Volunteer in school made my life hell 3 years ago.. advice.

Savvy_Sue

There's a part of me which thinks it might be worth letting your children go to the breakfast club, and seeing what happens. If there is the slightest element of unprofessional behaviour on her part, either to you or to your children, it's likely that it will be witnessed, and both the Club and the school will then be able to act.

Obviously you should tell the Club before your children start that you have some concerns, and ask them to be extra aware of her behaviour towards your own and other children. But if you really don't think she is a suitable person to care for children, those who are assessing her need to see it too.

How recent was the latest name calling, out of interest?

[Deleted User]

I think that's a very good idea.

The name calling was about 2 months ago, just the usual, I was walking on the oppersite side of the road and she shouted s**g.

She often comes into the yard with one of the other mums and stand close enough for me to be uncomfortable, but not too close,

It's not so much what she says but she'll whisper in her mates ear, look at me and laugh very loud and over the top, it's all very school girlish, but I know its aimed at me, and as I was bullied at school also it just makes me feel so small, does that make sense, I always move away.

SL x

Sarahjovi

Hi,

I really think you need to get some evidence of her behaviour, to back up your claims. Chances are she bullies someone else too! A witess would also help you.

Sarah:D

tsstss7

Personally I think that if this women is still calling you names in the street then I doubt that she has changed or sees any need to - I myself would have an indepth discussion with the head (or person in charge of the breakfast club) to let them know the situation and that it seems that this is still an ongoing situation (albeit less aggressive since you moved house).

I would suggest that in the very least your chilren are not to be left alone with this women at any time....If they sugggest that they cannot accomodate you in this way then I would tell them of your intention to look for alternate morning child care EG a local child minder, and then do so.

[Deleted User]

Thank you.

I'm going to discuss it with the head asap, I think I have no choice. I'm not going in to ask for her removal but out it to him, what does he suggest.

I see this person as nothing more than a bully and it saddens me to think as an adult I can still be bullied, although what I had to endure is so much worse than the odd name calling i put up with now.

Life's never simple is it.

SL x

KellyWelly

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Coming at this from the POV of someone who used to help run out of school childcare, albeit separate from the school, I have to say I'd be fairly put out if parents started telling me who I could and could not use to staff the club on particular days. And I'd be extremely reluctant to tell a staff member they had to change the day on which they volunteered, especially if I had not had any 'issues' with or concerns about this person.

Besides which, has there been any evidence of inappropriate behaviour recently, ie since she started helping out at this school?

People DO change, they DO come off drugs, they DO turn their lives around. I don't know whether this person has or not, and I can understand that you don't trust her AT ALL, and never will be able to, but it might be seen as you waging a personal vendetta against her. I haven't re-read the whole thread to see when you last had any problems, but she may be as embarrassed as you are worried by the situation.

As an organiser, if you made me aware of a problem like this I would have done my best to reassure of the care we took of children, and I'd have kept a very beady eye upon this person, BUT I think I might, reluctantly, have had to say to you that if you had a problem with a staff member / volunteer that it was YOUR problem if you felt you couldn't use the club on a day that person was working.

I don't expect this to be a popular point of view, but it can be hard enough getting the right ratio of helpers to children without having to worry about personal disagreements between helpers and parents.

Also, if she's there as a volunteer additional to the staff:child ratio the club leader could probably ensure that your children were always under the direct supervision of someone else.

I've had another thought: I know she is no longer your neighbour, but I wonder if mediation would help you resolve your remaining issues with her? It might at least help you work out whether she's changed or not. I don't know if this site will help at all.

to make it clear, I was still typing when kellywelly posted, but that is a different situation in that there is an ongoing, 'live' 'neighbour from hell' issue.

Hi Savvy Sue,

I think the OP has said the situation/abuse is ongoing so it is a 'live' issue. As well as that, she did say that there had been police involvement so my main concern had actually been that this hadn't come up in the discretionary additional info on the CRB. I am actually incredulous at this because I personally know of a qualified teacher who had problems with his CRB where an allegation was printed on the additional info that the police investigated and then actually cautioned the accuser for wasting police time because it was a complete fabrication. The police still printed it and even then it had factual errors - afaik it's actually still on there even after asking for it to be removed and the teaching union getting involved. It caused the teacher a great deal of trouble and he had issues with registering with the teaching council etc.

I don't think it's an issue of her telling them who they can and cannot employ in school, this is a case where a new person has come into the school who should not be there and the children currently and previously there should be considered first, not this woman. I wouldn't consider it a personal issue - I would say this woman is a criminal. Swearing in the street is a criminal act and bullying and abusing somebody in their own home is criminal, not to mention vile and immoral. Even without the police involvement and the criminality, this woman is not a suitable role model for the children in the school and I question the standards of the school that would allow adults of this kind to work there.

Anyway - I have been working in a school as a volunteer for 3 years now and I have to say I know for a fact that our head wouldn't entertain the idea of allowing anyone with any shadow or doubt on their character into the school. We are always short of help and I know of two parents who have been turned away (because they told me) and they were for trivial things (imho) - nothing like violence or abuse. I'm also married to a teacher and know he would never allow anyone with a blemish on their character come into his department.

