stepson change of living arrangements after a divorce settlement

rainee

another twist in the tale last night he refused to talk about it at all ???
if he wont talk to his dad how can we help him?
is this a ploy to upset us all ?

elona

Is there no way your fiance can talk to the stepsister and find out why she kicked him out?

If there are problems with drink, drugs etc you need to know before you consider bring the lad into a position where he can ill treat younger and more vulnerable children.

The boy knows how to contact his mother but will not tell the father!

If you did spend £25000 on a conversion I doubt if he would stay for long enough to make it worth it.

Somehow your fiance needs to talk to all involved.

rainee

my fiance is worried it appears reading between the lines that there has been some arguement between the son and step sister
the son has received his christmas present from his mother £10......
is he trying to get more out of us???
oh well better get to bed.....

mummysaver

Hi rainee, what an awful situation for all of you. 14 year old boys are difficult even at the best of times and tend to find it hard to see anyone's point of view except their own, but he does need to realise that you and your oh will need to speak to his mother to discuss his living arrangements, she may not even know where he is! Your poor fiance must also be very stressed about his son and how he can help in an impossible situation. And poor old you, we all want to help others, but it seems that you have misgivings about how he will behave towards your children given his past comments, this must be so difficult.

Is there any way that you can speak to his step sister, obviously he won't be keen to give you her telephone number if he's done something terrible, but it may just be a case of her not being able to cope with a teenager.

His mother definitely needs to be involved, and Social Services will hopefully want to speak to her if she is legally responsible for her son's welfare and has seemingly let him wander about the country unchecked, and will mediate between you all to reach some kind of decision about your step son's living arrangements.

It sounds as though he is very unsettled, first moving to his sister then wanting to return to you but attend a school miles away, he's going to have to realise that sadly things aren't as they were, and everything has changed and that includes him, and that more change may yet be necessary.

Well done for thinking about how to help this boy, a conversion to your home seems a bit extreme, but at least it shows that you are thinking of him. I can only suggest getting some kind of third party involved, probably social services, as important decisions need to be made by everyone - you, your fiance, your step son and his mother.

Good luck with everything.

rchddap1

Sounds like he's a bit of a handful. If he won't talk to your fiance (ie, his Dad) about it, and won't give out any contact details (so that you can work out what on earth is going on) then there is nothing that anyone can do to help him....except social services of course.

The step sister sounds like a good angle....but only if you have her contact details (and if she'll let on what is going on of course)

rainee

well what another night!
other half has been in the bath all night with a very bad migraine over it.
his son upset us last night asking for money. We made a joke that we would give him some (his mother sent £10 for christmas ) so we would transfer £11 on top of the presents i posted yesterday. Well he went off on one. I'm afraid this was the final straw. we were 2nd choice/2nd best as he was given the chance to move in when the divorce went through and the financial arrangements made months ago.
We worked it out to get him to his old school it would take 4 hours plus a day and over £100 per week on petrol. something we dont just have and would mean my two couldn't do some of their out of school activities which would be very upsetting for them.
i think a phone call to social services might be in order. This is too much to cope with.
The oldest last weekend had a long weekend at his restbite house which was a treat but totally mucked up by a son who seems to think of himself.
I feel awful about saying it but what can I do

mummysaver

Oh rainee, I do feel for you. But try to imagine how your step son feels, completely unanchored I imagine, yes a lot is his own fault, yes he is a pain, yes he can make like really difficult for you and your children, but at the end of the day he is only a child himself, whatever he may think. I think that a call to social services would be for the best, at least they could then try to sort out a solution and get his mum involved - where on earth is she, have you still not heard from her, has your step son heard from her, or is the £10 the only contact he's had with her?

Make that call and get some help, all this stress is going to make things worse for everyone, and the longer it goes on the harder it will all be to sort out.

rainee

we think she has
other half sent a message to her mobile phone or last known one and whilst he was on im to his dad he said him mum had rung!!!
what a mess I dont want him to think we have let him down.

Lady_S

I am probably going to sound like a complete !!!!!, but I feel really sorry for this lad. He is only a child and it appears no one actually wants him around. At the end of the day he has two parents and they should be working together to make arrangments for him.

rainee

the trouble is Lady S is that the mother stood up in court and stated that she would provide a home for him (although unknown to us that it had already been decided that he would move back up north with his step sister) which is why the financial settlement was so little for my other half.
we are now being asked to make my home available (which if i had the space not a problem) but he wants to go back to his old school some 100 miles away.
It appears that he has made a mistake but i've got the point where i am the wicked stepmother and putting my two disabled children first (this is very unlike me)
I might sound very bitter but with my little funds how can i fund an additional bedroom and all the travelling and the time.....
My eldest son requires help at night so i end up trying to catch up some sleep during the day when they are at school. I am not sure if i could cope with a teenager
at least i am putting my hands up and saying no
if he wanted to go to a school around here that would take some of the pressure off but he has stated no way
if we get social services involved he'll blame us if we do nothing he'll blame us its a no win situation