Depression Support Thread

LadyMorticia

Sssssss wrote: »

hey the rest of you is not too shabby either I've only been around here a week or so and already judging by your posts you seem like a real nice person.

Sorry to hear you'll be on your own on xmas day, but hey it's only one day and it's all hype anyway.

Aw. Thank you. You're such a sweetheart.
:grouphug:

Same backatcha. You seem like a lovely person.

That is true, and thankfully for the first time in years I won't be alone for New Year. :T So it's not all bad.

LadyMorticia

Haii guys! :wave:

I seem to have acquired a Sam. :rotfl:
Haha. Just kidding. He's being so lovely to me.....why, I ask myself, why! :rotfl:
Ah, wouldn't change him for the world.

The other day he said he's in love with me! :A I'm glad he said it first. There was no way I was going to. :rotfl:

Going to his on 30th December until 3rd January. I am extremely nervous but his mum and dad invited me, so I'm guessing that's a good omen :rotfl: and I'll get to spend time with my lovely Sam so it's all good.

Next year better be better than this year. Sam said he's going to do everything within his power to make sure it is. :rotfl: Bless him!

Anyway, enough lovey dovey stuff.
Seeing Janette on Xmas Eve as she wants to see me to make sure I'm okay etc.:p
She and Sam are also making me go to the doctor about something.:o
Fun fun!:rolleyes:

I hope you're al okay.

Love and stuff.
xx

brenda_p_a

razorbladekisses wrote: »

Hello, thanks for the supportive posts. It means a lot to me Hope everyone is OK this evening. (((HUGS))) to all xxx

Tulip I hope you enjoyed your Will Young concert. Can't wait to hear all about it.

You know RBK that is what this thread is here for and hugs and support is what it does best and is the best way to help any of us,hope your feeling better,hugs to you and everyone else who needs one

Horasio

This time of year really raises issues

Pressure to feel festive otherwise I get a row. My OH is being great but I feel so exhausted, got a cold and it really drains me. We have looked after our son after his op and resting so we can get thro Christmas. Got a 6 person dinner at our sons. Taking stuff over and doing last minute shopping Tuesday. Seeing my OH family on Friday. I am scared I am not going to have energy for it all by the end of the week.

In the new year we are going to have really knuckle down to getting our business to be more profitable. That is fine. I do feel under so much more pressure being near my mother to be there for her, be a good wife, mother and help in the business. When I feel upbeat, she is great but she does shh me a lot, yet if I am feeling less energetic she has a go at me. I can't win and as I am feeling worried about how I will feel when it matters this week.

I have felt pretty tired for a week now and feel I won't be well enough to cope this week. They (apart from my OH) aren't very nice to me on top, which is piling on the pressure.

I feel like running away and spending Christmas alone tbh!

It was nice not being under this pressure living so far away last year.

beachbeth

CCStar wrote: »

I am scared I am not going to have energy for it all by the end of the week.

I know how this feels. You feel defeated before you even start. I think the best way is to take it day by day and not to think further ahead than that. Think "Ive got to do x, y and z today" and plan so that x, y and z are done as easily as possible.

I frequently get quite tearful at Christmas trying to be the perfect mum/daughter/host/friend to everyone and its too much pressure. For the last few Christmases I have developed a pain in my chest which makes it hurt when I breath. I know its stress and it will go but its not very nice.

I wanted to ask my mum, dad, my brother and his wife to dinner or tea the Sunday after Christmas but can't bring myself to do it. If I am feeling stressed by the time I reach that weekend I will really regret asking people round, even though hubby is a great help. So instead Im taking it bit by bit and trying my best to enjoy the festivities and not get wound up. If Im ok by the Saturday then I will ask them then. Not easy though to stop yourself stressing though.

Hugs for you. I hope you get through the season intact.((()))

absolutebounder

beachbeth wrote: »

I frequently get quite tearful at Christmas trying to be the perfect mum/daughter/host/friend to everyone and its too much pressure. For the last few Christmases I have developed a pain in my chest which makes it hurt when I breath. I know its stress and it will go but its not very nice.

