Will somebody give me a free child?

Spendless

Did she need to work though?

When we married we owned a place each - long story - one of the places only sold just b4 eldest was born, so we never got used to 2 incomes so i packed in work and we managed.

6 months later we got stuck on holiday in France in the middle of the petrol strike, us and a young baby. It took us 3 days to travel up the country, filling up and stopping where we could overnight to make it back to the ferry port.

we came home to a big o/d run up - i then had to look for a part-time job and rope in my grans help

jellyhead

i'm not having a go at anyone here but there are so many part time jobs around where you don't need to use childcare ... i know loads of women on tax credits who work 16 hours a week in supermarkets. there are varied shifts. there might be the odd shift where childcare is needed but at least it's not for the entire week morning and night. there are also lots of people in couples working there part time for extra income - many mums come out to work while their husbands are at home with the kids. they don't get much time together i suppose but at least their kids are always with a parent. one woman works weekend shifts, her hubby works mon-fri so he can look after the kids at weekends. there are women like my mother who work overnight. when i was a student and worked in a nightclub there were lots of parents working there while the children were looked after by the other parent, so in a 2 parent family it can't be that hard to find a part time job where minimal childcare is needed.

i think in many cases the parents don't want to lower their expectations and take jobs that are a step or so backwards career-wise, they'd rather do their dream job with the kids in childcare. i think parenting is the most important job you can have. if people are completely career focused then why have children at all?

Spendless

It depends - my husband doesn't come in at set times and often works away overnight sometimes abroad - this rules out an evening job.

i've got one at home and one at school - so school time work isn't an option

i couldn't do overnight work as i'd still have to be up to look after the 20 month old.

i don't have anyone to help me out.

The only thing i could do is work weekends but given that my husband works long hours it would cut into the only family time we have.

That's why i'm on here so much - finding ways to save money
;D

goolieman

Ditto Spendless.
I ideally could get a job in the evenings at a Supermarket etc.. but DP commutes so is so reliant on the trains for when he gets home, so I never quite know when to expect him (don't get me started on South West Trains!!) He can also have late meetings and his job would always take priority.
Also he works away a lot and I couldn't rely on any family members to take care of the kids at any point. God forbid my Mother would tear herself away from her horse to help me out (don't get me started on that either, lol!)

D'ya know I would love to get away from the house for a couple of hours a day, it is tough at home all day with a 3 yr old and a 19 month old. I wouldn't have it any other way though. We chose to have them (and the small age gap) and I wouldn't dream of childcare unless it was absolutely necessary.
I too am of the view "why have kids if you are not going to look after them". I do however sympathise with those that have no choice, those whose situations change drastically.
I also think there has been a dramatic decline in parental responsibilty. It should be down to the parent to control their child's eating habits, exercising habits and general welfare, there is way too much 'blame lies elsewhere' rubbish in this country.

C

jellyhead

okay, i'm being a hypocrite because my hubby is often on call and has to go away at short notice so i'd never be able to work weekends or evenings, and after this baby is born i will have to decide whether to give up my job or put it in childcare while i work. i think i'll give up work and choose a badly paid job such as avon lady or paper delivery person (with baby in a sling lol!) so i can choose my own hours.

nearlyrich

if people are completely career focused then why have children at all?


Because we are all lead to believe that we can have it all and be perfect at everything, live in lovely tidy homes, washing on the line, feed the kids wholesome homemade fayre and be a sex kitten in the bedroom too lollollol :P

I think the current child bearing age women (for want of a better term) have got it really tough because the expectation is that you can have a glittering career and have babies without missing a beat.

The reality is a little different...sleepless nights, nursery doesn't take baby with sniffles, employers not too happy if you take time off even though you have the right and often don't have a choice. Childcare is expensive, you feel guilty for not being a proper mum.

Not sure what the answer is, I wouldn't like to be back 20 years and starting a family now.

bridiej

i think in many cases the parents don't want to lower their expectations and take jobs that are a step or so backwards career-wise, they'd rather do their dream job with the kids in childcare. i think parenting is the most important job you can have. if people are completely career focused then why have children at all?

That's exactly my point.

jellyhead

some of us had a discussion about this as naive young kids at uni. we all wanted to get a degree and have a good carrer so we decided there are plenty of unwanted kids in this country - why not work until we're too old to be taken seriuosly in the workplace and then adopt somebody elses kids if we're no longer fertile lol!

crana9

Another personal view is that we scrap all benefits so we don't have an army of people processing income support, DLA, incapacity benefit etc.  If you aren't working regardless of the reason you get 1 set amount per week.  No scope for extra - just a basic amount to cover the essentials like housing, utilities and food.  

DLA is not to do with a person being out of work. It is paid to help towards the extra costs people face if they have disabilities.