My debt free wannabe diary.....

LittleEmms

YAY!! Laura!! Thank god for that …

LOL at Gemini and split twin – could SO be true!!! Although its my big 30 birthday this month – not sure if you wanna join me in that one

Very true about ‘kissing a few toads’ before meeting the prince. I had finally fully let go of baggage regarding the end of my long term relationship end of 2007 (split late 2005), then met someone early 2008, who I finally let ‘in’ a bit (let the ice queen melt slightly). He mistreated me very badly – long story and not for board consumption . So as you can imagine when I met my b/f late last year – I really wasn’t looking, but the toads had made me realise just how lucky I was in finding my ‘prince’ (also backed up that weird saying – its’ when you’re not looking…:rolleyes:).


Thanks hun – I know I’ll get there eventually …. But oooooo to be left with £1k a month!! You’re friend sounds like she’s halfway there but not had her LBM at the moment… Its scary when you actually sit down and realise what you do need to live on… a bit of a shock!! I’ve decided to put my CC in the freezer too like some have said on here… so that if its an emergency I have it, but it’s not in my purse for anything else!! Til I build up an emergency fund that is!

OOo yes to difficult working hard knowing you’re leaving. Kinda lack of motivation steps in. Had that at my old job before I left and only did a months notice… god knows what I’d be like with 6 months!!! :cool:

Hope you’re having a fab Wednesday!!

xx

Crap_with_money.com

Well - the diary has certainly fallen by the wayside!!

I'm not doing too well on keeping up the positivity so far if I'm being honest! On a money front, I'm not doing too badly! I get paid a week on Friday, and have about £30 to see me through! Which obviously isn't much, but I've a quiet weekend planned, and don't really have anything else which needs buying!!

It's the first anniversary of my dad's death on Thursday, and it's safe to say I'm glad the last 12 months are behind me!! :T I never would've imagined that something like that would affect so many aspects of my life. I don't think there's even one relationship with any of my friends which seems the same to me as it did before. There are a few of them who have been diabolically unsupportive, and although it's not their problem, and obviously doesn't even really affect them, it's still hard not to feel hurt and let down! How the hell I forget that and move on and go back to normal with them, is kinda beyond me at the moment - but I'm hoping things will seem a little better in time!!

Anyway - sorry - this isn't really the place for a ramble like that - but my poor boyfriend must be sick listening to me - and to be honest - when your friends are crap, and your family are all having a hard time of it as well - who exactly are you meant to talk to?

xx

LittleEmms

Awwww… hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Firstly lots of these; :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

Well done on the money side, especially whilst not feeling great. Its at those difficult times it’s very easy to let things slip!

On the other stuff - before I ramble on back to you … I need to apologise – as this will probably turn into a incy wincy essay!

I’m so sorry to hear your friends have been so unsupportive, I had a little experience of that myself * – but not in the same league as you. It hurts and yes at the time it feels like you’re not sure you can be the same with them again.

My ‘adopted’ mum (not really adopted but have no relationship with my own, and this “mum” is more of a mum than mine has ever been)… well she lost her husband just under 2 years ago – he was like my adopted 2nd dad (I do have a great relationship with my dad but he doesn’t live in the UK). She got one of those leaflet/ book type things from the BBC website about grief and it says in there that you will end up with a different set of friends than before, with some ‘original’ ones in there .. .but you will certainly learn to realise who is really there for you and who is not. She has said to me on numerous occasions that people have not been there for her – best friends who (in her case) she has known for 20 plus years. It has been a shock and not a pleasant experience.

So in effect what I am trying to say is – what has happened with your friends is not unusual, and I think people who have never had the (unfortunate) experience of close grief sometimes just don’t really understand. They can attempt to but until you have the experience of dealing with it yourself, it really doesn’t ‘hit home’.

Something they say is that people just ‘don’t know what to say’ and although this can be seen as a feeble excuse, it’s a sad but true fact. They say nothing rather than potentially saying the wrong thing, not realising that sometimes you just want them to listen and not say anything at all.

As I said above, being the same with your friends again afterwards – well only that can be a time thing and also a choice thing, for you. Only you know how you feel. * A year later after my “second dad” passed, my friend who I felt let me down, was actually very honest and said that at the time I was grieving, she couldn’t handle me… that was so hard to hear – but looking back I appreciated her honesty. The irony was it led to her not feeling she could talk to me when she lost someone close. I would have been there for her.. .but she didn’t try.

Here’s a link to the website my adopted mum got her advice from, and don’t ever feel you can’t use the services out there associated with grief. Just because you are now passed the first year – that doesn’t make your grief any less than someone who has experienced it a month ago… in fact I think its more prevalent as a lot of people are no longer in ‘shock’ mode and actually are sometimes only just starting to deal with their feelings. My adopted mum has said for her the second year has been harder – due to “just trying to get through the first year”.

Always here to chat – pm me if you don’t want me to take over your diary

http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/coping_with_grief/bereavement_index.shtml

lots of big hugs

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Crap_with_money.com

Hey Emms,

Thanks very much for all the kind words! I think it did me good to hear your perspective on things, as a lot of things you said made sense! The link was really good as well! Sorry, I'm only just replying now, I took a few days off work last week, and I've just been trying to get my head sorted out. I gave myself time to feel sorry for myself, then I had a good talk to myself and I'm feeling much better for it! Sadly, I think the damage with one of my friends in particular might be beyond repair, but maybe in time it'll sort itself out! We'll see!!