My opinion is that the children are the most important consideration in the equation. This woman has directly abused this family and is still doing so. It doesn't matter what situation or difficulty it would leave the school or breakfast club in to lose a volunteer - the children and their safety and security are the primary concern. What about the mental health and wellbeing of those children having to see this woman? She obviously disturbs the OP who is a grown woman - imagine how frightened and unsettled they must be to have to be around this woman who has been given power and authority over them!! I would say that to allow this woman to continue in the school and breakfast club when there are documented issues with her behaviour and character is very foolish to say the least from a legal and ethical perspective and if I was the parent I would be kicking bums and taking names (so to speak ).

[Deleted User]

Thank you Kellywelly for your post.

I agree with all of what you are saying, however, the head seems to see this as a personal issue between me and this woman. I have tried to give him as much information as possible without making it look like I am out for some kind of revenge against this person ( which i must stress i am not, it is not in my nature and not my intention). Unfortunatly, the head only reminded me that the main problems were 3 years ago and a person can change, that all her paperwork is in order, and they have had no problems with her in school. all of which i can take on board.

In regards to my calling the police, no action was ever taken as they often just came out to tel her to stop her behaviour, I'm not sure it was taken seriously at all, even though at the time I had to sneak out of my house when she wasn't looking or outside to ensure i didn't encounter a barage (sp) of abuse and threats. I must stress she never physically touched me, even though there were threats of that manner.

I think I am hitting a block in regards to the school. I've been told by breakfast club her help is hit and miss and that they will ensure no one on one contact occurs, for me, this is not good enough.

The reason my children attend this club is I am a student and I need to attend a lecture, I am studying Social Work and am hoping my tutors can may be a little more helpful and allow me to come into the lecture late, or switch to another timetabled lecture ( if there is one) I am hoping due to the nature of my course, my tutors will be receptive to the issues i face with leaving my children.

I understand that most of the problems do stem back 3 years and the odd bit of name calling is not a big thing to some people. However to me it is, I do just ignore now and will be keepig a note of anything new that happens in case i need it.

This person is supposed to be going into primary teaching, and I do think she is the most unsuitable person for this area of career choice.

My children are not happy she is there, but the head teacher has kept to his word and she has had no contact with them and they have been re assured by me that she poses no threat to them, however should i really need to re assure my children they will be safe at school???

I am going write a strong worded letter on all of this to the head and will make it clear i feel my childrens physical and emotional welfare should be paramount in this instance, but I do understand where he is coming from, however I add that if there is one more instance of bullying of any nature ( ie to them and me) even out of school I will be seeking her instant removal from school. As for breakfast club, I'll be discussing my problems with it with my tutors on Thursday.

Thank you all

SL x

Nicki

Sallylizzie wrote: »

, however I add that if there is one more instance of bullying of any nature ( ie to them and me) even out of school I will be seeking her instant removal from school.
SL x

But that's not for you to decide, and if I were a headteacher and got this, I'd be mightily tee-d off. Parents can't get teachers or assistants or volunteers sacked, as their relationship is with the headteacher and the school and its his decision what to do with them not the parents.

If you must say anything like this, you'd be far better off saying that you have made the school aware of this woman's behaviour towards both you and your children, and if there is any repetition of it on school premises you will immediately call the police to attend at the school without reference to the Head, and also reserve your right to bring civil proceedings against the school should any harm come to your children at her hands.

Sarahjovi

Perhaps you could try a different approach. You say this lady still intimidates you in the school playground, and she probably gets some sort of satisfaction from seeing your worried expression when she looks at you smiles and then laughs with her friend. Maybe instead of looking worried, smile back in a knowing sort of way! This will then worry her, and you know what they say, given enough rope, she should hang herself. (i.e show her true colours, hopefully in front of enough people.) It may take sometime, but whilst your creeping away to stand somewhere else, she got the upper hand. You need to take the upper hand and show her your not going to be intimidated. Take your time and do it gradually, building some confidence. No need to say anything to her, just ignore her!

I know its all easier said than done, but its worth a try! It suprising how bullies back down when they're up against a brick wall! (So to speak).

Sarah

[Deleted User]

Thank you Sarahjovi.... I think you're right, i never really looked at it from that point of view...

Nicki ( sorry don't know how to multi quote :-)) I do see what you're saying, but from my point of view, IF something happens ( and there's no saying it will ) how can I not ask for this person to be removed, what other choice would i have, move my children?? or keep them in a place where a person who is in such a position as her, be allowed to behave in this manner and still be allowed to continure her placement.

Although I take on board, should it happen and i involve the police the head would have to re consider her position. Although I am unlikey to call the police because of verbal name calling, iykwim.

To be honest, since the name calling several months ago there has been nothing, maybe she has thought about the implications it may have on her if she continues with this type of behavior.

I guess the main issue for me atm is that she can still intimidate me by her presence, and my children, especially my older boy, can still remember the instances that caused us to move home because of her.

SL x