Volunteer in school made my life hell 3 years ago.. advice.

[Deleted User]

Basically, 3 years ago I had to move as my neighbour made my life hell, verbal abuse, eggs at my door, abusive to me and my children, the list is long. Nothing ever got done by the police as it wasn't serious enough if you know what I mean, but basically she bullied me so bad ( I think because she saw me as a snob, she called it me enough times). I had just moved to this totally new area after leaving an abusive relationship, so i found her behaviour very difficult to deal with

Thinknig about it now even 3 years later makes my heart race. Anyway I was forced to move (it was a rented house).Well imagine my surprise when i went to pick up my children from school today and she was there, as a volunteer in my youngest DD class.

I nearly had a panic attack, i know that may sound dramatic, but thats the affect she had on me. I had to sit in the staff room as it was noticed I was visably shaken.

I explained to the head masters sec that this woman had bullied me and in the past and as a result I had to move home, I did not want her around my children.
She said she would pass on my concerns to the head and he would be in touch. This was only at 3.20 today so obviously he hasn't had time to call today.

I really could do with any advice on how to handle this, Do i call him before taking my children to school, do i insist on seeing him before I leave them, do I have any rights to say anything at all.

I do know for sure, i do not want this woman around my children, nor do i want her left alone with them. ( I was a volunteer at the school and I was allowed to take children off to isten to them read).

Please any advice would be greatful

SL x

andyrules

What an awful situation. I believe there are people who for some reason or other set out to make another's life a misery, and it must have been bad for you to move. I wouldn't want her near my children either.

Things in schools have changed recently though, unless she has a crb she will not be allowed to take children off alone - however, that said the reality is that teachers don't have the time to police their volunteers' every movement. I wonder if she has had any other complaint raised about her to the police? Depending on what, she will find it difficult to get clearance. Your head may not be aware of this yet if she is new.

Yes, you do have rights as a parent, and I would call and ensure you can see him first thing. It may be that the sec hasn't yet had chance to pass the message, in which case you can explain just how bad it was. Give the school chance to make their decisions and be proactive before you consider anything else. As a temporary measure, I would request that the woman does not have any direct contact with your DD, (ie hears her read, works with her group) there is no need in the short term.

milliebear00001

If she's volunteering in a school then she will almost certainly have had an enhanced CRB check done. That rules out any come-back in terms of other reports about her. I would suggest you ring early tomorrow and explain the seriousness of your concerns. Explain you want to see the Head urgently as it's a protection issue as far as you are concerned. Explain in details your concerns due to past history. It may be that the owman will be moved to another class, but you are unlikely to be able to get her removed from the school completely. You can of course insist that your daughter is not to work with her without another adult present (or at all if you prefer).

Good luck.

belfastgirl23

I'd say try to rehearse what you say to the head too. It's very easy in a situation like this for the head to draw the conclusion that you are as bad as each other and you need to present yourself as very calm and reasonable. Ideally too you need to keep your point very short. You have an unpleasant history with this woman, she was a very difficult neighbour (have one or two examples if he asks, otherwise don't offer) and you ended up having to move house so you could remove yourself and your children from the situation in order to protect them. You have real concerns around your childrens safety and want to protect them from any more upset and you would really appreciate it if the head could ensure that this woman was not in the same class as them. I would also add that it is up to him whether he feels comfortable with her dealing with other children.

He may very well try to press you about how it was dealt with by police etc but I wouldn't get into too many details, I would just keep reiterating the points above until he got the message. Above all don't get into criticising the police and other agencies, just acknowledge that they were not able to deal with the problem and move on.

I really hope this works out for you. If you don't get a resolution there and then the best thing is to tell him that you think you need to consider your options at this point but above all REMAIN CALM. If you get angry or upset you'll lose points....

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

ailuro2

Well now's your chance to let all her tyres down....revenge being a dish served cold etc...:p

Seriously, get along to some self defence based martial arts classes for you and the kids, your self confidence has taken a battering and you really need to do something about that, whether this woman is volunteering in school or not... are her kids at this school too, now, is that why she's volunteering?

fwiw parents are encouraged to help in our school the first few years, only in the classroom along with the teacher and classroom assistant, an extr pair of hands to help with crafts ,painting etc. but nothing was ever mentioned about getting anyone CRB checked, as it was on a roat basis they were only there once in a term.

[Deleted User]

Thank you all for your advice.
I am worried about school today, but will take your advice and call before taking the children in. I'm sure keeping calm will not be a problem as usually when I talk about the words get stuck in my throat.

I really hope the head takes my concerns on, he has no reason not to so I'm hopeful I can stop this woman being around my children.

Again thank you for your advice.

SL x

Krystaltips

Good luck Sallylizzie, I kind of know how you feel having suffered with terrible neighbours for a couple of years... I would be horrified if I found them in DD's school.

I really hope the head is reasonable and takes appropriate action for you.

[Deleted User]

Hi everyone,
just wanted to update you.

I spoke to head this morning. I explained what had happened and he took my concerns on board. He explained she wasn't a volunteer at the school but doing a 1 day placement there from a local college.

He said that all her references etc were fine, however, he pointed out references are only half the picture. He said that she had been very good in school and had no reason to ask her not to do her placement at my childrens school ( I DID NOT ask him to consider this) but he would ensure my children did not come into contact with her or be left alone with her.

He then suggestedhim talking to her about it. I nealry fell off my chair!!! told him that often I see her in our local town and often get abused by her, so that was the LAST thing I wanted. He then agreed not to.

He said he could see how distressing I found this and totally understood my concerns,

I feel so much better for talking to him, and although I'm relieved she won't come in to contact with my family, it makes me concered that she obviously wants to work with children, hence the placement, and that people like this do slip the net due to people only seeing one side of people iykwim.
I no you can't police everything, but it made me think.

Again, thank you to everyone for replying to my thread.

SL x

Smashing

Good to hear the school are taking your concerns seriously - their duty of care is to the children, not the childcare students.

Has your daughter said anything about her being there?

[Deleted User]

I did post a. reply but it seems to have disapeared????
It was quite long so i'll make it brief this time, in case is goes again, MSE seems to be palying up today.

My son did, he told me as soon as he came over to me in the office. This must have pricked my DD's mind as she recalled an incident whereby this woman cut my washing line down whilst I had washing on it. However i'm not sure if she actually remembers is or has just heard me talking about it. She did say, that this woman was at school so I think she remembered her but wasn't sure ( my DD is only 5 and was only a toddler at the time of the problems), so it obviously wasn't distressed like I was, which is good.

SL x

milliebear00001

So glad you got some reassurance from the Head. The main thing is that she'll be kept well away from your kids.

I know it's no consolation to you, but an enhanced CRB check (which all people working with children are subject to) should turn up even complaints made against people that never result in charges or convictions. If she abuses you again, you could suggest that she should watch her step or you will make a harassment complaint to the police. This allegation would turn up on her record every time she applied for a job with children in the future - she may not know this.