Anyway - thanks again for the helpful advice, I've no doubt I'll have my down days again, but for now I'm doing ok! I think a few days to myself to try sort my head out was maybe just what I needed!!

xx

Crap_with_money.com

So - dragging things back to my money affairs! On a very happy note, I got offered a job today!! :T :j It's part-time at weekends, and initially I'll be doing it alongside my full-time job, which I suppose might be tough at times, but it'll give me a wee extra injection of cash that is badly needed, before I get started back at uni! I'll be working 16 hours over the weekend, for a call centre - but for a bank, and it pays £6.5k/year - so pretty good going for a second job methinks!! No doubt the taxman'll take more than his fair share, but that'll only be for a few months 'til I give up the day job!!

It's finally payday tomorrow!! Whoo Hoo!! :j I've claimed a wee tiny bit of commission, so that should help, but I think from now on, I'll post a mini SOA at the beginning of the month, to help me figure out what I've got going spare! And therefore, to figure out what I can add to my "saving for uni/Mexico fund". Off to do that now.......

xxx

mum2one

Thats brilliant news re bank, glad it all coming together, u take care, we're all here if you ever need anything xx

Crap_with_money.com

Ok, so before I start - confession time!! The budget didn't quite go to plan last month, although I wouldn't say I've blown it out of the water entirely!! I ended up being slightly overdrawn!! The extra expense was on taking mum out for dinner the night before dad's anniversary, so I'm not gonna feel too guilty about it, since she was in need of a bit of cheering up!!

So.......

Incoming
Wages...................1173.63
Quidco...................45.00 (thanks again mum2one - you're a star for suggesting that one!!)

Out-going
Rent.....................222.00
Bankloan...............166.08
Mobile...................19.59
Overdraft...............60.61

Remainder..............750.35

Things which need paying for in February
Mums Birthday....................?
Valentines..........................? (i'm kinda against the whole buying each other big pressies at valentines, but OH has booked tickets for a musical, a hotel and a meal out - all of which he's insisting on paying for! :rolleyes: )
Travel Insurance..................?
Haircut..............................£40.00 (I tried going to our local college to get it done cheaper, but my hair was an absolute mess!! - I might try shopping around to see if I can find anything a bit cheaper which won't leave me looking like a scarecrow! )
Engagement Pressie............£15.00?
New Toner/Moisturiser..........£28.38 :eek: (i'm considering changing brand, since my Clinique stuff is really quite expensive - it's been one of the few luxuries I've held onto - but methinks it might finally b time for it to go!!)

I'm sure there's plenty more which could be added to the list, but anyway, tomorrow I'll syphon off £500 into my savings account I think, and use the remaining to cover the cost of the above, along with any other socialising for the month!! it's gonna be tight - but hey!! - I enjoy a challenge!!

xx

Crap_with_money.com

mum2one wrote: »

Thats brilliant news re bank, glad it all coming together, u take care, we're all here if you ever need anything xx

well hello there mum2one!! thanks! Good to hear from you!! - I was just wondering what'd happened to you, but I saw you'd thanked one of my posts, so figured you must still be around! - How's things with you and the lil' 'un?

How was your Christmas and new year? Hope you had a good 'un!!

xx

mum2one

I'm here, doing a bit missinf a bit as they say, quiet xmas dd wasnt well, but we escaped after new yr went down Devon for 5 days gd break.
Is it ur engagement noticed £15.00 allocated -
Travel ins - try Quidco, AA is pretty competative with prices or I've also ised Insure and Go.
Lucky u with getting spolit on Valwntines ngt what musical are you foing to see?

Glad all ok, u take care xx

Crap_with_money.com

mum2one wrote: »

I'm here, doing a bit missinf a bit as they say, quiet xmas dd wasnt well, but we escaped after new yr went down Devon for 5 days gd break.
Is it ur engagement noticed £15.00 allocated -
Travel ins - try Quidco, AA is pretty competative with prices or I've also ised Insure and Go.
Lucky u with getting spolit on Valwntines ngt what musical are you foing to see?

Glad all ok, u take care xx

Ha ha - no not my engagement - don't say that too loudly! The boyf just might keel over!! It's a friend of a friend, I've known her for about 8 years now, although in saying that I only really see her maybe 4/5 times per year, just with it being an engagement kinda feels like I need to get something - and what can you really get for much cheaper than that? Although - My first port of call will defo be halfcost!

That's a shame DD was ill - seems to have been so many people down with chest infections etc!! Hope she's feeling better now? Were you visiting people in Devon - or was it just a wee break? Sounds good either way - it's good to get some time away sometimes!!

Yeah I am lucky, he's a total sweetheart!! We pretty much always split things 50/50 (I'm just not comfortable with the idea of other people spending money on me! ) But he's got this idea into his head, that it's his "job" to spoil me on valentines!! We're going to see Blood Brothers - been wanting to see it for ages - so V excited! :T

Thanks for the advice re: travel ins - I'll have a look tomorrow!! Too tired tonight!

xx