Volunteer in school made my life hell 3 years ago.. advice.

Paparika

Sallylizzie wrote: »

Hi everyone,
just wanted to update you.

I spoke to head this morning. I explained what had happened and he took my concerns on board. He explained she wasn't a volunteer at the school but doing a 1 day placement there from a local college.

He said that all her references etc were fine, however, he pointed out references are only half the picture. He said that she had been very good in school and had no reason to ask her not to do her placement at my childrens school ( I DID NOT ask him to consider this) but he would ensure my children did not come into contact with her or be left alone with her.

He then suggestedhim talking to her about it. I nealry fell off my chair!!! told him that often I see her in our local town and often get abused by her, so that was the LAST thing I wanted. He then agreed not to.

He said he could see how distressing I found this and totally understood my concerns,

I feel so much better for talking to him, and although I'm relieved she won't come in to contact with my family, it makes me concered that she obviously wants to work with children, hence the placement, and that people like this do slip the net due to people only seeing one side of people iykwim.
I no you can't police everything, but it made me think.

Again, thank you to everyone for replying to my thread.

SL x

I think its a great idea, pull her to one side and remind her what a cow she was, and if she wants a career with children she would do well to a) leave you alone b0, don't even think of starting on your kids and threaten that you will make her life hell, make it clear to her that you are stronger than when you knew her and ask her would she like to wear the shoes you used to, because one false move on her part she will be, also tell her the school knows about her pathetic behaviour and she should tread very carefully.


or.... every time you see her point at your eyes then hers (I'm watching you) this should be good to freak her out

[Deleted User]

Can I please add to my original thread.

Some of you who posted replies will know the story.

Basically, something new has come up asnd I am un sure as to what to do.

My children attend the breakfast club run by the school, and as of next week will require an extra day, the one day, I've been made, aware this girl volunteers. I NEED breakfast club and there is no one else to take my children to school.
I approached the head agian about this predicament as it meant she would be with my children for an hr before school and that this caused issues for me. He told me the breakfast club needed volunteers and there was little he could do. So..

Do I swallow it ( I really do not want this woman any where near my children) or can I insist he ask her to leave the breakfast club ( or is this un fair).

Please be honest if you think the latter, I don't mind, I just need a perspective on it that I can not find as all I want is this woman to leave the school completally.

Thank you again for any advice.

SL x

Mely

Sally...you are COMPLETELY right in not wanting this woman near your children! Arent schools about giving the best environment ,whilst you put your child into there care? Put your foot down!

[Deleted User]

Thats what I needed to find out from here, if the majority think I have the right to put my foot down ( I do but I needed support from others who weren't "involved" iykwim.

I do pay for this club, although it is a small amount and the school don't make any money from providing this breakfast club, however, I still can not leave her with my children, all be it in a safe environment surrounded by others.

Thank you Mely

SL x

Dill

If she is the sort of person that smokes pot, hurls things at your property and gets so abusive and aggro that you've had to move house to get away from her :eek: then you're quite within your rights to say you don't want her looking after your kids.

You mentioned in one of your earlier posts that you didn't go into too many details when talking to the headteacher about this, and I'm wondering if now might be the time to do that. He/she may not be aware of the extent of her behaviour and may be thinking it's just a clash of personalities?

I think I'd be inclined to write a quick note or email to the head (it's often easier to put something in writing and it's harder for them to ignore, too) saying what the problems were/are (making sure not to make any defamatory remarks of course)

Wish you luck in getting things sorted.

KellyWelly

If I were in this position, I would now do the following.

As early as possible go into the school tomorrow morning and ask to speak to the head in private. Hand him/her a letter setting out your previous discussions about the situation and where it stands now. Then go into more detail about what this woman did - you need to be specific. Write that you believe she is an unsuitable person to be working with any child/ren and that you specifically do not want her working with your children. State that you send your children to the school and associated clubs in the belief and expectation that they are in safe and secure environment and this woman's presence in the school and clubs is directly affecting the safety and security of your children who were attending the school before this woman was invited to volunteer and work there. State that the head's decision to allow her to continue working/volunteering at school despite your objections has left you with no option but to take the matter further because you believe the safety and security of your children has not been taken seriously enough.

I would hand this to him and ask him what he plans on doing because you are now in a position where you cannot trust him or the school to keep them safe and secure and you feel you have no option but to now approach the governors, LEA and the child protection team and withdraw your children from the school. You will need to CC in the govenors and the LEA and the person responsible in your local council for child safety. You might have to take some parental leave while it's all sorted out.