Try not to focus on the outcome (end result) but focus on the individual components. ie try and make the best mince pies, roast turkey xmas pud etc that way you will get the end result of being the perfect host. if you focus on the end result and something goes wrong you are left with facing losing it all but if you have a !!!! up with just a little component you still have the rest. Its what great sportsmen do. Instead of focusing on winning (outcome) they focus on playing better shots and so winning then can follow but they dont lose it all if they lose because they have played their best shots.

Tiff_2

Hi rbk!

Hey there sweetheart - how are you?

Now we've known each other on this board from Thread Home No.1 and you're not the sort of person who creates a fuss on the thread. So I want to say thank you for opening

up and sharing what you're going through, hunnie. I hope you will take the time to note that so many here care about you angel and are here to support you. Please don't feel as if you're alone, rbk.

rbk wrote:

I'm not doing that well atm. My Mum walked out on my Dad AGAIN! for some man she's met. She did this a few years ago, with another man. It has been really upsetting for all of us. She's been causing problems since she left by sending nasty text messages. She told me that I have no life and that she can't understand why I'm not like everyone else. Also she told me in a text message that my Dad has cancer She's become such a horrible woman. I don't even like referring to her as my Mum anymore because it doesn't feel like she is, she doesn't care about us anymore. I know I know I'm an adult (24), but you don't stop needing your parents do you? I feel like I'm in a state of mourning. As strange as it sounds my only real comfort is SH.

I'm so sorry for what's happened to you and your family angel. There's nothing even a Tiff can say that will take away this awful situation for you, hun - though I wish there were. It feels even crueller at this time of year, though there's never a right time. I don't know your mother rbk, but out of respect for you, I will try to limit expressing my feelings on her behaviour. Having said that, to send you a text to tell you your Dad has cancer is beyond callous.

What I think is important to remember here hunnie, is that in my humble opinion - and no disrespect intended - your mother obviously has problems of her own. People only usually lash out like this in fear, anger or great pain. I can't explain her behaviour and I don't know all the circumstances hunnie but maybe in a funny kind of way, that's not so important. It allows me to see things objectively, although there have been a few Tiffy tears over what you're going through. I am also incredibly Tiffed off! For what it's worth rbk, here's my tuppence worth...;)

So now sweetie, it falls then to damage limitation.

It's even harder when it's somebody important in your life, I know, but if this were anyone else doing this to you, the advice you'd receive is to remove that person from your life and to cease all contact. And maybe that's still the kindest advice I can give you hunnie. You wouldn't keep taking something that was harming you and maybe it's best for you all not to indulge this abuse any further and let your mother sort her own problems alone.
I hope you will recognize angel, that she is actually abusing you. And whether you're a child or an adult, the pain is no less, especially when it comes from a parent and especially when she knows that you are vulnerable sometimes.

She may not understand your issues hunnie, or the sh, but that doesn't excuse her. I agree that you're not like everyone else rbk, (and nor should you try to be), in that you have an ability to feel emotional pain of your own and are able to empathise with that of others. You're bright and considerate and warm and you've been a blessing on this thread. But more than that, inspite of everything, you're a survivor, you haven't given up and you're still fighting - and that takes courage.

I'm almost prompted to say that from the sound of things, her version of normal isn't worth aspiring to, if this is what it does to other people.
And with regards to not having a life, maybe she should be asking how much of that is her fault? Don't let her push you into hurting yourself angel - you've shown before that you can be stronger than that.
Please try and avoid the sh, rbk - you know how badly you'll feel after it. If you are struggling to resist, please contact your professionals for help sweetheart. I can empathise with what you mean about it being a comfort to you but that's only because you're familiar with it - it is no friend to you.

