in deep, deep trouble

nova

bumblebee87 wrote: »

i was referred for counselling and i went to my first session, it just wasnt for me, the woman was wierd, really morbid, and seemed fixated on getting me to describe what my mum looked like in her coffin!

needless to say, i didnt go back

Hi Bumble,just to say l lost my mum in april too, (she died of that c.difficle which could have been avoided) and did exactly the same as you,l just could'nt be bothered to pay anything and we got in a dreadful state!Eventually l got my act together with help from this site, we're by no means out of the woods but l just think well you cant go to prison for debt ( god they'd be busting at the seams!!) so like others have advised,pay the most important things 1st rather than the debts where people apply the most pressure, as they cant have what you have'nt got, as long as you offer something, however small.
So chin up, head up and off you go!
Lots of love.
nova

ps.that councillor sounds weird!!

bountiful

Hiya Bumblebee - well done for getting your head out of the sand and starting to take action to get help. I wonder if you should be entitled to council tax benefit - if your OH's wages are only £770 and you have a child?

haleygrey

Bumble bee, Id just like to say thank you for giving me the incentive to post my SOA on here as well. Since Ive done it, ive had a few post with lots of help and advice. Hope you're starting to feel a bit better now that you know you're not alone and there are others out there too. xx

bumblebee87_2

OH has been told today he is in line for a promotion to deputy manager :T

im not holding out much hope of it happening, but needless to say, that along with the fact that you are all so supportive has brightened my outlook

good day today, off for a cuppa now x

Wol2

Hi Bumble

Glad to hear you had a good day today. I think you're doing really well and can see that other peeps with much more experience than me are helping you on the debt front.

One thing I would like to say is - don;t necessarily give up on the counselling lark - but yes.....in any profession there will be peeps that you can work with and peeps you can't. I have had counselling for a couple of issues over the last 20 years - some have been good - some have been diaboloical and have actually been completely out of their depth for the situation and caused me phsycial harm. But the one I have now is superb......so don;t give up .....ask for a referral to another person...you should not have to just accept the first person you;re given as there needs to be an element of chemistry and trust if it is to work....Most cousellors should work on the first "meeting" is free to see how we get on...regardless of whether you;re paying privately of on the NHS. You don;t say where you are...if you;re in the SE - PM me and I may be able to recommend......

Wishing you all the best in your endeavours...have ourage....you will get there...and this site is absolutely invaluable in terms of support....so please keep posting...

Hugs to you
Wol2
xxx

TotallyBroke

That's fantastic news about the job promotion. But with my mse head on. Don't add it to your soa with a view of spending it.
As soon as you see the payslip and money goes into the account take out the amount and pay it off the debts. So if you get £25 extra a month take out £20 and pay it off a debt. It'll reduce the debt so much quicker and the extra pennies in the account will build up nicely and help out.

I think I mentioned before about the nappies stopping soon as your lo is 2. So that'll save a lot. My lo is fascinated with the potty and toilet but has never done anything on it yet.

Ps. Sorry forgot about the counselling. Please ask for a different person she may have been weird but another person maybe just what you are looking for. Explain to the new one that you are now uncomfortable because of what she asked you to describe. He/She may then be a bit more sensitive and direct the counselling a different way for you.

bumblebee87_2

thanks, like i said im not counting on the promotion, and it would go straight off the debt, the payrise would be about 5k per year which is huge

DD has started potty training, and is pretty good, so hopefully we wont be buying daytime nappies after the new year

i am going to ring the docs later to see if i can get an appointment and think about another counselling referral

LittleEmms

Keeping fingers crossed for promotion!! (am same as you - never count my chickens until they're in.. people call me a pessimist - I say I'm a realist;) )

And yay at potty training... if you struggle at all... apparently there are some good books out there ..(not expensive, try Amazon!)... my friends little girl had a small issue with doing number 2 on the potty - but they got over it really quickly!!

As for counselling - fair play about calling the docs if/ when you want to. As Wol 2 says - you are entitled to ask for a different person. Only in your time though - don't ever feel rushed and just take the time to honour your grief. There are no set time periods and everyone is different.

Big hugs x

TotallyBroke

She is doing well at the potty training. My almost 2yo son thinks it's a game. He knows what you have to do on it but just never has. He just wants to copy his older cousin. Plus he likes washing his hands so it's an excuse if he sits on the potty he gets to wash his hands after. I just pray he doesn't turn into a compulsive hand washer lol.

bumblebee87_2

DD refuses to sit on the potty unless its to sit on to watch cbeebies :rolleyes:

she will only do her business on the toilet, and wont accept any help to get on it (ruddy headstong kids eh) its hilarious watching her getting up there

weve had a minor setback over the last few days as shes had a bit of a bad belly, and were having to put nappies on her as she cant get to the toilet quickly enough. :eek:

anyway DFW type stuff - well not much to report really, we have no money (well thats a lie, i have £1-20 next to me which i will be putting in my sealed pot) CB tomorrow, and just need to buy a couple of loaves of bread and some tatties and the rest will be staying in the bank. monday is OH's payday so we will be able to sit down together and see if we can get a plan in place to see how much we can offer to pay off the rent arrears each month

the idea i had was to pay the normal amount of rent from OH's pay, then as i get tax cred's weekly, see if we can afford a certain amount each week, rather than each month. i know that we waste money from the weekly money and it would go to much better use going on the rent account (sounds so obvious now :rolleyes: )