Where to go on Christmas day, can't decide!

jackomdj

We stay at home & invite one set of parents one year & the other the next. My parents always come & spend alternate Christmases with my sister & her family. OH's Mum & Step Dad never come & spend it on their own as OH is an only child!

When we first got together we lived in a bigger house & OH's parents used to stay at ours & all my family used to come round for the day but now we live a long way from both sets of parents. I firmly feel that our children should spend Xmas day at home so they are not having to adhere to anyone elses rules! They are able to make as much noise as they want & play with all their presents & generally make a mess (they are 4 & 20 months!)

HTH Nicky

maryotuam

How about spending Christmas day at home but invite his Mum around. It might be a wonderful opportunity for you all to bond as she is bound to feel lonely otherwise. Your extended family sound great and I would imagine them being very understanding. Maybe you could all pop round together for an hour to your family with his Mum in tow so she can see what you have given up for her.

Jo_R_2

Wow loads of replies, thanks!

I should point out that OH's mum lives with her partner, his brother lives in town so she wouldn't be on her own. I spoke to OH earlier and he's speaking to his mum in a bit about Christmas although it seems he'd rather go to my parents - he thinks if we're all together it would be best to go there as it would be easier with the girls, his mum's house is pretty small to be adding all of us plus his brother anyway.

We should all being well have moved next year to a bigger house ourselves so it will mean we can more easily invite people round. I adore being round family and I just want it to be great for the girls, since my ex left, and even after getting together with OH, I had a period earlier in the year of serious depression, and the whole time my parents have been the ones who have been there for me and then me and OH with caring for the girls and it's very important to me that I don't just want to share the bad times but the good too. I don't know if that makes sense, I can't afford monetary gifts but I want to give them the gift of our time as both my parents adore the girls, in fact I said to them they're like almost their surrogate 'father' - sounds an odd way of putting it but I know how much it would mean to them to have the girls there and of course for us to be there too.

Lilith1980

Me and DH spend Christmas day just us and then tend to go my Mum's on boxing day or the day after, and then to the in-laws. Just because the in-laws only live 2 hours from us so its not such a bad journey when we can finally get back home.

I think Christmas is a bit of a contentious time when it comes to family. Me and DH do all the travelling to our families. My Mum doesnt drive so that's fair enough really and my Nan would be too old for the journey but DH's Dad drives and we only really see his Mum and Dad when we go there for Christmas as no one else comes round so it wouldnt be a hassle for them to come here but nevermind!

All this build-up happens once a year thank goodness!

Loz01

I agree with the majority, maybe push towards going to your parents, seeing as xmas is for children, and you said your DD's adore your parents and they adore them back! Enjoy the peace, once you have your own house, it'll be a free for all next year with people coming round. :rotfl:

duchy

Start as you mean to go on. I'd be bit concerned bout starting a family with a man who doesn't see you as his primary family though
Why not have a chat with his Mum by yourself and find out what she wants rather than what your partner *thinks* she wants. You might be pleasantly surprised

tsstss7

Errata wrote: »

Stay at home - visit both sets of outlaws before Christmas. If you try and alternate stays with them you'll make a rod for your back and they'll all beat you with it.

I agree whole heartedly with this ..alternate xmas's are a 'mare and if your OH is anything like mine he will do xmas at your family's grudgingly AT BEST!!

I had a running agreement with my oh to alternate xmas's and last year he let me down and said he wanted to go to his mums or stay home (even though it was my mum's "turn") so this year the agreement is off and from now on we stay home for ever - no more cold salmon from mil for me.(she cooks it first and then leaves it out to go cold yuk!!).....:D

MIL fil and my mum can come here whenever they like - but me, oh and my babies get to have a nice quiet xmas at home with no toing and froing between rellies .....(well that's the plan anyway although next yr I'm planning a holiday by the sea as my perfect xmas get away).

IMO you should let him do the xmas's apart this yr if you can bear it as it's realistically the last year you can. Give mil time to adjust to the idea of your new little family and next yr stay home - no visiting either ...they come to you and you don't then have to go traiping round town with LO's deperate to play with their new toys but not able ....

ailuro2

Jo_R wrote: »

Wow loads of replies, thanks!

That's probably because it's one of the most common arguments in many households round the country at around this time every year.

Apart from the anti-socials like me and DH who claimed Christmas Day for ourselves from the earliest years of being together as a couple - once you've done it once there's no going back, it's so nice to do what you want (and Yes, that includes having an afternoon nap) :beer:

bravobeastie

Zara33 wrote: »

Personally i would be livid! His mother does not see you, your children or your partner as a family :eek: :eek: :eek: Your partner is no longer single he is part of a family unit and i'm surprised that he is even thinking of going to his mother's without you all.
What will happen next Christmas when his child is born?

I have to agree with this. My mil has never invited me and the children to her house on xmas day (or any other day), only my husband and since she lives nearly 30 miles away it means he's gone for the best part of the day. Which most times includes him having his xmas dinner when he gets home while the rest of us have eaten.

I've put my foot down this year, we're all going out for lunch on xmas day with my mum and her other half, so his mother will have to fit in round us for once.

Ahhhh that feels better for having that little rant lol

pamelab21

we have been together for 8 years and have always made xmas dinner alternate years between my parents and his, however I know a time will come soon (as we are TTC) that this will have to stop and I am not sure what will happen after that.
I like Xmas but at the same time dread the whole thing as we still see both sets of parents on Xmas day, having dinner with one and visiting the other, we spend a lot of time running about and not much time enjoying the day!

Is your house big enough to suggest having your parents and his mum over or does the family extend further than that?