work colleague has crush on me.

dad-of-4

i just dont understand why a lesbian wouldnt take the hint, it seems most bizzare, creepy and twisted to be honest, to persist down the path of persuing a hetrosexual is just so wrong.

it annoys me that for all their sqalking about acceptance gay rights blah blah blah, their are thoes gays who just cant accept our right to be who we are.

it just doesnt do anyone any favours atall.

McKneff

babymum wrote: »

Annie,

She has told me that she is gay. . . and at the same time asked if it was ok to tell me that she loved me. I am not good at reading signs but believe me I cant ignore these ones!

fairy nuff

sorry couldnt resist it.

girleight@

"Go to H.R. and put in an official complaint against her and explain how threatened I felt and that it was upsetting me even more because it was a member of my own sex and I am not gay."
I agree with Duchy please don't say the above. Gay or not gay it is irrelevant! You have made it clear you are not interested and so to continue hinting in this way is harrassment. Even if you were a single lesbian it would be wrong!

ceridwen

I see your point. But I personally feel that harassment at work would be a LOT worse if it came from a member of my own sex - rather than a member of the opposite sex - and I think a lot of people would see my point. Harassment is harassment - obviously. But I think many people would understand why it seemed a lot worse if it came from a member of my own sex.:cool: - the "Ohmygawd - do I LOOK as if I'm gay - aaaagh!" angle......

I am not anti-gays.....BUT it must be accepted that some of us are just plain 100% heterosexual and WILL feel a lot more threatened/upset at an unwanted pass from a member of our own sex than we would from a member of the opposite sex - so I do think its relevant to mention it.

I find that an unwanted pass from a man (ie opposite sex) means I feel "He must be joking" or sorry for him that women dont fancy him (depending on how nice or otherwise a person he is). The odd couple of passes from women have left a very nasty "taste in my mouth" (ie sickened and astonished) - so it DOES make a difference.

babymum

thank you all for your advice. to me it isn't an issue that this is a woman- it just makes me not sure how to deal with it. if it was a man perhaps i would have been firmer, sooner but not having dealt with this kind of thing before makes it a bit weird and i don't want to upset anyone.
babymum

McKneff

You say that you dont want to upset anyone, pity she doesn't feel the same way, perhaps then she would leave you alone

DCFC79

Why don't you explain that your OH is built like a brick *hithouse who is a club doorman and who doesn't like anyone having a liking for his OH

Sami_Bee

I think the way to go is to tell her that you find her behavior inappropriate and if she doesn't stop you will put a sexual harassment complaint to your manager/HR dept. tell her that you are not interested in any advances from anyone as you are happily married and find it upsetting that she is making your job uncomfortable and it has been noticed by other staff. Make sure you let HR or you manager unofficially aware too in case she decides to be petty and make a false complaint
Hopefully the warning of official action plus the embarrassment of being told others have noticed will stop her, if not make sure you do put in the official sexual harassment complaint.

I hope it gets sorted!

brightonman123

you can always give em my number...!

MrsTinks

Having managed staff myself and had a couple of interesting moments I have to say the only incidents with other women "not taking the hint" thankfully have not been at work... Definitely speak to your line manager about the issue. Explain you're very unsure about how to address this issue as it's not a position you've been in before. Definitely helps thinking of them as a bloke as far as how you'd deal with them. Legally there is no difference between harrassment from one over the other and you'd be better off treating it the same.
Last lady who failed to get the hint that I wasn't interested had it explained very clearly and firmly with a graphical suggestion thrown in (I wasn't having a good day and I'm still amazed I stuck to the graphical explanation rather than a demo... then again... getting suntanned in stripes never did appeal to me...) - but on the other hand I have no qualms make the exact same point to blokes who won't get the hint... last one should at least I think still stands sideways to ladies he doesn't know... just in case... Did I mention I like my personal space?
So... my point is... feeling very uncomfy is certainly normal. Make notes of any inappropriate comments she makes and if possible any people that might have overheard her. Then call a meeting with you, her, HR and possibly your line manager. Mention some of the incidents and that these are making you feel very uncomfortably and you'd like them and the bahaviour to cease immediately otherwise you will make an official complaint rather than this informal discussion.