2009 diary - time to make changes!

Shoe_Gal

Today's positiives;

• a gym workout
• eaten well (so far)
• Slendertone
• relaxed with a book
• looking forward to The Apprentice!

I have £65 in my purse and am challenging myself to make it last until payday (unless Wales is rearranged, which counts as 'having fun along the way'). I have spent £8.57 today in Asda and now have enough in to last the week for breakfasts and dinners

I have a £50 reserve fund which can either be used to pay for Wales/any other invites or paid off my overdraft at the end of the month. I don't want to have to dip into it for day-to-day stuff. The challenge is on!

Shoe_Gal

Quite a rubbish week and I feel rubbish! :mad:

Have been really busy at work and am not getting the support I need. Have spoken to my boss and ended up tears - not exactly professional . He was quite sympathetic but hasn't offered any solution, so it's looks like it's going to carry on like this for a while. If I make too much fuss I run the risk of losing the bits of my job I actually enjoy and ending up with a boring, admin type role. Giving the 'good' bits to other departments is really the only workable option but not one I want, and I have said so

Have worked very long hours this week and as a result I have done no exercise and have eaten expensive rubbish :mad: I have spent almost all my £65 on rubbish food, takeaways and going out for lunch, plus have stuck a couple of things on my Barclaycard which I have only just cleared . I am now back to the weight I was at Christmas, feel really 'yuck' and am really angry with myself :mad: I do not feel in any way goddess like and my spending is out of control

And I have developed a crush on a guy who clearly doesn't fancy me and who actually went on a date last night with somebody else :rolleyes: I am too old for this, I usually just accept that I am not attractive to men and get on with my life - now I feel worse than usual :mad:

I am and :mad: and really ashamed of myself. Attractive men do not fancy fat, unattractive, older women and I know this so why have I let myself get in such a tizz

Need to sort my head out and come back with a plan

sarahb123_3

Shoe Gal, that reads very much like how i felt last week, I know it feels ****ing awful at the moment, but you will bounce back. Hope you feel better for getting it written down, it does make me feel more focused about it when I do and also I think it seems less overwhelming and more workable when you get it out of your system.

Don't beat yourself up about the spending, if it made you feel better then it was worth it. Life is more fun with splurges in it.

Re the weight, it really is a difficult thing and I am the last one to be able to give advice really, but you have to regroup and carry on. Remember you can only work with what you have and if we stick to our 1lb a week for Christmas we will have lost 26lbs:D

Work being rubbish is a horrible thing to have to get through, but I think you are right to stick to your guns and refuse to give up the good bits, at least you have spoken to your boss and he knows how you feel, can you have another think about a workable solution and see if you can come up with something that is less stressful but lets you keep the bits you like? Or maybe take a break from those things while you do the admin things and get yourself back on track, so you can take those things on again?

As for the crush and him going out with someone else, I have been there so many times I probably deserve an honourary degree in it. :mad: I know there is not much I can say to cheer you up, but getting back on the godddess track will make you feel better. I know that when I am feeling hopeless it does help to spend a bit of time to get my room looking nice and tidy, do my nails and hair and put my best clothes on to just potter around in with a glass of wine and some music on. If someone has made you feel down you have to take extra care of yourself.

One thing I learned from my favourite self help book is that if you do the "positive affirmations" thing and say to yourself I am thin and healthy and gorgeous etc etc and you don't believe what you say, it doesn't feel right and just ends up making you feel worse. But if you say I am in the process of... losing weight, looking good, etc, that is true and it spurs you on. We are in the process of getting our lives how we want them, so have a think about where you want to be and find some baby steps to take you in the right direction. A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step etc.

I am in the process of losing weight, being rich and meeting the one, so I am off to think about something healthy for my next meal, put some coins in the piggy and choose which clothes to wear should I suddenly (and inexplicably:D) be asked out on a date.

Hope you are feeling better and taking care of yourself xxxx

Hollyberry

Hi my lovely Shoobeedoo, and I am sorry that you have had such a carp week. :A

Work can be such a pain when the only changes that will affect your workload are the ones you don't want to make because they remove the interesting parts of the role. I know you work long hours anyway, so extra pressure on top must be very difficult. You have probably pondered any possible solutions long and hard, so I won't even try to think of any creative answers. The only thing that ever made a big difference for me was spending some time working from home, so I could get on with some things uninterrupted and get them done in half the time. Is there any chance of that being possible/suitable for you, particularly to avoid what I seem to remember is a fairly long commute?

I think you need to be kinder to yourself about food/shopping/goddess maintenance when you are doing extra hours at work. I know that it's not always good for the bank balance or the posterior, but there are occasions when needs must, and a takeaway is just the right thing. Is there any chance of you stocking up the freezer with some more healthy "pingage" as it is known in this house, meaning that it is easy to come home to something more interesting and virtually instantaneous?

