Where to go on Christmas day, can't decide!

Jo_R_2

I'm sure loads must have or have had similar dilemmas so here goes...

We can't decide what to do at Christmas. I have always gone to my parents, where my sister and her fiance go, as well as my grandad, then me and my DDs and in recent years their dad.

I got together with OH last year but as things weren't serious we spent Christmas with our respective families.

This year we're living together with baby on the way and having discussed it, can't decide what to do. My mum is hoping for us to go round there, and his mum wants him to go round there. We don't want to disappoint anyone, so OH suggested what if he goes to his mums and me and DDs go to my parents? I wasn't keen on this because I think now we're a family we should do Christmas as a family, wherever we go.

I have asked how OH's mum would feel if we all came round for Christmas day - I got the impression the invitation was primarily just for OH but I'm guessing that's just because that's what he's always done on his own. I know my mum would love to have us all - the more the merrier as far as she's concerned, and it would be my preferred choice but I'm happy to compromise.

I've never thought about spending Christmas just us, to me I adore being round family on Christmas day and I want it to be a great day for my DDs as well.

How do others work round this?

Janepig

Why don't you agree to spend this Christmas day with one parent, Boxing Day with the other, then next year swap around - spend next Christmas day with the one who you spent this Boxing Day with and Boxing Day with the one you spent Christmas Day this year with.

Does that make sense? That's what we used to do, although in fairness my mum never pressurised us although she made it clear she'd have loved us to go there every year but appreciated that wasn't possible.

But now we have children we stay at home to have lunch and then visit my dad and DH's parents (rather than them come over - this way we can leave when we've had enough :rolleyes::D).

Jxx

littlemissmoney

Do they live close? Could you do half a day at each house?

minxtress

Ah I have never taken my children out of thier home on xmas day as I think kids like to get up and just engross themselves in thier presents, mine dont even like to get out of thier jarmys half the time! And food is the last thing on thier minds.
I have always had an open door policy on xmas day and anyone can drop by to see us and spend as long as they want, but I wont be dragging the kids anywhere, its a rare occasion nowadays for us all to spend the wholeday togther with the kids getting older which makes it that bit more special.
When they were smaller I never even used to make a xmas dinner, I used to make a buffet with all thier favourite things on and they could just pick at all day when they fancied it between toys. Now I make a christmas dinner and love that time just the 5 of us.
Our families totally respect our way of thinking and lets face it, its far easier for them to come to us than it is to for us to get to them with a family of 5.

Zara33

Jo_R wrote: »

This year we're living together with baby on the way and having discussed it, can't decide what to do. My mum is hoping for us to go round there, and his mum wants him to go round there. We don't want to disappoint anyone, so OH suggested what if he goes to his mums and me and DDs go to my parents? I wasn't keen on this because I think now we're a family we should do Christmas as a family, wherever we go.

I have asked how OH's mum would feel if we all came round for Christmas day - I got the impression the invitation was primarily just for OH but I'm guessing that's just because that's what he's always done on his own.

Personally i would be livid! His mother does not see you, your children or your partner as a family :eek: :eek: :eek: Your partner is no longer single he is part of a family unit and i'm surprised that he is even thinking of going to his mother's without you all.
What will happen next Christmas when his child is born?

Jo_R_2

Zara33 wrote: »

Personally i would be livid! His mother does not see you, your children or your partner as a family :eek: :eek: :eek: Your partner is no longer single he is part of a family unit and i'm surprised that he is even thinking of going to his mother's without you all.
What will happen next Christmas when his child is born?

I was a teensy bit annoyed when a) he said about maybe going on his own, and b) that his mum hadn't specified us to come as well. Now, in fairness he wasn't sure if the invitation had extended to us but if that is the case then I will certainly be fuming! :mad: And I think when he suggested what he did he was thinking of his mum, she brought him and his brother up by herself, he's always lived with her until he moved in with us not long ago, and I think he was just thinking of the easiest way to keep all parents happy. He loves going round to my parents, he basically gets fed, made loads of cups of tea and fussed over by my mum, has man chats with my dad about cars and computers and loves that family atmosphere because he never had that when he was growing up.

His mum lives very near, my parents however live a 45-minute drive away and we haven't got a car. My dad does and would pick us all up/drop us off if needed.

I have suggested the alternating where we spend Christmas each year - he's not against it at all, we just can't decide how to start it all off so to speak!

elainew

I would stay at my own home and go visiting on boxing day. Christmas is now about your own family unit .

duchy

Start as you mean to go on. I'd be bit concerned bout starting a family with a man who doesn't see you as his primary family though
Why not have a chat with his Mum by yourself and find out what she wants rather than what your partner *thinks* she wants. You might be pleasantly surprised

Savvy_Sue

Does his mum drive? Or his brother? I'd be looking into whether your parents would be willing to invite them as well as you lot, if the logistics of getting there weren't too impossible.

but I also second duchy's suggestion.

If my boys ever present me with grandchildren, I'd be seriously hacked off if they turned up on their own or didn't think an invitation extended to the whole family. Even if they were step grandchildren! But I realise not all mums feel that way, and not everyone welcomes step grandchildren.

andyd55

Go to both parents houses, just means 2 christmas dinners but you wont have to eat on boxing day then so saving you money hehe

viktory

Stay at home with over Christmas and visit the families before and after the festivities together.