Cooking for other people phobia

mrcow

Personally in your position if you were having someone over I would either:

1. Get take out from a local Italian or Indian and dish it up
2. Buy something pre-done that just gets heated up
3. Ask my husband to do the cooking

Baby steps and all that. Would any of the above be an option for you?

mardatha

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've been married 43 yrs and I'm just the same. I make sandwiches & get the daughters in law etc to help!
I know the reason with me is that I hate cooking and I can't do it to save my life.

OnceUponADream

Sumo - I only started cooking for in-laws in the past 4 years before that my mum lifted and laid me.

Sorry if I missed abit in your post but can your mum not come over and give you some advice. I know when I cooked for my out-laws (sorry in-laws :rotfl: ) I always phone my mum if I'm unsure and she helps me pull it off.

hflower74

You'll probably find some more help on this forum

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/forum.php

Wonder_Girl

I think Champys idea sounds best so far

Stuff you could just make well in advance and put in the fridge, then your hubby could take them out for you, would that ease the fear at all.

Could you get your Husband and kids to play at being Guests? a bit of role play never hurts:rolleyes:

Still trying to get to the bottom of the trigger, do you have issues with people visiting your home at all? when guests are at your house do you make then cups of tea and offer biccys etc?

If it's any reassurance at all, my MIL is the worst cook in the world, everything she cooks tastes like burnt or flour, and we still go back we love her and it's her company that counts, and if it's going to make you feel happy there is nothing wrong with a take away

good luck
WG x

clutterydrawer

Do you have a close friend you could talk to about this...if so could you maybe use her as a guinea pig, eg have her round one day and make her a sandwich....then next time make her something simple like a baked potato....and work up from there. I'm not saying it wouldn't be scary but maybe it would help you get started.

i won't try and talk you out of it logically because my experience of phobias is that theyre completely irrational....but maybe some cognitive therapy or similar would help if its really getting you down?

Best of luck with whatever solution you pursue

Buddingblonde

You seem to be struggling to explain what your phobia actually entails - it is useful to try and work out where the phobia comes from (bad experiences, lack of confidence cooking). For example I know that my phobia of spiders is inherited from my mother who I saw overreact to spiders when I was small.

Like any phobia you need to break it down it to small parts and work out little by little what you can do - finding a comfort zone to start with.

Can you prepare vegatables, peel potatoes etc for a meal? If so, do the prep and get others to cook it.

Can you do heating rather than cooking e.g. buying a steak pie and a bag of roast potatoes and some tins of peas - this really isnt cooking rather you are heating food that has already been made

What about no cooking at all? Could you just plate up cold items that you have bought eg quiche, cold meats, salad, crusty bread. This involved no cooking and doesnt even need to be done in the kitchen.

If all else fails and you feel that you cannot handle any food at all then get a takeaway or get the others in the family to cook.

Peartree

Why put yourself through it. People will probably thing you are incredibly generous if they come to you and get food you've bought pre-prepared. Can you afford to buy it all pre-prepared? Can you afford caterers? If so, just do it. Spend your time making everything else really nice and making your guests welcome! Forget about the food, it is only a small part of the whole entertaining experience.

Goodness knows, we've all been to homes where the food is all home made but the welcome is a bit lacking because the hostess was so hot and frazzled.

Maybe next time people come round, buy everything in but make one little dish and stick it at the corner of the buffet. Maybe just grill a few cocktail sausages or something. See what happens and work up from there.

But, honestly, it is no big deal - entertaining is stressful enough for goodness sake! Work on the other aspects of welcoming people into your home. A new in law will remember your warm welcome not your home made sausage rolls! You can always put the pre-prepared food in your own dishes and not admit it!

LameWolf

Sumo, I don't have any helpful advice, but I can empathise. I'm just the same. I've been married (for the 2nd time) for just over 5 years, and I still get jittery about cooking for my husband! Guests for food are simply not an option.

I do know something of why I'm like this though - my mother spent my entire childhood convincing me I was "no use to man nor beast" (I haven't seen or spoken with her in 7 years, btw) and also I'm a strict vegetarian - I cannot bring myself to even touch meat or fish to prepare for my husband. (Luckily for me, he's happy to eat veggie at home).

Hey, I even panic if I have to make the gas engineers (a lovely husband-and-wife team we've been using for years) a cup of coffee! I get my husband to do it..... That said, I'm not safe with sharp knives or full kettles, as my hands are not exactly co-operative these days (lupus).

I have to say, hypnotherapy etc are not for me - I don't trust therapists (had too many bad ones over the years), and I certainly wouldn't allow anyone to hypnotise me.

Anyway, I just wanted to offer a friendly word; I was amazed how many other folks are affected by this to a greater or lesser degree - I'll watch this thread with interest for helpful ideas.

sumo52

Thank you all so much for your replies. It's good to know I'm not the only person in the world with this phobia. I think the problem may well come from low self-esteem which is something that at my age (57) would be difficult to overcome. I'll try some of the tips outlined and hope I can somehow enjoy my son and his girlfriend's visit, that's if I don't have a nervous breakdown before they get here.