Are these situtions different...or not?

aliasojo

Mr and Mrs Smith.

Mrs Smith is the main person responsible for budgeting and managing finances, Mr Smith tries but just doesn't have the best know how and isn't overly interested. Therefore trying to deal in the best way with something that he just cant get interested in, isn't the way to success whch is why Mrs Smith now deals with it all. As their budget is usually pretty tight, neither of them carry much actual cash on them.

(That's background, their way of working isn't the point of the discussion btw.)

Mr Smith takes a packed lunch to work but does occasionally need money for a sandwich or a coffee during his day, and as he never has any, he takes it from Mrs Smith's purse before he leaves. It's only a few quid but Mrs Smith only discovers this when she goes into her purse to pay for something. Part of her understands that as she usually carries the families 'pot' then the money is for both her and husband to use but another part is annoyed that she has budgeted for something and she then has to go out of her way to go to the bank to get more money, when Mr Smith could easily have taken a few quid out of the bank himself. Mr Smith reckons it's his as much as hers and it's tough if she needs to spend something, she's just as able to go to the bank as he is.

(The household cash used to be in a communal jar but it was getting frittered more often then as it was in sight and therefore in mind. Before they knew it, the amounts they were spending on trivial things was adding up, which is why Mrs Smith's purse became home to their cash)

The other 'issue' is that occasionally Mr Smith will 'collect' small amounts of money (taking a few quid more than is needed or not passing back change from shopping etc) which adds up and after a while he will buy cds with it for example. Mrs Smith never pays attention to what he has so he knows there wont be a problem about it. Mrs Smith eventually finds out and is annoyed that he has been a bit sly about it and thinks it's no different to her 'collecting' money and stashing it secretly. A point that Mr Smith disagrees with. Mr Smith is also a little fed up that he works but never seems to 'get' anything for it, which is probably why he does what he does.

Their budget is so tight that their simply isn't enough slack to allow them both a 'personal allowance' that they could use for their own wants.

Comments?

Btw...I should add this isn't about me, regulars will know I'm always happy to post about my own issues when I have them . But this is a genuine situation which is causing conflict for two basically nice people who are trying to get by as best they can.

I have my own thoughts on the subject but I wondered what others would think?

jillymit

I can see both Mr and Mrs' Smiths side here.
Could they both sit down and work out a daily/ weekly/ monthly budget that would cover what Mr Smith and Mrs Smith need with anything left over being theirs to spend as they wish on whatever they like?
Like a kind of pocket money system

Alikay

DH and I are very similar to the Smiths in how we handle the "petty cash", however DH doesn't buy treats solely for himself without letting me know. I don't treat myself either (though I sometimes wonder if DH sees certain household purchases like new towels, flowers, plants etc as mine!). I think what would annoy me would be the lack of communication, rather than Mr Smith's sense of entitlement. DH can have whatever he wants, he just needs to let me know, so I can allow for it and draw more from the ATM!

We don't experience any conflict as we both know what's going on. However I must admit to feeling narked on occasional mornings when my purse has been "raided" for school bus fares, DH's lunch and maybe a fiver swiped for someone's sponsored walk or retirement collection and I end up at the tea trolley with just 4p!!

B2B-2008

We are a lot like this couple. I have the control of the money and the cards. But my husband doesn't use any money in the day he lives off of his pack lunch. I'm the one that has to be careful with spending any extra on things that we really don't need.

But I do treat my husband to the DVD's he wants if we have food money left over. And sometimes we will have a coffee break whilst out shopping. These are our treats.

Having to save for our wedding for two years was good training for us.

Spendless

We practically have the same situation as alikay, however dh does shout to me that he's needed to take money, or ring me later and tell me.

Couldn't mr and mrs S put a cd a month?? (don't know how often people buy cd's )in the budget.

Does Mr Smith know in advance if he'll need cash that day? Our situation arises if hubby has to drive a distance and hasn't had time to go to cashpoint as he's not comfortble driving without any money on him and we also have the situation where he visits customers and doesn't know if any lunch will be provided.

Mojisola

aliasojo wrote: »

Their budget is so tight that their simply isn't enough slack to allow them both a 'personal allowance' that they could use for their own wants.

But they are both having a personal allowance - but at the moment it's random and uncontrolled which is why Mrs Smith ends up having to go to the bank when she finds Mr Smith has taken money from her purse.

There's one immediate way to solve that problem - Mr Smith always tells Mrs Smith when he takes money from her purse so that she isn't unexpectedly left short and feeling resentful about it.

