Where to go on Christmas day, can't decide!

Jo_R_2

pamelab21 wrote: »

we have been together for 8 years and have always made xmas dinner alternate years between my parents and his, however I know a time will come soon (as we are TTC) that this will have to stop and I am not sure what will happen after that.
I like Xmas but at the same time dread the whole thing as we still see both sets of parents on Xmas day, having dinner with one and visiting the other, we spend a lot of time running about and not much time enjoying the day!

Is your house big enough to suggest having your parents and his mum over or does the family extend further than that?

My house is v.v.v.v.v. small - me, OH and DDs can only just fit in so no question of inviting anyone else unless they wanted to sit on the stairs!

There's a bit more family involved, my sister and her fiance and my grandad, and OH's mum's partner, though am not sure what her partner does at Christmas.

Savvy_Sue

In the hope of lightening the mood somewhat, just thought I'd add that my boys have been told there are only two possible reasons for not being 'home' (ie with me) on Christmas Day.

1. They have risen from their backsides long enough to get a job at Uni which requires them to work over the festive season - although I don't promise not to take Christmas to them in that case!

2. They have a gf and they are going to her parents for Christmas. In which case I expect to meet her at New Year, so no gfs should be invented! And if they conveniently split between Christmas and NY, I shall wish to speak to her, either to ask why my dear boy wasn't good enough for her, or sympathise with her for ever having fallen for his charms.

IF they ever get a significant other, I hope my expectations will be reasonable and open to discussion. No way would I insist on seeing them on a particular day, but I'd make it very clear any invitations were to both of them, not just 'my' son.

Mind you, when I pass on invitations from my family, I sometimes tell DH that his presence is optional ... if he can find a good reason not to be there! :rotfl: I know he wouldn't be quickly forgiven for turning up with out me to his parents! But it's different with my lot.

faerie_girl

This has just reminded me I need to talk to OH with what we are doing this year year. This is our second christmas in our own home. Last year we had Christmas Dinner at ours, boxinng day at my parents and new year at his fathers. His mother made a brief vist at some point as we're not welcome at their house, his Step-dad has 'fallen out' with us for nearly 3 year now!

This year though I have no idea what we are doing. I am expecting our first baby on 21st December!! We will definetly be having Christmas diner at home this year unless I am on the labour ward! dont think I really want to venture out of the house but his parents live round the corner and mine about 10 min walk away so its not much of a trek. Think I might just say they can come round here for an hour for a cuppa and some cake. It just depends when the baby comes. Might not be till end of december, could be next week in which case i might be more happy to visit them.

SecretSquirrel88

Thats the one thing I hate about Christmas!

In the morning we will go his parents to open the presents, then go to mine to eat dinner - stay til about 4 pm and then go back to his for the evening and stay the night. Then the next year, we will do the same but the other way round!

It seems to work quite well and nobody gets upset. It's a little easier for me to get away with it though as it's also my birthday on christmas day so I can use the line 'but i have to see all my family - its my birthday!!'

We normally then spend boxing day seeing the rest of his family (3 hours in a car on boxing day!!!) which I wouuld rather not do but there you go!

Good luck! x

jellyhead

My in-laws are busy at church on christmas day, and SIL works in a hospital and usually works christmas day (she doesn't have children) - so MIL 'does' christmas a week or so before, and we go to my parents on xmas day. So it's never been a problem for us - but my sister alternated between my parents and her in-laws each year. One brother stays at home since he had his daughter - they want christmas as a family with no visitors on the day.

As long as you say hello to parents at some point, and they get to see the granchildren open the present from them (seems to be a big deal for grannies?) then I don't see why anyone should be offended by what you and your OH choose to do as a family - but then that's easy for me to say because I don't have the sort of parents or in-laws who would get upset.

If you want to alternate between family (and it sounds like xmas day with your family is a lot of fun) then I agree with others - go to yours this year and his next year (but make sure that his parents and anyone else you will see there has bought presents for your older children!).

Get your OH to be the one who tells her how things are going to be, and say you thought she would prefer to have the first christmas with her new grandchild, and ask if that's the case. She'll probably say yes, even if she's upset about missing out this year. Give her the option of seeing ALL OF YOU this year instead though, on the understanding that next year she will see you on boxing day instead of christmas day.

You're pregnant now, and your OH is important to your girls. You're a family NOW, it doesn't start when the grandchild is born.

TotallyBroke

Last year MIL was away at her brother's. It was my lo 1st christmas so we went with them. We spent christmas morning with them and then travelled down to my Mum's.
This year we are doing Breakfast at home, Lunch at my Mum's and evening at MIL's.
Next year it will be lunch at MIL and evening at Mum's unless MIL makes other plans.
My sister does the same alternate years for lunch and dinner. My grandmother also does one year with Mum and the next with Aunt.

I would ask your MIL what plans she has for christmas. Say you would normally go to your Mum's but you could always change your plans for her.
Or alternately if you have the room invite them all to you. Tell them to bring something with them. (Mum makes a great stuffing so she'd have to bring that if they ever came to me) MIL might make a great trifle so you could ask her to bring that etc.
Sorry I just read your reply to someone else about the limited space

Jo_R_2

Just wanted to update...

Chatting to OH about it. He was definite he wanted us all to go to my parents, so he called up his mum to talk about what we'd agreed.

Seems she wasn't totally sure what her and her OH were doing and had said they might go away over Christmas, but talking to her last night I think she's staying at home. AFAIK OH's brother should be going and his mum is a little worried it won't be great if it's just him and them but she'd already thought we'd go to my parents apparently.

I feel a little bad - I mean yes I would have much rather gone to my parents anyway but I have a lot of admiration for this woman who brought up her two sons single-handedly and now feel like I'm stealing him away from her! I know she's disappointed but she wouldn't come out and say so so I'm trying to think of when we can fit in going over to see them, maybe seeing them in the evening on Christmas day or going Boxing Day instead - but then I don't know what my ex wants to do re: having the girls over Christmas, things are never simple lol!

Spendless

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

In the hope of lightening the mood somewhat, just thought I'd add that my boys have been told there are only two possible reasons for not being 'home' (ie with me) on Christmas Day.

1. They have risen from their backsides long enough to get a job at Uni which requires them to work over the festive season - although I don't promise not to take Christmas to them in that case!

2. They have a gf and they are going to her parents for Christmas. In which case I expect to meet her at New Year, so no gfs should be invented! And if they conveniently split between Christmas and NY, I shall wish to speak to her, either to ask why my dear boy wasn't good enough for her, or sympathise with her for ever having fallen for his charms.

IF they ever get a significant other, I hope my expectations will be reasonable and open to discussion. No way would I insist on seeing them on a particular day, but I'd make it very clear any invitations were to both of them, not just 'my' son.

Mind you, when I pass on invitations from my family, I sometimes tell DH that his presence is optional ... if he can find a good reason not to be there! :rotfl: I know he wouldn't be quickly forgiven for turning up with out me to his parents! But it's different with my lot.

:rotfl: :T I am seriously impressed that you've thought of that before they have.:D

carbonmonoxide

Me and my OH have always spent xmas at home just the two of us - but we have DS now so it will be the 3 of us this time around:D

Saying that I would be happy to alternate, but don't think OH is that keen. Also due to distances involved and not being able to drive it would mean spending more then the one day there so its not very practical anyway.

nickyhutch

WHy don't you ask your Mum if you can bring OH's mum and dad round too?