council house overcrowding/medical, HelpPlease, im in a mess and need good advice!!!

SABJ

its sad you have a ill daughter and it must be very hard but like others have said the 19yo should accept more resposnibility or share with the little one, i have lots of family members who suffer depression and its really hard to live with and i do sympathise with you but as for wanting a bigger house dont we all !!

Nikki

I agree with re jigging the living arrangements. If your 19 y/o won't move out he'll need to get used to sharing with his little brother. What about a conservatory and using that as a living room and the living room as a bedroom? I have an autistic 13 y/o that needs his own room, this means my 10 y/o DD and 8 y/o DS have to share. It's far from ideal, but they have some where warm, clean and dry to sleep.

GracieP

I'd just like to add something I've been thinking about your oldest son moving out. I know you don't want to break the family up, but moving out is something that happens naturally when your children grow up. As I mentioned up thread I lived at home til I was 23 and in a lot of ways I regret it.

I love my parents, as most people do, but above that I respect them as people. If I wasn't related to them I'd still want to be their friend. But I lived with them for too long. The last few years we lived together were occasionally hellish as I clashed with them over just about everything. Stuff that shouldn't have bothered me in the slightest would make me fly off the handle (and vice-versa) and we'd end up having a huge screaming match. It was because I needed my independence. And as great as I thought it was to have my parents look after me I also needed to take responsibility for myself.

Once I moved out my relationship with my parents was better than ever. And even though I live in a different country now we are closer than the vast majority of people are with their parents. Parenting can sometimes be about knowing when to give your kids the push out into the world and it can be the making of a family relationship as opposed to the breaking of it.

Tiger_greeneyes

I couldn't agree more Gracie. I think the best gift a parent could give their child/ren is independence.

The 19 year old has the opportunity for his own flat - I was 26 before I could afford to move out of home as I lived in Surrey but was on a very low wage. If it wasn't for the recession in the early 90's then I'd probably still be there now!

Just because someone moves out, it's not tantamount to splitting up a family, I don't understand how that conclusion was reached? There's nothing to stop the young man - because that's exactly what he is, he's far from a little boy and has been old enough to be married for 3 years and to vote for 1 year - from going back to mums to get his washing done or Sunday dinner etc. In fact, he could be there all day every day and just go back to his flat to sleep.

As a Surrey evacuee, I have to say that I had no choice but to move right out of the area because property prices are so extreme. I get to see my family 2-3 times a year now, rather than just popping around whenever I want.

As someone has previously pointed out, there's some definite short-sightedness going on. Maybe it's panic on the OP's side that her little boy has grown up and facing fleeing the nest - they don't stay little forever and if he doesn't get the push to take this golden opportunity, she may well face just seeing him on family occasions/Christmas - if he ever wants to move out of home then he'll have to find a minimum of £150,000 or £800 rent per month for a little one bedroom flat.

I know this might come across as harsh to the OP but in all honesty, you're not doing him any favours by letting him pass up this amazing opportunity that's been offered to him.