It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

Bargain_Rzl

Hi Sarah,Sorry you and OH are not going to be able to live together. If this is going to mean you have to rehome the dogs anyway, have you considered rehoming them and moving into a smaller place, e.g. a little rented 1-bed flat (perfectly big enough for a couple with a baby - a few of my neighbours are in 1-bed accommodation with a small child). Then at least you could be together...

One of my good friends has just been made redundant - this is awful for her as she will basically be unemployable due to a catalogue of health problems which mean she's got a terrible absence record, isn't physically able to work full time, and is unpredictable/unreliable as to when she is and isn't fit for work. She had so wanted to avoid giving up work and going onto IB, but it's going to be unavoidable now She can't afford to pay her rent even if she gets housing benefit, so she's also going to have to move back in with her parents, who have moved a considerable distance away, so she'll be miles away from the only area she's ever lived in.

I'm really starting to feel guilty that I am - so far - doing OK out of this recession. My job should be safe (touch wood) and my mortgage payments are dropping each month...

Bargain_Rzl

Aaargh, sorry for lack of paragraphs in previous post... My company's put weird internet security settings in place because of the issue with Internet Explorer, and it seems to have screwed up my use of the return key on MSE!

[Deleted User]

Sarah, daddies need to bond with their babies in order to get the lifelong attachment otherwise the feeling of overwhelming love might be missing for ever. You can never ever get the first weeks back so my suggestion is that you take your mum and dad up on their kind and thoughful offer.

Your dogs should now take a back seat but I understand that you won`t know what I mean just yet. You will when your baby is born, believe me

Pitlanepiglet

Sarah in my view you don't really have much choice. Your priority has to be your baby and IMO that involves her Dad being there for her, for you and for him. Yes it's sad to have to re-home the dogs but what is more important your child or your dogs? I know that is harsh but that's the reality of adult life and right now you're getting a crash course in how manky it can be.

Having seen your posts on other parts of the forum I don't really understand why you don't chose to rent somewhere so that you can all be together, with the option of getting housing benefit if your OH gets made redundant. He seems to make pretty good money (£20k?) so if you were careful (BTW why do you have a full Sky movie package if you are skint?) . I'm not prone to suggesting that people put themselves in a position where they are reliant on benefits but the system is there to help people who are made redundant if you are renting you would qualify for assistance if your OH is made redundant and couldn't find other work.

You seem to be putting yourself in the position where you have to move in with your family alone with the baby - I wonder if this is in some way you doubting your relationship and your ability to cope with the baby so trying to legitamise a decision whereby you and the baby move home alone but whilst being able to claim that it wasn't your choice? I might be well off the mark but it does seem an odd thing to engineer given your situation?

Good luck to you, you've got some difficult decisions to make but in my view the baby should be your immediate priority, not your dogs and not your future wish to buy a house.

purpleivy

Have you heard the expression 'you can't please all the people all of the time'. IMO you shouldn't even try at the moment. Whatever is right for your health and happiness and baby's is most important.

happytails

Pitlanepiglet wrote: »

Having seen your posts on other parts of the forum I don't really understand why you don't chose to rent somewhere so that you can all be together, with the option of getting housing benefit if your OH gets made redundant .

Hi, I really would rather move back in with parents (as a couple) for many reasons. 1)if OH looses his job and we have to depend on HB etc - we wouldnt be able to afford anything (let alone save) - moving in with parents also enables him to do driving lessons so he can travel further afield to the jobs where wage is higher his skill can easily bring in 35k but travel is an issue.
2)I have borderline depression and i am terrified of it getting worse and my Mum is too so she wants to keep an eye on me and help me out if i do get PND or anything.
3)We can save properly (we didnt the first time and everything went tits up) - and i know ive been getting stick on the benefits forum (i dont want to commit fraud - before anyone asks, i just asked whose salaries my benefit will go off - so i can work out what i am expected to get, not claim as a single mum when i am not (another story))

This decision has already been made in my head - move in with parents and take OH with me, i want more than anything for him to be there with his Daughter, i fear my depression will come back if we were apart too (mum thinks same). I just wanted to see what you lot think - giving up my dogs is going to be hard for me but when i look back and know that i did it for my daughter and her happiness it will be worth the heartache.

My daughter is already my priority (although i dont always see it) she is the reason we are kicking ourselves into gear instead of just plodding along living in our overdraft (cant afford to pay it off), living in an awful mould/damp ridden house never knowing if we will be able to live next month if OH looses his job.

The amount of stress i have been carrying since i lost my job in OCT is unbearable and to make things worse one of my guinea pigs died last night ((RIP)). I just think the weight off our shoulders and being able to save is going to be a good thing, and we can focus on our daughter together without worry which will be great.

Sarah

[Deleted User]

Ahhh, Sarah. You have made the decision and good and wise it is too. Now surround yourself with your family`s love. I feel that they want to cacoon you and keep you safe. Your stress will go once you are living there

Pitlanepiglet

happytails wrote: »

2)I have borderline depression and i am terrified of it getting worse and my Mum is too so she wants to keep an eye on me and help me out if i do get PND or anything.

Rightho, that makes it all make more sense, it did seem to me that there was something emotional rather than financial driving the decisions that you were making.

On that basis I think you've made your decision then haven't you? Find your doggies some lovely homes with people who have time and space to love and care for them, all of you move in with your parents and get yourselves sorted?

BTW - don't let your parents push you into things will you? Your mum might be worried about you but you are a big girl and I'm sure you can and will cope and stand on your own feet

purpleivy

Pitlanepiglet is right. You will sooooo appreciate having OH there to protect you and help voice your needs and opinions in the time after you have had Baby. Even just basic stuff like 'I think Sarah would like to rest, dear, wouldn't you?'

happytails

Thanks for the support. We have made our decision and have found one of our dogs a lovely home so far :rolleyes:.

Going to need a hell of a lot of support from everyone i know and with that i know we will pull through. Handed in our notice today to our landlady and we leave 18th Jan so got to get everything sorted by then too.

Sarah