MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should the twins get the same value presents?

1connect

>>>>Should the twins get the same value presents?
Ten year old twins Monica and Gabriella have just decided what they want for Christmas. Monica’s cheekily asking for a £100 Nintendo DS and game, while Gabriella just wants a £40 pair of roller skates she picked out in the sports shop. Should their mum simply buy them both what they want, or is it only fair to top up Gabriella’s gift so it's equal value?

>>>> You can tell this is a Hypothetical situation because in the real world there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY the kids themselves would allow an unequal spend ... I have two kids , not twins but at a year apart they may as well be, and murder would be done if their spends were not equal...

midflight

Speaking from experience, I'd just secretly give all my presents to the twin I liked best, and tell the other one that santa has had to cancel christmas this year due to the credit crunch. That seems the fairest way to me.

englishmac

Taffybiker wrote: »

... Two 10 year olds are savvy enough to know that parents/family members buy the gifts - especially when the labelling reads "love from grandma" or similar. ...

That's just because Santa relies on friends and family to let him know whether you have been good and the kind of present you deserve for your actions during the year. The label is so you know who put a good word in for you. The familiar handwriting? That's just helping Santa and the Elves out - it's a big job you know, they appreciate the help!

squiresean

I sense a trick question. The wise parent wouldn't let their 10 year old kid run loose on a new pair of skates without some protective gear. She would have to have knee pads, helmet and wrist guards in case of a nasty fall. So we can add at least £20 for these items. Also, do the parents skate themselves? If not, who is going to teach the little one how to enjoy her roller skates ? (and wouldn't she rather have in-line skates anyway in this day and age? i think the parents should exercise an executive decision on that front lest their daughter thinks she's living in the 80s). So, you now have to factor in in-line skating lessons as clearly if the parents ever did skate it was on those things now quaintly referred to as 'quads' and looked upon with some derision in today's 'blading' community. One lesson is hardly likely to be enough - 3 is probably best to bring little Gabriella up to speed and sufficiently confident. But where is she going to 'blade' in this awful weather? Its not exactly an all-weather sport and rain makes it particularly precarious so unless she is going to stare at her skates until spring arrives, parents are going to have to get her down to the roller rink! I think that is probably at least £5 a session, lets assume she goes there at least 3 times before realising the skates were a bad idea (particularly as mum and dad insist on her wearing all this protective clothing). That's an additional £15 and the travel costs for child and one adult (mum - dad managing to sneak off to the pub with his mates).

Conclusion: Little humble Gabriella's request for a £40 pair of skates requires an investment by her parents in the region of £150. Now they have to buy Monica EXTRA games to make good the difference in value. And of course, once Gabriella gets bored of the goody-two-shoes look at me I am so sporty act, she will probably be fighting her twin to get on the games console!!

swee'pea

I've got 3 offspring, now 22, 20 and 17 (only my 17-year old son still living at home) and a 5-year old granddaughter, and our Christmasses were and still are absolutely magical each year.

I find it so sad when Christmas just boils down to a money-comparing exercise and when the kids already know what's in the presents before they unwrap them. Where's the magic in that?? It's not about spending the exact equal amount down to the last penny, but what makes them happiest.

We have never bothered about wish lists and there is hardly any rushed Christmas shopping at all. This is how I do it:

During the course of the year, whenever I hear my kids and close friends mention something they like or I see something in the shops that seems ideal, I make a mental note of it and later write that into the back of my diary. That gives me a long time to find the item in a sale, if possible. That way, they get just the perfect present without having realised they wanted it when the time comes. That applies for both Christmas and birthdays. I keep all the goodies in the attic. I told my kids they can have a look if they must, but then that wonderful moment of surprise would be lost: to this day, none of the stored boxes was EVER opened furtively.

When my eldest daughter was 12, all I gave her was a small envelope. She looked disappointed, but when she opened it and saw the voucher for a flying lesson to be taken whenever she wanted, she fell around my neck and said it was the best present she had ever had. (Yes, you are allowed to have flying lessons from the age of 12.) The following spring, I went up into the air with her and sat behind her in the small 4-seater plane. She had to sit on a cushion to be high enough and actually had the full control of the plane for 30 minutes, while I took photos of her school from above. She still thinks it was the best Christmas present ever, although I had managed to get the voucher for well under 30 quid.

Another example: we have an elderly neighbour who had been a god-sent when my kids were little, the kindest of people imaginable. When we once watched telly together, there was an ad about Estee Lauder perfume. My neighbour said dreamily "Oooooh, I love Estee Lauder!!" Mental note taken. When, months later, we gave her a bottle of Estee Lauder for Christmas, she had tears in her eyes and asked how we possible could have known.

