Cooking for other people phobia

Fozz

Just wanted to join in, as I feel the same! We very rarely have anyone round for food anyway, but if any of my DD's friends come round, I'm always worried about whether I should feed them, and am always relieved if they go home to eat! Even making cups of tea etc for anyone working in the house makes me nervous, I can't relax while they are there.
I think with me it does stem from social problems, I hate going to the works Xmas do etc, and don't socialise easily at all. As a previous poster said, feeding someone is quite "intimate", and although I love cooking for the family, can only cook for one friend and her family and used to cook OK for my MIL.
It does seem to be a more common problem than people realise, it's such a relief to find I'm not the only one - perhaps we'll have to start "Entertaining Phobics Anonymous!"

Jet

Just found this thread and wanted to say I'm the same.

I've found myself a lovely boyfriend who has a huge family and they all seem to do the entertaining. I've cooked twice for his parents now but can't seem to have the confidence to cook for more than that.

It's fear that they won't like the food and will talk about me behind my back, I think.

Anyway, I'm having my friend, her husband and her 3 kids over on Saturday along with boyfriend, his 4 kids and my 1 son.

Because it's my friend, I don't feel quite as pressured but cooking for 12 people is a pretty terrifying thought for me! :eek:

tattoed_bum

i'm another one here who panics at the thought of cooking for family ,yet i worked in nursing homes for years as the cook ,i could easily cook breakfast lunch ,and evening meal for 240 people on a daily basis ,
yet to cook a roast for the in laws puts me into a complete panic ,
i cant even say it's because of different kitchen equipment as i have an 6 burner industrial cooker in my kitchen and all the mixers and everything .
i think it's because the in laws are very judgemental and even down to making gravy has to be done a certain way or they wont eat it .
as for timing i just think bu**er it if it's not ready on time then they can have another drink and wait .
dh has volunteered me to do easter dinner for 14 of us and i'm in a state already lol

dronid

Hi there. I thought I'd bump this up and see how we're all doing? And if there's anyone else out there with a cookery/social phobia, this is a place for you!:D

d-seven

Ultimately, the issue here isnt the cooking, but the phobia..It's causing you a problem with your life, so please see a doctor..and tell them how much it is affecting you. I have had social anxiety for as long as I can remember and it took me a long time to realise that it IS a medical condition and a doctor SHOULD do something for you, even if it is referring you to a counsillor or a shrink (which is nothing to be ashamed of). They may even give you SSRI anti depressants as these have been known to help in cases of phobias and OCD's.
Doctors aren't perfect and you may get told that it isn't an issue, but you just got to keep pushing with it.. its hard work I'm afraid
I took myself off the medication after being on different types for years and it wasn't helping, but for some people councelling is good. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is another thing to try.

Good luck

Patchwork_Quilt

I'm not sure I enjoy cooking for large numbers but we're quite a sociable family so there's always someone at the table.

I've found that the best thing to do is one of the same two or three meals that work well when there's only the family to eat ie chilli in the slow cooker, curry with a ready made sauce from the slow cooker, roast chicken dinner. I do a green salad for veg which is ready prepared and either rice, rolls or baked potatoes, which can't go wrong. Fruit salad is good for pud - two types of melon and some red grapes - with cream or greek yoghurt. As you can see, there's not much actual cooking and no last-minute worries.

Perhaps the other thing to do is to ask someone else to contribute a course to the meal rather than bring wine

The thing to remember is that people don't come round to criticise your cooking. They want to see you. If they get jacket potato and tuna mayo it's still ok. One of the tips from the More for Less book is to serve the exact same meal to everyone that comes.

Trinny

sumo52 wrote: »

Hello, this is my first post and I hope some of you very wise people can help me. I've got a terrible phobia which has made me seem deceitful and unfriendly but it's one I must conquer. The problem is cooking for other people. It makes me feel ill at the very thought of it and I've managed not to cook for people other than my husband and children in thirty-five years of marriage, but now it's becoming very difficult as I'm acquiring in-laws etc. and I'm now feeling depressed about all the excuses I'm coming out with. Can anyone help? Sorry if this is in the wrong location. Thank you.

Hi Sumo

We do a thing called a supper club - with our friends. It sounds scary but the idea might help you. I am a carp cook - the only reason i am improving is that i have a very long suffering and encouraging OH who gamely eats everything i make.

The supper club means that you invite three couples - one brings the starter ( enough for everyone) the other brings the pudding ( enough for everyone) then that leaves you with the main which could be something simple like savoury mince or shepherds pie or something that you normally make for the family.

The idea is that you then each take turns to be host and do the main course - with the other couples providing the starter and pudding.

It takes the pressure off the cook and means that you get to make one thing at a time.

When my inlaws come over from spain - they get simple hearty food - casserole made with a packet mix ( i know - not exactly HM) some HM soup with fresh bread - made earlier and reheated, or shepherds pie etc. Another strategy is to cook in advance, fill the freezer and basically reheat or warm up previously made dishes.

the most important part of the evening is the hospitality - the food comes second - so dont put yourself under pressure.

Finally - sorry this is a long post - does your OH cook? Mine does and sometimes i leave it to him.

Good Luck

Trin x

irishwexford

I would rather clean public toilets with a toothbrush than cook for other people. its not a phobia just panic. I start off well then loose the plot. In my first marriage I had two sister-in-laws who are very good cooks so when they came to mine I bought everything from M & S. I used to be a local government officer running two offices, budgets, hiring and training staff with full confidence but as soon as I came home I fell apart. I just do not like cooking although I do cook everything from scratch and have no problem if its just oh and daughters and grandchildren. I now have stepchildren and when they come to stay its a takeaway. We are all good at something but it does not have to be cooking for others so best not to beat yourself up about it. M & S are just around the corner.

oystercatcher

Trinny wrote: »

Hi Sumo

We do a thing called a supper club - with our friends. It sounds scary but the idea might help you. I am a carp cook - the only reason i am improving is that i have a very long suffering and encouraging OH who gamely eats everything i make.

The supper club means that you invite three couples - one brings the starter ( enough for everyone) the other brings the pudding ( enough for everyone) then that leaves you with the main which could be something simple like savoury mince or shepherds pie or something that you normally make for the family.

The idea is that you then each take turns to be host and do the main course - with the other couples providing the starter and pudding.

It takes the pressure off the cook and means that you get to make one thing at a time.

Trin x

This sounds like an idea from hell for a social phobic.
It's like an aracnophobic holdng a spider party, everyone bring their own!!