For a longterm solution, for a month or so, both of them need to keep a record of absolutely every penny they spend. Have a look at where the money's going and assess whether it's all necessary. Average out the spending and allocate that much each for every week. Agree what happens to any left-overs - perhaps a "treat savings" would be a good idea.

SailorSam

I can't see a problem with Mr S taking money, and i don't think Mrs S should be upset about it, she knows her husband will occaiosionally need moey and does'nt usually carry cash. However he should let her know, not asking permission just so that she's not getting to the front of a check out before she realises her purse is empty.

Errata

My suggestion: household notebook in which everything that's spent gets written down and the book is balanced against the household money at the end of every day.
My question: why hasn't Mrs S got a secret slush fund ?

lynzpower

sounds like a nightmare. theres no way Id want anyone taking money from my purse as I know whats in there, what I can buy where I can go without having to get to a cashpoint etc. I carry a lot of change for parking for work and if I was short it would be a major inconvenience ( having to go cashpoint, get out a tenner, buy unneccesary item for change, drive back to correct place to park)

If Mr Smith cant stop buying things with communal money ( the jar the purse) then he needs to have some money for dsaily functioning. It must be awful for him to feel like he has to ask for a couple of quid fo a hot drink or effectively snaffle it from somewhere.

is the budget so tight he cant have a tenner a week for spends? then he can buy what he likes with it- cds, coffee etc.

Ps tell mr smith he should be getting cds on line much cheaper than shop prices much of the time/

ceridwen

I can sympathise with Mrs Smith - and also with Mr Smith.

I do see the point re a budget being that tight that there simply isnt enough for a personal allowance. If one of them was on benefit (i.e. not getting any income at all - if it had been going on for more than 6 months) - then I could see why there would literally not be 1p available for discretionary spending (assuming they are childless).

One of them at least works - so I'm thinking surely there must be some small amount of "leeway"? Ultimately - we are all human and will "break out" and take a bit of money for discretionary spending - even if there isnt any to take (voice of experience time here).

I guess two thoughts:
a. They post on the Debt Free Wannabee Board to see if anyone can suggest any ways they can save on essential expenses - to make some money available for discretionary spending for them both - without Mr Smith having to feel that the only way he is going to get any is to just plain take it. I can certainly see why he feels he is working - so he should have some personal money - as I feel exactly the same - as in "Whats the point of having a job - if I still dont have any money to call my own?".

b. Is there any way either of them could earn a bit of extra income? - even if its just the "famous" MSE on-line surveys or something.

aliasojo

Thanks for the replies everyone, I'll try to answer what I can...

jillymit wrote: »

Could they both sit down and work out a daily/ weekly/ monthly budget that would cover what Mr Smith and Mrs Smith need with anything left over being theirs to spend as they wish on whatever they like?
Like a kind of pocket money system

They have. The problem is there is no money left over at all after the necessities are dealt with. (I have seen Mrs Smiths budget btw and it IS tight.)

Alikay wrote: »

We don't experience any conflict as we both know what's going on. However I must admit to feeling narked on occasional mornings when my purse has been "raided" for school bus fares, DH's lunch and maybe a fiver swiped for someone's sponsored walk or retirement collection and I end up at the tea trolley with just 4p!!

I think this is the issue, the occasional 'swipe' which is largely unexpected and 'spur of the moment'

Spendless wrote: »

Couldn't mr and mrs S put a cd a month?? (don't know how often people buy cd's )in the budget.

Does Mr Smith know in advance if he'll need cash that day?

No, it depends on variables such as location and if there's anything left in the fridge or not, lol.

I suspect Mr Smith would be happy with this but Mrs Smith would then think it was too much of a regular luxury given that she has no personal spends and the money could go to a joint or family use which she thinks is fairer.

Mojisola wrote: »

But they are both having a personal allowance - but at the moment it's random and uncontrolled which is why Mrs Smith ends up having to go to the bank when she finds Mr Smith has taken money from her purse.

There's one immediate way to solve that problem - Mr Smith always tells Mrs Smith when he takes money from her purse so that she isn't unexpectedly left short and feeling resentful about it.

Mmm, I dont think I'd agree that Mrs Smith has a personal allowance, the money she has in her purse is for household things, not her own use. Agree about the random thing though.

Mr Smith leaves for work at 2am so therefore cant say immediately. He could leave a note (as this was suggested to him) but issue there might be he forgets. (He's not the most organised of people and tends to run out the house half asleep and last minute according to Mrs Smith)

Errata wrote: »

My question: why hasn't Mrs S got a secret slush fund ?

Cant answer that, dont know.