Sometimes an obscure present literally takes me months to ferret out and to see their faces when they open their presents is just wonderful. They are always so chuffed with their presents that they never seem to bother about how much the exact monetary value is. Maybe that's because of the amount of love hidden in every present.

It's more important how perfectly suited the present is for the individual than the price (if affordable). But of course, there IS a limit to that. As one of the previous posters mentioned, giving one daughter a car and the other one only a small trinket is unfair, but giving them the present they appreciate most, is.

By the way: I only take out the Christmas decorations in the night before Christmas and then spend all night to get our living room lovingly decorated. That adds to the magic. If you put up the decorations a month earlier, by the time it is Christmas, you don't even notice them anymore.

Have a most wonderful Christmas everybody!

sinkorswim_2

I hate the idea of counting the value in money. My kids are all grown up now, but I have always moved Heaven and Earth to get them the thing I thought would delight them - perhaps because of my own (financially) deprived childhood - but this did not mean the most expensive, or making sure I spent exactly the same on each.

It balances out over time - one year one might get the most expensive pressie (but exactly what they wanted) and another year, the most would be spent on another. I never had the feeling that they felt cheated by being the one who received the less expensive present, or in fact that they were even aware of it.

The intention to take the trouble to know and try to get the thing they really want is the spirit of Christmas - and all - pressies. Children should be encouraged to see the value of the thought behind it. Here endeth the lesson!!

brokeinwales

When I was about twelve I remember asking for a hi fi system for christmas (such things were relatively expensive then!). As my parents always had a system where they would allocate a certain amount of cash to each of their three children (usually about £100 at a guess), at the time my Mum explained to me that I could have what I wanted, but I wouldn't have as many other presents to unwrap as usual (or as many as my two sisters, who has asked for much more modest gifts ). I remember being perfectly accepting of this - the hi fi was what I really, really wanted, so getting no other presents wasn't a big deal to me.

On the day though, what I thought was a nice gesture: my sisters had their usual bags full of gifts, and I had my hifi - but I also had a little bag of gifts, these were mostly very little inexpensive things - a couple of novelty rubbers, a bottle of bubble bath, a pair of socks - that kind of thing. I thought that was nice, because even though we'd had approximately the same money spent on us overall, it meant I didn't have to sit there watching while my sisters unwrapped all their things and I'd already had mine.
If the girls are old enough to think about what they really want, I think that's a good approach.

dbfisokay

Presumably, both were asked what they want and since Monica wants a £100 Nintendo DS and game and Gabriella wants a £40 pair of roller skates, it would appear they were not set a financial guide. Therefore, I would suggest that before finalising things, their mother explains to them that each will get a financially equal gift (which she will determine the value of) which might mean one of them will get more items than the other and take it from there... And in future it might be wise to ask specific questions. If you ask - What do you want? Your answer is likely to be problematic – especially when children are involved.

Fluffi

deefadog wrote: »

Money's irrelevant, if they are lucky enough to get what they choose, within your budget, then all's good! End of!

In the last 10 years, with my own children and nieces etc, never have i heard them saying to their brother or sister, "that's not fair theirs cost more than mine"

Would you add up all the gifts, school trips, clothes they get until they are 18 and then cash up to make it even? i think not

Happy Xmas :beer:

Edit - both me gill_81uk, posted similar at the same time

Yes I would. Why should one child get more expensive trips, hobbies and clothes than the others? If some children have "expensive" tastes, then they should be told when the budget doesn't stretch that far and be taught to compromise, or else save up towards the more expensive items. Similarly if one child wants an expensive school trip or clothes during the year that the others are unlikely to need or want then they should be told it'll come out of their Christmas, birthday or pocket money if necessary.

Not everything needs to balance to the penny every year, for example if you know the school runs an expensive trip in Y6 for every child and all your children are at the same school then I'd just put the money aside for my younger children so they could also go on the same trip when they were in Y6 too.

When I was a child I said I wanted to take up dancing lessons like my friends, however my parents would have struggled to have paid for them (and certainly would not have been able to afford as expensive hobbies for my siblings) so I was told I'd some my Christmas and Birthday presents would have to go towards dancing lessons and any extra money from relatives I'd have to spend buying dance shoes and dance clothes as necessary. (In the end I decided I didn't want to sacrifice all my presents just for dance classes - I didn't want to dance *that* badly and settled for books about dance instead)

Personally I think keeping the value of gifts similar helps children learn about money and rather than making them spoilt it teaches them there isn't a limitless pot of cash and sometimes they can't have what they want.

cmnoblin

Children should always be taught by their parents to be thankful and grateful for what presents they receive, regardless of value.

With a little positive encouragement and carefully constructed sentences, I believe even the twins could be convinced that they are both the luckiest girls in the world because they received exactly what they wanted. :beer:

If you top up a savings account with surplus cash, surely there will be a difference in balance at a crucial point somewhere down the line!:eek: