Cooking for other people phobia

sumo52

Hello, this is my first post and I hope some of you very wise people can help me. I've got a terrible phobia which has made me seem deceitful and unfriendly but it's one I must conquer. The problem is cooking for other people. It makes me feel ill at the very thought of it and I've managed not to cook for people other than my husband and children in thirty-five years of marriage, but now it's becoming very difficult as I'm acquiring in-laws etc. and I'm now feeling depressed about all the excuses I'm coming out with. Can anyone help? Sorry if this is in the wrong location. Thank you.

Bogof_Babe

Welcome to MSE .

Which aspect of "cooking" do you find so scary? Is it the actually cookery or worry about having the table laid properly, everything ready on time etc?

If the former, there are loads of dishes you can make in advance and just reheat when your guests arrive, so I would concentrate on making a list of those then start in a small way with a simple lunch invitation.

floyd

Hi Sumo,
Sorry to hear about your phobia, its sometimes very hard for people to understand how debilitating they can be (I am emetophobic).
To help us understand a little more about the sppecifics of your phobia can you identify certain things:
1) Are you scared of making people ill?
2) Are you scared of people seeing you cooking and not thinking you are doing it 'properly'?
3) Are you scared of hurting yourself while doing the cooking?

If you can help us understand what triggers your feelings we may be able to offer solutions or small steps to help

sumo52

Thank you so much for replying. It's absolutely everything. It really is a phobia and not just being nervous. Don't know where to start really but I'm really hoping I can get some help as the excuses regarding Christmas are getting worse each year. My son lives abroad and he and his girlfriend are coming over in March and I can't tell you how bad I feel about this.

floyd

How do you feel when cooking for your husband and children? How would you feel about giving leftovers of a meal you had cooked for your family to someone else?

Bogof_Babe

So you are saying that you could cook a poached egg on toast for your family but would panic at the thought of doing one for anyone else?

Have you ever had a bad experience with cooking for someone? Sorry, I can't quite work out exactly where the stumbling block is.

Serious suggestion - have you thought about having a hypnotherapy session? I'm sure that would get to the bottom of things and conquer your fears, if you go to a reputable one.

sumo52

Hello floyd, I'm not sure exactly what is wrong, I just know how I feel. It's probably something to do with me not being very confident about very much, but this is one aspect of my life which I really need to sort out and wondered if anyone out there knows of anything which could help. Thank you.

champys

sumo - my mother used to be like this, despite the fact that she was a great cook. Her best bet was always to do 'buffet-style' when she received relatives (non-relatives were not even considered!). It could be a pot of soup and a big plate of sandwiches, plus a cake or pudding for afters all placed on the table for people to help themselves. Or, more elaborate, a 'cold buffet' with sliced cold roast, pickles, salads etc. It is a good way of getting into feeding other people. Guests like it, too!
I love entertaining and cooking for others - but I still do my Mum's buffets sometimes, for brunches, tea parties, New Year's Eve, etc.
Think about it, and do give it a try some time. You can prep it all in advance, lay it out on the table, and your guests will do the rest themselves. None of the tension you may have all sitting around the dining table!

sumo52

I'm sorry if all this is not coming across properly. Floyd has me about cooking for my husband and children, never really good really. The thing about giving leftovers to someone else? Never in a million years. Someone else mentioned hypnotherapy. I would do this if I thought it would help. Perhaps I need some kindly person to take me under their wing?

sumo52

Thank you champys. Your mum sounds just like me and even though I do try these things I still never seem to get it right. I know I'm sounding quite pathetic now, so I'm going to bed, but thank you all so much for your kindness. Perhaps I'll get the hang of this forum soon too!

hflower74

Can i just say i know how bad panic feels and the need to hide a phobia from other people (dont know why we just cant be honest about it would probably make things alot easier on ourselves) but as most phobias need to be dealt with a little at a time ie making toast for someone other than your close family and building up in little steps which will take a longish time and with you expecting your son and his girlfriend do you think you could maybe cook meals in advance and freeze and then you only have to reheat them when people are there or would that be to difficult too?