Older children paying keep

nadnad

tiamaria wrote: »

I only get family allowance for the 16yr old , he actually pays me £20,maybe thats a bit harsh but I've been trying to treat them the same all along or they'd pick up on that too esp as he is earning more than the middle one who pays £25. I brought them up knowing that they had to contribute to the household when they had jobs,didn't really think about the FA. However he will get a 1.5k cheque on his 18th like the rest did so most he will get back really.

Thanks for all the opinions, i don't feel quite as guilty about the eldest one, now I feel guilty about charging the young one instead! sigh:o

aah dont feel guilty if the youngest one is paying you without complaint then he must be a good un! i didnt pay my mum keep but I did work from i was 14 and bought all my clothes and paid for all my trips out etc It seemed like a lot but then you're basically keeping it for him and giving it back for 18th birthday and thats a nice thing to do!

sparrer

When I was at home the arrangement was 25% of wages if we brought home less that £100 a week, 33% if it was above that. I applied the same principle when my children started work (but raised the limit to £700, how times change) and it's never caused any problems. Atm my DS is at home on a temp basis working on a local contract so it makes sense for him not to get lodgings, (even if I do have to sleep in the comp room :rolleyes: ) and he offered me what he knew was right before we even discussed it.

When we were at school our Saturday job money was ours but we had to buy our own stockings (that dates me)/make-up etc. The same went for my children when they had p/t jobs while still at school.

I firmly believe these things should be discussed well before a child starts their first job, then there are no surprises or disagreements. Can't remember how it goes exactly but someone on MSE boards has a footnote, something like 'Teenagers why not leave home, pays your own way etc, while you still know it all?' So true!

tiamaria

no, i dont think eldest pays much at gf's, they buy food together & shared cost of a tv but not much else

theyre all pretty good at paying rent, have to be reminded but dont actually object to the principle.

it's quite tricky really, trying to be fair without being a pushover or too hard but I do feel it's important that they realise that everyone has to pay their way in life.

Mini_Bear

Im a triplet and while my sister and i were in full time education (at uni til 21) we did not pay our parents rent (they saw it as counterproductive to education). My brother worked from 18 and pays £200/month rent to my parents. The system worked for us and if we stay at home for any length of time we kno we get a bargain!
My boyfriend got charged rent by his parents from 16 (when he got his first part time job - and was still at school) and much preferred my parents system. He quit education and moved out of his parents house because he was annoyed with paying rent to them. Hes done well in life thankfully but regrets not going to uni and sees his parents rent as a deciding factor at 18!
Back to the topic in hand, your 22 year old is gettin a bargain, he needs to realise that renting privately would cost him a lot more with bills on top!

tiamaria

Ah well the eldest has finished uni & the middle one is on yr 2 of his uni course though living at home so thankfully it hasn't been a deciding factor for them;)

pops68

Our son who is nearly 19 is working full time, getting approx £900 - £1000 pcm after tax and has refused to pay us anything for the last 8 months. (He is constantly moaning that he has no money!) The agreed amount of rent was £50 p.w. all inclusive (which we thought was reasonable). He sleeps til 2pm on his day off, does absolutely nothing at all in the house, his behaviour is awful, he is rude, vindictive and selfish. He often comes in at 2 or 3am waking us all and thinks that we and the rest of the world owe him a living. Oh, and he refuses to leave (I think he quite literally wants to be 'thrown out' as he thinks it will make us look bad!!)

Charging teenagers rent is definitely the right way to go. (Depending on their income). They have to learn to grow up and stand on their own two feet.

Any ideas on how to encourage him to leave before things get any worse?

lcharm

Offer to pay rent for him for a few months in a cheap skanky flat in a really dodgy part of town and he'll probably jump at the chance then within time he'll come running home begging to come back to which you give him an ultimatum to pay rent!!

xxlaurissaxx

pops68 wrote: »

Our son who is nearly 19 is working full time, getting approx £900 - £1000 pcm after tax and has refused to pay us anything for the last 8 months. (He is constantly moaning that he has no money!) The agreed amount of rent was £50 p.w. all inclusive (which we thought was reasonable). He sleeps til 2pm on his day off, does absolutely nothing at all in the house, his behaviour is awful, he is rude, vindictive and selfish. He often comes in at 2 or 3am waking us all and thinks that we and the rest of the world owe him a living. Oh, and he refuses to leave (I think he quite literally wants to be 'thrown out' as he thinks it will make us look bad!!)

Charging teenagers rent is definitely the right way to go. (Depending on their income). They have to learn to grow up and stand on their own two feet.

Any ideas on how to encourage him to leave before things get any worse?

That sounds exactly like my little brother. Hes constantly skint yet earns nearly £200 p.w and all my mum asks for is £25???? I dont think my mum ever sees it, or they money he borrows from her back. :mad: They argue about it all the time.

Mini_Bear

oh pops68 ur in a difficult situation. i agree with lcharm tho. My mothers mantra (its etched in our brains) is the constant nagging and being told "stop treating this house like a hotel".
i would try to instil some MSE sense in2 ur son and get him to write down a budget of his monthly outgoings. if he shows u all his money goes on booze and clothes u tell him hes now an adult and needs to factor in things like rent and bills for the rest of his adult life. Shocking isnt it. U can use the current recession as a discussion point with ur son and ask him about his job security etc. Perhaps make a deal with him that in the event of him losin his job u will not charge him rent. Perhaps make a sort of contract/agreement all typed up on the pc, print two copies and u each sign them. stating basic house rules and the agreed amount of rent. i think unfortunately talkin is the main way of ironin it out. U could do the age old tactic of driving him sumwhere and bring it up as soon as u start moving the car = he cant escape! I do this with my step son. Very effective!
PS perhaps also show copies of all ur household bills and ask him whether its fair u should continue to fully pay them! If he realised u were spending hundreds a month on council tax, water and electricity he might feel a tad guilty?!

nightsky224

When I was at home I paid my mum 350 a month. because she was on various benefits the council decided it. They requested copies of my pay slips once a year and reduced the benefit/increased the amount she had to pay for rent etc. Not sure exactly how it worked out but she felt guilty about it at the time but I was working full time so why shouldn't I pay. I was alot more prepared for the cost of moving out by doing that.

I have a friend who lived at home until she was about 23 I think paying about 400pm (at the end but was less when she earnt less) but her parents kept 300pm aside for her and it paid the deposit on her 1st house. Fantastic idea