Childminder is pregnant.

mum_to_izzy

My childminder (who is also a friend of mine) has today told me she is pregnant, 13weeks. She looks after my daughter 2days a week.

My first concern is midwife appointments & scan appointments. This may sound silly but firstly, I don't want my daughter to hear someone elses baby's heartbeat, I want the first time she will hear a baby's heart beat, or see it on a scan to be my baby - does that sound selfish? Secondly, my daughter is always catching any bug that goes, I don't want her to wait in a doctors surgery or hospital if unecessary. My Father is willing to look after her while she attends these appointments, do I still pay her?

Secondly, when she has the baby she is planning no time off. Literally have the baby and continue childminding. I have concerns over this, biggest concern that her main attention will be elsewhere and my daughter will not receive the care she currently receives. She also has a nearly 3yr old that is quite a handful. Would anyone else be concerned, or again am I over reacting?

I really appreciate any views over this, I'm a single parent with not many friends, so no one really to talk to.

Maisie11

Could I ask whether you are happy with your childminder?

Would it be easy to get another one?

Does your daughter bond with her?

Good childcare is not to be given up lightly.

I think it is a little self indulgent to say that you dont want your daughter to hear another women's baby's heartbeat. So you would give up a good childminder for this reason?

I have a fantastic childminder but of course she has other children to look after at the same time as my son. In fact he was the youngest for quite a while. Now a new baby has appeared but I wouldnt dream of being miffed at that. It is good for children not to be the centre of anyones life.

I do think you are overeacting - sorry

Oldernotwiser

mum_to_izzy wrote: »

My first concern is midwife appointments & scan appointments. This may sound silly but firstly, I don't want my daughter to hear someone elses baby's heartbeat, I want the first time she will hear a baby's heart beat, or see it on a scan to be my baby - does that sound selfish? reacting?

.

Not selfish, just rather strange!

surreysaver

Get a male childminder.

whitewing

My views in bold below:

mum_to_izzy wrote: »

My first concern is midwife appointments & scan appointments. This may sound silly but firstly, I don't want my daughter to hear someone elses baby's heartbeat, I want the first time she will hear a baby's heart beat, or see it on a scan to be my baby - does that sound selfish?

It's understandable. As a single working mum, I dreamt of a happy family life with a husband/maybe a baby. And you feel that you are missing out on so many firsts... in reality, it is unlikely that your daughter will remember if she does go. Yours will still be most special as it would be someone related to her.

She may not have appointments on the days your daughter is there?

Secondly, my daughter is always catching any bug that goes, I don't want her to wait in a doctors surgery or hospital if unecessary. My Father is willing to look after her while she attends these appointments, do I still pay her?

If your father will have her, and that's what you want, then there is no problem with that. Don't know about paying, guess you may if it's not too frequent and she's a friend (and you're getting help with childcare costs).

Secondly, when she has the baby she is planning no time off. Literally have the baby and continue childminding. I have concerns over this, biggest concern that her main attention will be elsewhere and my daughter will not receive the care she currently receives. She also has a nearly 3yr old that is quite a handful. Would anyone else be concerned, or again am I over reacting?

As your daughter is two days a week, I think it will probably be okay. Your daughter may enjoy helping with baby. My view is it is not worth worrying too much, but just see how it goes and if it doesn't work out, maybe try something else then.

I really appreciate any views over this, I'm a single parent with not many friends, so no one really to talk to.

clairec79

She has to take some time off, it's illegal to be employed for the first 2 weeks after giving birth and I suspect this applies to working on a self employed basis as well.

Smickan

On the appointment attending side - I don't know if it's just me but I wouldn't take anyone elses children unless it was an absolute emergency and I'd schedule them so as they were on days I didn't have the other child.

nottslass_2

It might be worth you giving ofsted a ring re the childminder continuing to work immediately after she has the baby - They probably have their own rules with regard to this.

MrsTinks

I think you are over reacting a little... OK the heartbeat thingy... I'd never have thought about that, as in letting a younger child hear it... then again I haven't even heard Beans yet as I have a rubbish midwife so I guess I might not appreciate that one
Your childminder has your daughter 2 days a week - there is every chance that her appointments won't be on those days. If they are then you can either get your dad to mind your daughter or let her be taken along - being exposed to as many bugs as possible will help her imune system unless she has a deficiency and can't build a resistance... This really wouldn't worry me to be honest - she's far more likely to be exposed to bugs going with you to the shops in all honesty...

If your childminder is good with your daughter now then I don't see why she'd be any less good when the new baby arrives to be honest... I mean if you don't want your daughter to see her breastfeed then ok fair do, I get that, but from the horror stories I've heard then a good childminder you trust is worth her weight in gold!

MrsTinks

nottslass wrote: »

It might be worth you giving ofsted a ring re the childminder continuing to work immediately after she has the baby - They probably have their own rules with regard to this.

I know by law in any job you HAVE to take 2 weeks maternity after the baby arrives.

edit - sorry just seen claire already posted that

Nicki

I can understand why your upset. It sounds like you and your daughter have a really close relationship with this woman, and I can completely understand that you feel having a baby is an intimate experience that you want to share with your daughter first, before she goes through it with someone else.

That being said, given that she is a close friend, and given that you say you don't have many other close friends IRL is this something that you could work through? In other words, could you acknowledge that you are sad and disappointed that it won't be you first, but manage to cope with the fact that another female who is close to your DD will be sharing this time with her. Even if she isn't taking your DD to the antenatal appointments as she gets bigger particularly when she is snuggled up with your DD reading for example, your DD will be seeing and feeling the baby kicking, and seeing your friends belly grow. If you do stick with the childminder, you'll need to be comfortable with all this, even if the antenatal thing isn't an issue.

The other thing to bear in mind is that it may be hard for your friend to work right up to her due date. What will you do, if she has to stop work a few months before hand if she has say high blood pressure or if she is ordered to have bed rest at any point in the pregnancy. What if she goes into labour while your daughter is there? As others have said, she'll need at least a few weeks off after the birth, and maybe more if she has a c section and would struggle to manage a 3 year old. Can you cope if her ability to look after your child is disrupted at short notice?

I suspect you need to think carefully about things for a few more weeks. If you do decide to change childminders try and do it in a way which preserves your friendship with this one. If you keep with her, try to resolve to be happy whatever inconveniences the pregnancy throws your way.

Good luck.