work colleague has crush on me.

McKneff

just come across this thread. Your post was very short.
How do you 'know' that this woman has a crush on you.
How do you 'know' that this woman is gay

She may be just desperate for a close friend

ceridwen

Annie

Possibly she is - but work is not the best place to look for said "close friend" methinks.

Regarding "knowing" this woman has a crush on O.P. - well I guess most of us have pretty good antennae for when someone fancies us. Speaking for myself - I've sometimes missed picking up the "vibes" and been unaware when some people fancied me - but every time I thought someone fancied me I have turned out to be correct. I would say women are probably pretty good at picking out by and large who fancies them - men on the other hand: the number of men who've told themselves I fancy them when I was busy thinking "You must be joking":D is something I've long since lost count of...;) . Many men think they're attractive - when they are demonstrably not - but women tend to be much more aware of these things.

babymum

anniehanlon wrote: »

just come across this thread. Your post was very short.
How do you 'know' that this woman has a crush on you.
How do you 'know' that this woman is gay

She may be just desperate for a close friend

Annie,

She has told me that she is gay. . . and at the same time asked if it was ok to tell me that she loved me. I am not good at reading signs but believe me I cant ignore these ones!

BridgetJones_2

Go to your HR dept.

nzmegs

If this was a man you would be quick to see it as harrassment and would have - most likely had it dealt with by your manager. is the fact she is a woman made that different somehow? In my opinion there is no diference. if she carrys on you have to treat it in exactly the same way.

ceridwen

babymum wrote: »

Annie,

She has told me that she is gay. . . and at the same time asked if it was ok to tell me that she loved me. I am not good at reading signs but believe me I cant ignore these ones!

Ohmygod - now THAT is worrying. This woman is obviously totally impervious to subtle hints then....firm action time then.

Sorry to hear you are in this situation.

We have now gone into territory where I would personally be feeling thoroughly insulted and upset - the "Isnt it OBVIOUS I'm heterosexual - LEAVE ME ALONE?" territory. You are probably staying a lot calmer than I would then in that case.

If it was me - I would be taking very firm action very fast to deal with this in an "official" way before I "blew my top" at her and lost my temper bigtime - but, thats me - I have a temper.

So - yep - deal with it sooner rather than later - whilst you can still stay "calm and reasonable".

(I'm not condemning women for being gay - "some of my best friends......etc etc" as they say.....but I would have lost my temper if they'd ignored me telling them I'm not "interested" in women in that way. Luckily - I never had to - as they accepted the fact that I dont want to know okay.)

I think possibly you might be having a "guilty liberal" thing going on in your head - thinking "I dont want to be seen as anti-gay. I am NOT anti-gay. Oh dear - what do I do to deal with this - whilst not coming over as anti-gay". I know I'd think along those lines myself. BUT - bad behaviour is bad behaviour. You wouldnt accept this from the opposite sex - so dont accept it from her.

So my personal plan of action right now would be:

- Go to H.R. and put in an official complaint against her and explain how threatened I felt and that it was upsetting me even more because it was a member of my own sex and I am not gay.

- If that didnt work and she still kept this up - then wait until I had an opportunity of talking to her on my own away from all witnesses and "blow my top bigtime" and give my temper full play in no uncertain terms. After all - everyone will be "on your side" in this - so anything she says about how nasty you just were to her isnt likely to be listened to or believed. There are times (once in a very blue moon) when losing your temper in a big way is the only way to deal with a situation - I dont advocate it as "everyday conduct". (Its the "nuclear option" and I've only used it once in a work situation - but it worked instantly - they left that week). (But then - thats I how would do it - and you might not want to.)

Ivrytwr3

give her a trial run, you may like de Fann-eh!!!!

ceridwen

..not a serious suggestion I trust?:cool:

Ivrytwr3

no

duchy

The fact she's female is irrelevent. You treat it exactly the same way as if it was a bloke with a crush. Make distance-refuse to have personal non work related conversations -if something is said that is inappropriate then say firmly "This is NOT an appropriate conversation and you need to stop right now" She'll get the message-and probably faster than most blokes do -but just like a bloke if you aren't clear she'll look for "hope" and assume been nice is a positive sign.