**Daily Chat Thread Mon 21 Dec 08**

(Land_of)_Maz

bunny...? oh dear what hun?

Bunnyinthelights

What would one have to do to make it up to oneself Lenneth?

Dare I ask?

System

Bunnyinthelights wrote: »

What would one have to do to make it up to oneself Lenneth?

Dare I ask?

PM me

Lucifa73

(Land_of)_Maz wrote: »

so we are spoilt by too many choices and percieved freedoms and that makes us less grateful for what we have...?

That's how i interpret that?

I'm not sure I would say 'less grateful' so much as less able to appreciate because we are constantly second guessing ourselves... And not just in respect of relationships, also in respect of work, family and self image.

Buffythedebtslayer

(Land_of)_Maz wrote: »

so we are spoilt by too many choices and percieved freedoms and that makes us less grateful for what we have...?

That's how i interpret that?

I don't know if we are less grateful. I just think it makes us more insecure?

Some sociologist was on the radio, he suggested that as humans are pack animals we check ourselves against our peers constantly and so if we come off differently against them we percieve ourselves as less? it takes a strong type of person to follow their own route? so his example was the gay guy in a strict family(who were homophobic). even tho everyone/thing about his life told him to be one way he was the other way and followed that?

Now we have so many choices we can't tell what is "better" for example, is it better to be married or live to together? is it better to be single or in a relationship, two parents/one parents. its all personal choice and nothing is ever "wrong" or less desirable?

so now we have no big over arching authority (church/state) telling us what is right and wrong, giving us a frame work or a point of reference to work with or against, society is confused about its identity and individuals don't "know their place" so to speak.

Obviously that is a rabid generalisation! but that last sentence was getting too long! but as pack animals the theory goes we need boundaries and limits to work with or against to know were you are.

Listening to him I thought that it filtered down to lot of aspects of my life?

the insecurity and conviction that I am unattractive. ie all my friends are married and I am not. the only other person who isn't married/ in a relationship is some one I think is personally unattractive ere go I must be unattractive too! its a bit simplistic but it makes sense to me a bit.

So yes I do think more choice can equal more confusion. I am grafeful tho that I am not like the victorian women who got put in Insane asylums cos their husbands wanted to marry some one else!

Blimey I do go on don't I!:o

sammy115

am at work and people can see so ssshhhh

Bunny, i think it has a lot to do with sex, if your not getting any/much/enough it plays havoc with your self esteem - hence break up with first husband...

Fortunately I have an OH who doesn't care what i look like but would not stop wanting sex....however, I have the opposite problem...I just want a cuddle most of the time and the feeling that I am wanted for me rather than my !!!!!!! (IYSWIM).

I spent ten years doing the pushing away bit but kind of got over it.

It does help knowing that I wouldn't want another man - ever!

System

A man must spread his seed; thats not sexist, its nature!

immoral_angeluk

I blame everything on hormones.
Women are ruled by hormones... men are ruled by their c*cks. It makes for a messy combination.

System

Sar, i think you are right, its no ones fault, its the way we are designed.

Lucifa73

Bottom line for me - relying on people and events you have no control over to make me happy in myself is the surest way to self destruction. Finding the ability to believe in myself and create my own happy times has allowed me to let someone else into my life to share those good times without using them to prop up my self esteem. Yes, Hubbles helps me through hard times because he loves me but I am confident in the knowledge I would get through without him around if I had to. I'm just very lucky that I don't need to cope alone.