You took the words right out of my mouth hun - you are in a state of mourning and it is completely natural. You must feel that you've lost your mum with her behaving this way. And you're bound to be grieving not only for the emotional loss of your mother's love but also the grief over not receiving it to begin with and also for the way the family's relationships are changing.

I didn't post much at the beginning - mid December as it's my own worst time of the year. I lost my Dad on 2nd December, three years ago and I know there's no pain like that. I miss him so much. But what was even harder to accept was the fact that right up until 3 years before he died, Dad didn't treat me well or the way I wanted him to - and that broke my heart because I loved him so much. I was like a puppy at his feet, always waiting for his love and approval and jumping through hoops.

My Dad, God bless him, only ever told me 'I love you' about six or seven times in all of my 41 years that he was alive, and they were all in those last three years, the last time being as he was dying. But for that last three years, he changed and I came to realise that he had loved me all along, but in the only way he knew how to. And I felt so grateful for that, rbk. (Oh dear - sniffy Tiffy again!)

What I'm trying to say - rather badly! :rolleyes: - I guess is to grab a hold of all the positive times you've had with your mum, and your family, and don't allow her behaviour to take them from you. They belong to you, hunnie. At 41, I still needed my Dad - I still need him now. It's never about how old you are sweetie - it's about how you loved them.

And it's all very easy for me to say angel, but now is the time to be with your Dad and your family, and for you all to love each other and be close and treasure this.
If your mother can't be a part of that, it'll be because of her own choices and none of you are responsible for that.

You're going through a whole range of emotions at what is a very emotional time of year so you cry, rant and rave here as much as you need to hunnie. You have many friends here. Let your pain out with tears and words rbk and above all, be patient and kind with yourself - don't be pushed into damaging yourself. It'll all take time but you can get there.

And then angel, spend your time looking for every bit of love and happiness you can find around you because you do deserve it sweetie and it is there to be had.

I hope this made some sense to someone.:rolleyes:
I'm thinking of you angel.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Morning! hope all is well,I am fine today up early because my new boiler is being fitted and the man is coming at 8.30am,hardly slept last night after going to bed at 12am :eek: so after my christmas lunch with friends I will come home and when the man has left I will have a sleep to catch up on my lost sleep this morning.I will be ok though dont worry,RBK I had a great time seeing Will Young last Saturday evening,He sang Walking in a winter wonderland and he was sooo amazing.Also watched him on Alan Titchmarsh Show and he sang it again along with Grace at the end of the show.

Have a lovely day everyone so happy for you Anni

love and light,

Katie xxx

Sugar_Coated_Owl

AB, Thanks for your post. I am determined to make something of myself. Hopefully 2009 will be the year I achieve many of my goals.

Tiff, Thank you for taking the time to reply. I had a little cry when reading your post to me. I am going to print both yours and AB's post so that I can read them when I am feeling down. My Mum left nearly two months ago and I haven't really talked to anyone about it. It's a huge relief to have posted about it and for someone to comment on it. You talk so much sense Tiff, thank you

beachbeth

Lovely words to rbk, Tiff. I agree with what you say. People frequently have a warped way of seeing the world and how they think others should behave. They then get angry when people don't conform to this. You just have to live your life your way and if they don't like it then it is their problem. This is what I do with my mum. Its her problem not mine. Not easy though.

I woke up with my heart beating this morning because its Christmas week. Im looking forward to Christmas day its all the things you have to do in the run up. Mum rang this morning and said that my dad had gone off to the shop they own to help my brother out because it is mega busy (my dad owns the shop but is retired and my brother runs it). He had gone without taking the lunches my mum had prepared for them so she asked me if I would take them in. I just hope the car parks aren't packed in town. No room behind the shop once two of my brothers and my dad have parked there.

Sorry to witter on but I just don't want to go. I could do with going to the sports shop to get some new trainers but don't know if I will. Ive also got to ring a friend to arrange to go round and swap presents. Its all go! I just want to shut the door on the world and not go anywhere. It'll be nice seeing my friend again though and we can have a nice chat.