MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should the twins get the same value presents?

lottie-girl

jackieblack wrote: »

I completely disagree.:mad:

Each child is an individual, not just one of twins, and is entitled to have their own things. Yes, all children need to learn to share, but it is important that each child has things that are their own and for them to choose to share if they want to. Also, just because they are twins it doesn't mean they would like or want the same things.

You wouldn't mark the presents of two siblings of differing ages and/or genders to both of them.

We have 5 children (1 girl, 4 boys) age 1 - 10 and we do mark presents as to all of them!!!
Usually we buy them 1 individual gift of our choice (no one really asks for anything, we identify needs or things they would like ourselves) of around £10 - £15. Then we buy gifts that are for all of them. Always a big selection of books from the Book people (really cheap and we are all book addicts) and this year some wood carving tools as it is a hobby we would all like to try our hand at and a family game. Last year we bought a years pass to a nature reserve close by as their gift.
I would always treat the children equally although when they are young they can view the 'amount' of presents rather than 'monetry' value. I think a difference of £60 is way too big, not that we would spend that much anyway.

lottie-girl

HAZIEC wrote: »

Definately treat them the same moneywise, good idea to make up the amount with cash or vouchers rather than try and buy another present.

would LOVE to pose the question - should you spend the same on your Daughter in law or Son in Law that you spend on your married son or daughter ?? LOL

My inlaws do, but my family don't!!
Personally I would buy joint or family gifts.

debmorris

Money shouldn't come into it. Its the gift that counts. We have 3 children and don't spend the same amount on them- particulary for birthdays. Number 1 is having a £170 bike in January for her birthday. Luckily No 2 whose birthday was last week didn't need a bike so we spent about £70 on presents that she wanted and she was perfectly happy. Next year No 2 will need a bike but no 1 won't so it all evens out in the end. But why spend money you haven't got buying things they don't need just so its the same amount? They get far more than I ever got as a child anyway ............

geordie_lass_2

I think it's up to the parents to set the budget, not the child. I would make sure that the value of the gifts was the same for both children, if Monica wanted a gift that was more than the budget then she could have money towards it and make up the difference herself from her savings etc.

slimbo

Get them what they want regardless of price differences. Next birthday or Xmas maybe things will be reversed. We have an upper limit with our childrens' presents but occasionally we will exceed it for one child. Over the years it all evens itself out and no-one complains. We also sit our kids down and explain about money and the cost of living. They know they can't always have what they want and that they must share their pressies with their siblings whenever possible, so they all benefit.

JEV_3

This is a no brainer at all. Children have requests and all children in a family should be treated equally. If one wants a more expensive gift then either
a) buy an equivalent for all or
b) ontribute to the gift and the remainder is made up from savings.

In this society they do know the value and will compare. The key to a happy day is to talk with them and discuss what will happen, whether you can afford it or not. Communication is the essential part for any expensive time, children do understand when things cannot be adfforded dont patronise them.

This is the voice of experience we have triplets this happened at their last birthday and has happened again this christmas. They all know what limits there are and will negotiate. Believe me they will know the value and will compare and judge.

awehla

I definitely do not agree with labelling the gift to both of them, that's just asking for trouble.

I would spend the same on both whether it's on presents or just giving the rollerskate twin the money. Me and my sister always had to have the same amount spent on us or we'd get very jealous and yes we were petty but we were children. Now I don't mind if my Mum spends a bit more on my sister but I would be annoyed if she bought her a car or something extravagant and didn't get my anything.

To say it's not a "right" to receive a present is a bit too idealistic. Most people in British society especially in the upper working classes and above expect presents at certain times and if you don't get anything you feel disappointed especially if you've spent a lot on other people. It's not right but it's just how our society is.

Lisa
x

awehla

HAZIEC wrote: »

Definately treat them the same moneywise, good idea to make up the amount with cash or vouchers rather than try and buy another present.

would LOVE to pose the question - should you spend the same on your Daughter in law or Son in Law that you spend on your married son or daughter ?? LOL

My parents definitely spend more on me than they do on my partner and vice versa. I wouldn't expect my partners parents to spend the same on me especially since we don't have a particularly close relationship.

Lisa
x

raspabarbas

This did happen to my brother and me when we were younger: he asked for Streets of Rage 2 (lol, how long ago?!) and I wanted the Slyvanian families Panda parents figurines/toys. To be honest, I would have been happy getting just that, but my parents surprised me with one of the houses as well to make up the difference.

Labelling presents for both children undermines their individuality, especially if they don't get individual gifts separately.

bandraoi

I would be vary wary of "they don't notice", "no one complains".

Someone not saying something doesn't mean they don't notice, and someone not saying something doesn't mean they're not hurt by it.

A difference in overall cost on one gift giving occasion I wouldn't worry too much about, but a consistent difference in cost over birthdays, christmas etc. is very hurtful, whether comment is made or not.

Either the twins should have equal value presents at Christmas, or at some point (eg their next birthday) the comment should be made that one twin can expect a bit extra because they got less at Christmas.