I am so sorry that you are feeling old, fat and unattractive, because when you feel that way it can be very hard to dismiss the thought, no matter how goddess-like the evidence of the mirror may be. And you are such a sparkly person, I am sad you are being so hard on yourself. If you feel old, remember I've got three years on you, and I still reckon I have a fair bit of twentysomething left in me...;)

I like to think of a crush as being an apprenticeship for getting back on the horse that threw me - it is starting to say that I am ready for a relationship, and I am testing out what that might feel like. So I would say enjoy it, and if he doesn't have the good sense to reciprocate, :rolleyes: then at least let it get you back into thinking you may be ready for someone else.

Venting is great, but please promise me you don't think attractive men are completely off the menu....;) There is absolutely nothing for you to be ashamed of: you are witty, fabulous, caring, the key practitioner of goddess-like maintenance, still happy to go clubbing, you work darned hard, and you have probably got the best shoe collection in Manchester. :cool: So what's not to like, eh?

Take care of yourself, and let's hear the plan. x

Shoe_Gal

Thanks Sarah and Holly for your kindness, and encouragement

Ok, have calmed down/cheered up a bit now, so here's the plan!

2 weeks gut busting

Ok, 2 weeks today I have a dinner and I'm going to be thinner! Gonna do SlimFast for 2 weeks (justifying putting 2 weeks supply on my Barclaycard tomorrow!) The aim is 6lbs in 2 weeks - and I can do it! Also going to do 4 exercise sessions a week

Back on the Goddess Plan

Nails, pedicure, fake tan, sunbed - the lot. It definately made me feel better and I going back to it

There is more to life than work!

I need to keep remembering this! I will continue to work hard and do the best I can, and I know that will mean long hours but I have to look after myself!

I don't really have any money until payday so that sorts the spending out my default! I didn't want to have to dip back into the overdraft that I paid off last month but it looks like I will have to! The really annoying thing is I haven't really got anything to show for my 'comfort' spending - except a bigger gut :mad:

sarahb123_3

Shoe Gal, Hollyberry has put it so much better than me, I agree with everything she has said, I wish I could be more eloquent, rather than putting down the first thing that comes into my head. Working from home sounds like a brilliant solution if it is at all feasible and if you are busy and tired and don't feel like cooking then a takeaway probably the best thing.

Could you take some snack things like fruit and nuts and put them in your desk to keep you going during the day, take enough for the week on Monday so you don't have to think about it again and there is always something healthy and yummy to hand?

Think of how well you have done so far, you have cleared your card and made inroads into your od, it's only natural to falter a bit on the way. You will get there.:j You have made a great start there and it only goes to show when you put your mind to it you get things done. :j

You are not old, fat or unattractive, so stop thinking that at once. It won't make you feel any better and it's not true. You are fabulous, kind, goddess like, thoughtful, funny, generous with your time and you always say the right thing and know how to make someone feel better.

So, do you have a "Shoe Gal plan" yet? We want to hear it xxxxx

edit: you beat me to it Glad you are feeling better. xxx

Shoe_Gal

Hi

I would love to work from home but it's just not practical, so a non-starter I'm afraid :mad:

Thanks for all the support, sometimes I get so down I just can't see the bigger picture!

The money side of things does get me down and I'm really mad that I will ahve put about £200 back on my Barclaycard! I will pay it off but it will mean using the money I have saved towards my overdraft :mad: The good news is that the bank have renewed my overdraft for another 12 months, I thought they might not. I am considering using the money I have saved to pay off my Barcalycard and then actuallly asking the bank to reduce my overdraft bu £100 per month so I have to pay it off and not keep running it up again. Does anybody know if the bank would do this - or am I better keeping the credit available for emergencies?

Shoe_Gal

Also 'crush man' is away for 10 days from Wednesday so there might just be a touch of the 'see what you could've had' in the Mission :rotfl::rotfl:

sarahb123_3

Shoe_Gal wrote: »

I am considering using the money I have saved to pay off my Barcalycard and then actuallly asking the bank to reduce my overdraft bu £100 per month so I have to pay it off and not keep running it up again. Does anybody know if the bank would do this - or am I better keeping the credit available for emergencies?

I have reduced my overdraft like that, but I don't know if they do it automatically, I just rang them every time I wanted to reduce it, so you could just give them a ring once a month to lower it by £100.

I know what you mean about having credit for emergencies, but I would probably keep lowering the od and keep a credit card for emergencies.

sarahb123_3

Shoe_Gal wrote: »

Also 'crush man' is away for 10 days from Wednesday so there might just be a touch of the 'see what you could've had' in the Mission :rotfl::rotfl:

Now that's more like it :T:T:T:T