MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should the twins get the same value presents?

justruth

My 9 year old earns her present money each year by working hard at school. I agree a value with her for each grade she gets at school, (£5 for an E, £10 for a D and so on) then the amount of money she earns is what I am willing to spend on her gifts for Christmas and Birthday, and other day trips out. This year she did well and earned herself £230, she wanted an extra treat when we went out, so she paid for it. Last time when we were out window shoppng, she looked at shoes but came to the conclusion herself that she would much prefer not to spend that much when she didn't really need new ones, and brought headbands instead.

By doing this she understands the difference between what she wants and what she needs, she knows that she can only spend it once and likes to budget so it isn't all gone at once and I get to treat her to the things she really wants while keeping it within a set budget. She feels proud that she earned her treats and presents. She has everything she needs, so this really is just for the extra things she wants from time to time.

In the case of the twins, just keep an eye on the bigger picture, there is more than one time a year that kids cost money, and they share the same birthday!

5and1e

When my lads got to be 11 and 13, I set up a clothes account for each of them and put their child benefit into it, then if they wanted a pair of trainers costing £100 they could have them, BUT it was their choice.
When it comes to presents I always spend the same amount on them, mainly because the older one, when he was younger, costed up what he got against his brother. Strangely enough its the other way round now (they are 23 and 21!)

Morporkian

Mum rarely had much money when we were younger. She said she was always worried, come Christmas time, that she wouldnt have enough to buy things. She always did though. She set herself a limit for each child and has since told me this many times when we've been talking that it was £20 for birthdays and £50 each for Christmas. With 4 children, that was a budget of £200 for our presents alone.

Of course, when I was very young I didnt know the exact amount that was spent on each of us, but being the youngest I always wanted to be a little more special and so clocked on very early that if I asked for lots of smaller gifts, Id have more to open.
We made our lists every year in October (and still do!) so that she had time to plan and co-ordinate with family members on what to get us. It was made perfectly clear that just because the list was seven miles long, it in NO WAY meant we were going to get it all. If there was something we really did want above all else, it should be noted (I started organising mine from "most wanted" to "dont mind at all") so that if she could, she'd get Santa to get it for us

I think this was brilliant. A lot of people said here that having a limit means children will be "spoilt brats" and "greedy" or "expect everything they want". I disagree. We never did. We knew we'd get whatever could be afforded and if our lists had bigger/more expensive items then we'd get less overall.

As for this dilema, the twins element is irrelevant. Children do know if one has had more spent on them. I did at 9 and even younger (and Im now 23!). Setting a limit for YOURSELF and not telling the children what it is is a good compromise. Let them know that although they may want these items, it doesnt mean they'll get them. That it is always best to have "backup ideas" for their gifts and be happy with what they get - or they dont get anything! (I had that told to me a few times :P)
If, after christmas, they didnt get what they wanted, then they can always save for it. Using their pocket money - if they get it - or by doing small jobs for family or friends. That way their earn the things they want, rather than just expect to get them.

A friend of Mum's has 4 young children and their views are, "Well, you cant get a decent present for under £200!" ! *shakes head* They're not even really in a position to spend that much, but they do.

Keep within your limits, treat your children equally and hopefully they'll be happy with getting something else they like rather than something far too expensive for you! :P

nuttydee

I'd get a helmet and knee and elbow pads to go with the skates. This way both would have what they wanted and about the same amount of worry.
I try to treat all of my 5 children the same but I don't count down to the last pound. They've always been more than happy with what they get.

My ex mother in law used to spend exactly the same on the kids or put the differance in an envelope, right down to the last pence!!! I hated it.

chocaholic123

I have twins and definately yes, I couldn't spend more on one than the other, and it would probably start a big rollercoaster of "he/she had more than me" when they get older and realise the value of money. It just wouldn't be fair on the other would seem like favouring one more than the other.... :A

rojov

I really dont see that the money is important. They have both obviously been asked what they would like and have said so should both be equally happy for getting what they asked for regardless of monetary value. She picked those roller skates, they're the ones she likes it doesnt really matter that they cost less than her twins present.

Growing up my brother and I were lucky to be given the main present we asked for most years. It was very rare that the gifts were worth the same but that wasn't important. We were both thrilled on xmas day to get the one thing we really wanted and happy for eachother for whatever they got.

Last year my brother got a PS3 and I got a pair of boots, thats what we had both asked for!

What if one child wanted to take up dance classes, would the other have to take up a class costing the same because it wouldn't be fair to spend the tuition fees on one and not the other?

Grant_StClair-Armstrong

I really don't understand why there should be any dilemma or doubt. Of course they should get equal value and it should be made clear to them as well to prevent any arguments on Xmas day. Ask the twin who wants the roller skates what else she would like or give her £60 to spend after Xmas.

remembered_nights

If they have enough money, both should have the same amount spent on them. If not, both should have an equal lesser amount spent on them. I really doubt a kid would only want skates and nothing else... five minutes in front of the TV and she'll have 10 more things on her list

When we got older and started asking for more expensive presents, our parents were clear that even if one pile was bigger we each had the same amounts of money spent on us.

I have an equal budget for each of my family now even - I'd feel really mean if I spent less on one person, even though they wouldn't know!

crazychatter

I don't like that some people are saying that only greedy children notice if one child is getting a more expensive gift. I have two much older sisters who are only a year apart in age but the older always got more expensive gifts and to this day the other has inferiority issues yet is one of the kindest and most considerate people I know.
While adding up to the penny isn't needed, I think within £5 is right. This might just be a one off but if it continues it will affect the children's relationship to each other and their parents.

If you get something at a discount or 3 for 2 offer then I wouldn't count the actual cost but the value as the children need never know.

pippinpuss

My children have always had the same money spent on them. Doesn't matter whether they are twins or not.

Even now they are 18, 21 & 22 I will spend the same amount on them. I tend to limit it to £100 per child. One year I just gave them each an envelope with £100 in £5 notes. It looks so much more than 5 £20's & they tended to spend it more carefully.

Children tend to know the value of gifts & if they feel they have not had the same treatment it can cause resentment - not to the parent but to their sibling.