it and my mouth ism burning, whenever Im ill I assume the worse. Im too scared to touch raw meat, go in a car, get on a train etc as I assume something will happen to me.

Magenta

emweaver wrote: »

How does CBT work?

I went to see a counsellor last year for CBT I had 4 sessions with him explaining how I feel, what I do, think etc and then he said he didnt like to admit defeat but felt he couldnt help me and to ask the doctor to be referred elsewhere. I didnt actually get to have CBT.

It really upset me and knocked me back but Ive been referred now back to the counsellors to try CBT with a different counsellor. Got my appointment Monday and am a bix anxious about it, thats if I bring myself to go as I find it a struggle to getg up, dressed, out of the house even though my appointm ent isnt until 2.30

I too struggle to get up and get dressed etc, I haven't been out of the house this year.I have a dentists apointment on Monday at 4.15 and have already being worrying for days whether I will manage to get there....:eek:

Hawthorn

emweaver wrote: »

How does CBT work?

I went to see a counsellor last year for CBT I had 4 sessions with him explaining how I feel, what I do, think etc and then he said he didnt like to admit defeat but felt he couldnt help me and to ask the doctor to be referred elsewhere. I didnt actually get to have CBT.

It really upset me and knocked me back but Ive been referred now back to the counsellors to try CBT with a different counsellor. Got my appointment Monday and am a bix anxious about it, thats if I bring myself to go as I find it a struggle to getg up, dressed, out of the house even though my appointm ent isnt until 2.30

That's a bit crappy - the thing with CBT is, I guess it works on the premise that this depression thing is under your control, to an extent. It's not a magic cure - it looks at your thought patterns.
One example I could give you is I got all stressed out about going out, and didn't go. What were the feelings surrounding that? Well, first off I didn't want to go out, because I didn't feel worthy of joining the human race. I then went on to list why I wasn't worthy of joining the human race, and when it's written down, you can kind of see how irrational much of it is. If you can't see it with some things (as I couldn't) the counsellor helps you to put it in some kind of logical form.
Believe me, I've about written war and peace by now :rotfl: because you do this for everything negative you think/feel, but it DOES get easier.
Much of these thoughts and feelings are automatic reaction. They are programmed into you, you've had them for so long. The idea of CBT is to lessen these thoughts, by changing them. Writing it down helps, and when you write down the reasons why you aren't a failure/a complete muppet/not worth living it actually begins to sink in.
One of my problems was/still is black and white thinking. For other people, there are shades of grey....they are allowed to make mistakes. Me though, not so much. If something isn't perfect, it's a complete failure (which makes no sense)
It's a way of making these thoughts rational again - seeing them for what they truly are.
You do it in your head, and chances are you ended up with a tangled mess, and absolutely convinced that you are right - you put it on paper, a) it's easier to argue with logically b) a lot of the time you can see it for what it is - not true.

emweaver

Another thing I have is checking everythign is off and when I do go out I end up going back after 3 times to check things like the cooker / iron is off. I told him this and he said whats the worse that can happen if its left on? My thoughts were the house could burn down. He said but how realistic is that and whats the worse that could happen if it did? At the time it felt patronising and made me uncomfortable and very upset but from reading your response he was trying to do CBT with me but I wasnt ready

Hawthorn

Did he tell you to write any of this down? It's no good just letting it go around in your head....you'll never get it straight

emweaver

No he never suggested writing it down. I dont think Im going to go tomorrow as since the appointments been made its playing on my mind plus I have nobody to have DD as she wont leave my side

quietheart

Hello, i really like this thread - can i come in?!
I was generally anxious but had a stroke and it's made me hugely anxious that I have no control over my body.
I've done all the writing down, logic/illogic stuff, I'm less anxious but probably more down. Is that normal?