If she is as bad as you have said then she has no place working in the school or with children and if I was you in the same position personally I would have done this the same day as I saw her up there. I have neighbours from hell and have had to get police involvement in the past. Once I walked into my daughter's nursery and my neighbour was sat there at the table with the children. I immediately spoke to the nursery supervisor who told me this woman was lovely and previously sent her children there and was a really good mum. I told them I didn't care whether they liked her or not and that she had done X, Y, Z to us and my daughter was not be around her under any circumstance and I would be withdrawing her immediately if the woman was going to be present in the nursery at any time again. I didn't make myself any friends and they were very cold towards me for the last few months of the term before my daughter left, but frankly my daughter was more important to me than getting on with them. It wasn't easy but she wasn't ever invited in again.

Good luck.

Savvy_Sue

Coming at this from the POV of someone who used to help run out of school childcare, albeit separate from the school, I have to say I'd be fairly put out if parents started telling me who I could and could not use to staff the club on particular days. And I'd be extremely reluctant to tell a staff member they had to change the day on which they volunteered, especially if I had not had any 'issues' with or concerns about this person.

Besides which, has there been any evidence of inappropriate behaviour recently, ie since she started helping out at this school?

People DO change, they DO come off drugs, they DO turn their lives around. I don't know whether this person has or not, and I can understand that you don't trust her AT ALL, and never will be able to, but it might be seen as you waging a personal vendetta against her. I haven't re-read the whole thread to see when you last had any problems, but she may be as embarrassed as you are worried by the situation.

As an organiser, if you made me aware of a problem like this I would have done my best to reassure of the care we took of children, and I'd have kept a very beady eye upon this person, BUT I think I might, reluctantly, have had to say to you that if you had a problem with a staff member / volunteer that it was YOUR problem if you felt you couldn't use the club on a day that person was working.

I don't expect this to be a popular point of view, but it can be hard enough getting the right ratio of helpers to children without having to worry about personal disagreements between helpers and parents.

Also, if she's there as a volunteer additional to the staff:child ratio the club leader could probably ensure that your children were always under the direct supervision of someone else.

I've had another thought: I know she is no longer your neighbour, but I wonder if mediation would help you resolve your remaining issues with her? It might at least help you work out whether she's changed or not. I don't know if this site will help at all.

to make it clear, I was still typing when kellywelly posted, but that is a different situation in that there is an ongoing, 'live' 'neighbour from hell' issue.

poppet

I agree with Savvy-sue

If you push the headmaster on this issue , you run the risk of making yourself look like the trouble-maker and not her.

The school will be be reluctant to get involved and certainly wouldnt "sack" a parent volunteer because they had a faling out with a fellow parent 3 years previous.

And even if the head master did get involved and tell her that her volunteering services were no longer required ...she'd know it was because of you and wouldnt that stir up a whole load of trouble again?

susiesue_2

if as you mentioned you still get abuse when in your local town then maybe a restraining order could be put in place to include your self and your children? this would then take away any responsibility from the school and breakfast club as she would have to leave herself? only an idea??

[Deleted User]

Thank you for all your replies, I take on board all the replies. It has occurred to me that by asking the head to ask her not to help out causes me and him alot of issues, in relation to it being a voluntary position, staff ratio, the fact that it was 3 years ago, but also that she will know it has something to do with me.

Getting volunteers is hard enough without asking someone not to help on the say so of a parent.

In answer to Savy Sue, I know she's not changed and still likes to smoke because i chat to a mum at school who "smokes" and goes out with her. I really don't think mediation is a way out of this, she's just not that type of person.

I do not wish to make sterotypes, but if i was I could stereotype her in a way and you would all know the type of person i consider her to be.

So she's not the type of person who would consider mediation iykwim.

There has been no direct harrassment since I moved 3 years ago only the odd name calling from across the street if I walk past her and the usual intimidation, maybe it's not intentional, but I certainly do not feel comfortable if I have to walk past her.

I have no clue what to do. I'm not an unreasonable person, i don't intend to go in demanding she not volunteer at the breakfast club, I understand people can change, however it still leaves me with the feeling of dread when I think of her, and an even worse feeling of dread to think she will be around my children.

It's so hard to explain online but I can't describe the way she makes me feel or the kind of person I know she is.

SL x