Are these situtions different...or not?

aliasojo

lynzpower wrote: »

is the budget so tight he cant have a tenner a week for spends? then he can buy what he likes with it- cds, coffee etc.

That's £40 a month. Not got a hope of that I'm afraid.


I personally think it's unfair if one gets and the other doesn't. I think if he did get some sort of money allocated just for his own personal use, then that would soon cause resentment as Mrs Smith never spends any money on herself. She hasn't even bought so much as a mascara in ages as she says they cant afford luxuries and she no longer wears make up.

I think they need to build in a small amount even if it's only a tenner a month and alternate who gets it. Sounds rubbish but at least both of them would get something out of it even although it would be small.

aliasojo

ceridwen wrote: »

One of them at least works - so I'm thinking surely there must be some small amount of "leeway"? Ultimately - we are all human and will "break out" and take a bit of money for discretionary spending - even if there isnt any to take (voice of experience time here).

I guess two thoughts:
a. They post on the Debt Free Wannabee Board to see if anyone can suggest any ways they can save on essential expenses - to make some money available for discretionary spending for them both - without Mr Smith having to feel that the only way he is going to get any is to just plain take it. I can certainly see why he feels he is working - so he should have some personal money - as I feel exactly the same - as in "Whats the point of having a job - if I still dont have any money to call my own?".

b. Is there any way either of them could earn a bit of extra income? - even if its just the "famous" MSE on-line surveys or something.

I agree. I think in theory it's fine to have your nose to the grindstone but in reality it's not practical to always enforce and I think it's important to recognise that.

They dont have internet so 'no' to the last two points.

pinkshoes

Does Mrs Smith work as well as Mr Smith?

Mrs Smith should spell it out bluntly to Mr Smith that they have NO money for any extras, and if either of them want any luxuries, they would have to raise the extra cash themselves. Is it not possible for one or both of them to extend their working hours or get a better paid or second job?

LittleTinker

Mr Smith should make sure he has what he needs in his packed lunch box and also a few pounds in change in the car for emergencies only.

So....why does he then need to take any extra out at all?

Mrs Smith should not have to put up with this taking from the household budget and wanting to buy milk and finding the money gone would definitely upset me too.

I feel that Mr Smith is being selfish. Yes, I am sure he would like to treat himself now and then but at the moment, he cant. He needs to grow up!!

penguin83

I agree with Pink - if the budget is that tight that there is no room for the odd CD or whatever Mr S should raise the money himself or vice versa if it something Mrs S wants - ie sell a couple of old CD's to raise the cash for a new one.

x x

lynzpower

aliasojo wrote: »

That's £40 a month. Not got a hope of that I'm afraid.


I personally think it's unfair if one gets and the other doesn't. I think if he did get some sort of money allocated just for his own personal use, then that would soon cause resentment as Mrs Smith never spends any money on herself. She hasn't even bought so much as a mascara in ages as she says they cant afford luxuries and she no longer wears make up.

I think they need to build in a small amount even if it's only a tenner a month and alternate who gets it. Sounds rubbish but at least both of them would get something out of it even although it would be small.

OK, I understand a bit better now.

Basically the issue is one of budgeting- clearly.

I have certainly been where Mrs Smith has and Mr Smith ( my oH) not "getting it".

If there is no money for discretionary spending at all ( and I feel like sending Mrs smith one of the many mascaras I got for Xmas!) then its back to the MSE mantra of going without.

Cds are not neccesary items and if he must have them then can he use the library ( or is there really no money for this?) I have taken to listening to internet radio ( eg live365.com) where the choice & array of radio is really amazing. There are some online swapsie sites for CDs - However if they dont have internet access I dont know what to suggest. I suppose the natural suggestion is to sell what he has got that he doesnt want ( eg ebay music magpie) but again without internet connection its not easy- althugh libraries offer this for free of course. ( bit of hassle but people do it) or car boots/ sell to traders?

Hot drinks are expensive and for someone like me who works "on the road" they are vital to daily functioning especially in this weather brrr. . However, I just got a flask for Xmas and will fill with hot water and have fruit teas/ jar of hot choc, coffee & whitener etc in the glove box. Do they have a flask, can they scavenge one from anywhere/ birthdays etc.

The bottom line is ( and again I have been there) is that if all the outgoings are sliced back then the only option is to earn more - the usual suggestions apply if they cant do online stuff- babysitting/ ironing/ cleaning/ dog walking/ stick items in free-ads etc.

Spendless

I started a thread a long time ago in old-style cos I was having problems with hubby's pack up, not knowing whether he'd need it or not. The suggestions were that hubby kept a supply of 'shelf' items so he always had something in his car if he was short of lunch and for a while we did this.

ETA link

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=29267

aliasojo

Lol Spendless, I've just skimmed the thread and got to elona's post where her hubby ate his lunch at 8.30am. Men! Lol. Will go back and read properly and print out anything that might be useful for her/them.

Spendless

I've just re-read it myself and the same *situations* still occur as they did then. I just don't get on at him as much about them. I've ever mellowed or been worn down.:eek: :rotfl:

Emmylou_2

If I was Mrs Smith and Mr Smith put his hand in my purse without specific invitation then Mr Smith would find himself without a set of dangly bits.

When I lived with my ex, I was working, he was on the sick due to a work injury so money was tight - but still he didn't go in my purse. Obviously, he had the "housekeeping" budget but any money that was in my purse was joint too -but that didn't mean he could filch it.

I've just got this really old fashioned thing about people going through my handbag or my purse. I know it came from my mum and gran, but if I say to someone "Pass me my bag, I need my purse" and they go in it and just pass me my purse then I go off my head...