Are these situtions different...or not?

belfastgirl23

To me there's a basic politeness thing about not going into someone's bag/purse/wallet without specifically clearing it first....would it help if he were to 'ask' for the money?

I also think Mrs Smith earning some money might ease matters too though...not sure if that's helpful in their circumstances but if money is this tight then it might be a necessity....

aliasojo

Emmylou wrote: »

I've just got this really old fashioned thing about people going through my handbag or my purse. I know it came from my mum and gran, but if I say to someone "Pass me my bag, I need my purse" and they go in it and just pass me my purse then I go off my head...

Lol, actually I'm the same. I hate anyone going into my bag/purse unless I've specifically okayed it. I'm not sure Mrs Smith feels the same way about that or not, I just know she's not too happy about the money thing.

aliasojo

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I also think Mrs Smith earning some money might ease matters too though...not sure if that's helpful in their circumstances but if money is this tight then it might be a necessity....

Unfortunately for reasons I dont think it's right for me to go into, Mrs Smith isn't working and is unlikely to be any time soon, if at all.

Errata

Could it be that Mr S is useless with money because Mrs S allows him to be ?
If he can't manage money he's going to be up the creek if she gets run over by a bus.

aliasojo

I'm not sure tbh Errata, I do think there are people of both sexes who just either dont have the savvy required or the interest needed to deal with financial things. I'm not sure if Mr Smith falls into that category or not but I do know he's always had problems managing since he left home, and long before he met Mrs Smith.

My OH describes budgeting as being like a jigsaw and you have to constantly juggle pieces to make them all fit. He's crap at jigsaws. :rolleyes:

I have to say I think there are many men who would sink a little if their wives got run over by a bus.

Errata

There's something called something like "effective helplessness" eg women saying they couldn't possibly paint a wall/change a wheel etc because they know full well their partners will do it for them.
Could be that's what Mr S is practising it and Mrs S is colluding ?

pink_princess

I d flip roles ,make him take control and pay everything .That way he may appreciate what she goes through trying to pay everything.
Im sure she could work if she tried ,my mums in a wheelchair (drink driver hit her aghhh) but can serve behind a counter .It could help ease their situation abit.
Best of luck to them though esp in current times.
PP

aliasojo

Errata wrote: »

Could be that's what Mr S is practising it and Mrs S is colluding ?

I don't know for sure but my instincts say no, this isn't the case. From what I do know, he does try but seems to mess up a lot. (Unintentionally I believe.) Which is why Mrs Smith took charge.

He either forgets things or doesn't appreciate the knock on effect certain actions have. I think Mrs Smith now (after quite some years) doesn't feel secure that he can be sucessful with managing money and she wouldn't be happy to put her fate into his hands in case he got them evicted for non payment of something or other. (He's a lovely bloke but he is a bit Frank Spencer ish :rolleyes: ).

seven-day-weekend

I can understand him feeling resentful about having no money for himself when he works full-time. I actually find it quite hard to believe that there isn't enough money for a CD one month and a mascara the next. That's what, about £2.50 a week? Surely they can afford that?

However, I agree that he should not take it from her purse without at least informing her.

Savvy_Sue

I don't mind people getting my purse from my bag (if they can work out which pink bag to look in, that is), but NO-ONE takes money from my purse, they bring it to me. Not at 2 am, however ...

My mum also used to run this system, but would regularly make my dad miss his morning train if he'd forgotten to mention that he needed money the night before. Remember this is in the days before you could just nip out to the cashpoint, or get cashback at the local shop, so she used to go to the bank during the day. He'd say "Can you let me have some more money?" and she'd give him the 3rd degree over why he needed it, then say to find her purse, then take forever to look through it and grudgingly hand over a £1 note (yes it was a long time ago folks!), and if he asked for more she would give him the 3rd degree again.

I've never thought that was the best way of doing things, personally. And in the situation described, I think I would encourage Mrs to be pro-active about checking the night before whether cash is needed the next day, so that she can hand it over herself and know what she has left. If she's checking at regular intervals how much cash Mr has, then she can also check where it's gone, which would discourage Mr from not handing the change back / spending it on himself when he realises he has enough.

I do realise these are counsels of perfection. My sons are now responsible for their own bus fares etc, but sometimes I do need to give them cash - eg if I send them to buy milk! - and I am dreadful for asking for the change back!