stepson change of living arrangements after a divorce settlement

wigginsmum

I fully understand your reasons, Rainee; it's not that you're being selfish, you're being sensible. Chances are he wouldn't be happy with you anyway and would make all your lives a misery, so let the social services find somewhere for him, and let your OH be the one to arrange it. You should stay out of it as much as possible.

Jules

rainee

thanks Jules its nice to know like the rest of the family are singing the same song!
we'll see what tonight brings!

piptiddlepip

I agree that the lad must be very confused and upset, but he's confusing and upsetting everyone else as well, and two wrongs don't make a right...

How can he say "no way" to going to a new school? If he wants to live with you he goes to the school his father chooses. End of. If I'd attempted to dictate to my parents which school I wanted to go to I'd have got a swift clip across the backside, but everyone these days tries to be "down with the kids" instead of setting firm rules for them.

Savvy_Sue

He should already have a social worker because he's been family fostered. Although I recognise that he may not have one. His school should know, although they've probably broken up by now. But the local social services would be worth contacting. Maybe fostering near his dad would be worth considering? (Although going back to his old school sounds like VERY wishful thinking, typical of a teenager!)

rainee

Hi sue very interesting about having a social worker
we did have one but of course left to have a baby never to return so we are back on a bank system so have no point of contact (that is with 2 disabled children) I am praying we dont have a family crises like we had last year when i was in hospital for 4 weeks!!

Savvy_Sue

rainee wrote:

Hi sue very interesting about having a social worker
we did have one but of course left to have a baby never to return so we are back on a bank system so have no point of contact (that is with 2 disabled children) I am praying we dont have a family crises like we had last year when i was in hospital for 4 weeks!!

While it's worth contacting your own social services to discuss the situation, my suggestion was really to talk to your stepson's social worker. As I say, he SHOULD have one, at least I think he should have, but Social Services might not have known he was living with his stepsister. However, it's worth trying to find out. They may not be much help, but at the very least you are making them aware of the situation, and this is a child 'at risk', I'd say. What's he going to do if he doesn't get his own way? An 'outsider' working in his best interests - as a good social worker should - might be helpful.

chardonnay_2

this whole situation sounds really sad and stressful for you all especially at this time of year. to me the best option seems to be to offer your step son a trial of you all living together, but with set ground rules. i agree with the others that he can't dicate what school he goes to, especially as it will take too much time and money to do it. try offerring him the choice between two local schools for example. the other rules must be that he treats all members of the family with respect and all name calling etc will not be accepted. hope this helps

rainee

we are begining to think we are being taken for a ride......
he clammed up again on instant messages last night he was more interested in 'his school' than anything else. The answer on that front was no we just cannot commute him not even via central london
if we cannot get hold of his mother/sister and he refuses to provide the details we can do no more.
other half still has the horrid migraine too much stress

wigginsmum

Given that the only info you seem to have received is from him (not the mother or sister), I think you may be right. If you did manage to get in touch with either of them, you might hear a very different story indeed to what he's told you. It's possible he's not being kicked out at all, just using that as an emotional lever to try and get his own way.

Jules

rainee

hi jules this could be one almighty worry over nothing
his nanna has decided she will get in touch with social services tomorrow she has had enough as well