pregnant and worried about mortgage

ginvzt

Ok, I had a quick scan on Abbey website, and I think they do holidays as well, for some of the mortgages (always worth asking). They don't say how long can you take the holidays, but if I would just give them a call and find out if this is possibility in your case. It might be just the break you need to help you out those few months.

traveller

DIVA07984 wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies

My 18 (just turned 18) is at college

And no i did not expect anyone to just GIVE me money - Cause as i stated before i have been working part-time since my last son was two years and worked on and off -childcare dependant with the other two. As for the unprotected sex bit - i have been in a relationship for 3 years - I have never had any pregnancy scares or anything since i gave birth 11 years ago.

Obviously i know what happens -and yes i was using the pill which i have been for over 11 years. Life is not perfect as you sometimes plan - i expected to be with kids dad and have help and assistance - but what i have been left to get on with it. csa have not got anyway even though i have given his address

The current situation i am not sure what will happen so i am trying to see what avenues i may have to take - bearing in mind i did it all 11 years ago which is a longtime.

I am still in shock -I am with the abbey does anyone know if they do payment holidays

Please note that i bought my house by myself to try and give my kids a better life -

Hi, It will take a while for this to sink in-don't feel rushed into anything! Where there's a will there is always a way! Subcribe to Bounty.com and netmums.I found the sites so helpful last year.What you need is support right now and you have done brilliantly so far and the fact your asking the right questions your continuing to do so!
I hope I didn't offend with the unprotected sex issue.What I meant was regardless of whether it actually was or not ,you need and are asking for help and advice.
I don't know how your kids feel, but my teenager was dead against me.Now my baby is here he won't put him down, so any negativity from the kids if you have encountered it,is short lived.Take care.

chickpea

...I'm pregnant myself and it's a VERY much wanted and planned pregnancy between myself and my husband. If you are unable to get financial commitment from this childs father then I think you should seriously consider what is best for all your children and that includes thinking about abortion....

So let me get you straight Mrs Tine - what would you do if you unexpectedly lost your job/lost your husband and your financial circumstances worsened? Abort your baby? I'm guessing not, since your, quote, 'precious bean' is 'VERY much wanted.'

So why does this baby have any less of a right to life than yours?

MrsTinks

Chickpea when did I say it had any less rights than any other baby?
I don't recall saying any such thing and frankly I don't like being accused of saying that.

As for my bean? Thanks for your obvious concern... But yes I have income protection in place for both myself and my husband so that should anything happen we have 12 months to get new jobs where we do not have to worry. But it's not me we're talking about is it?

If you don't agree with abortion then fair enough but snide and poisonous comments don't help anyone. Put together an adult argument instead of trying to twist things because you don't agree with what I have posted. I'm merely pointing out things the OP might want to consider - she is entirely free to say that this isn't for her and that is fair enough. I could go on for pages on possible scenarios how the baby might cause recentment from her and her children in years to come because it MIGHT loose her her home if she can't afford it. I'm trying to be realistic and helpful - you are entirely in your right to disagree with me but don't accuse me of saying any baby has more right than any other when I have clearly not said any such thing and frankly I find the accusation not only rude but also very pathetic.

If you notice I've also asked for a SOA several times to get some real facts looked at and put together more than theoretical help. Why? Because until we have some idea of the actual financial impact then everything else is theoretical. It may well be that the OP can manage financially with tweaks etc. If all hinges on a repayment break on the mortgage then its very plausible that this can happen - but if the shortfall is too great then returning to work parttime after the maternity isn't going to be possible and then what? Is it fair to the OP to not warn her of the possible scenario further down the line? I'm not making the choices for her - or making moral judgements though others have. I'm dealing with the situation as it is and hoping that no matter what the OP decides its an informed choice with as much information available to her as she can get. If she wants this baby then you know what? I'll be there on the DFW helping her find ways to save money, directing her to threads on how to reduce her food budget, save money on bills and others more experienced in benefits will no doubt help her get what she is entitled to. Should things go wrong I'll be there to help her and direct her with advise on debt collectors, bailiffs and so on. So thanks for judging me... Hope you feel really proud of yourself.

chickpea

Hi Mrs T - I'm just sticking up for the baby, is all!

Three of your posts suggested the OP should seriously consider abortion because she might struggle financially, and I don't think her baby is any less precious than yours or anyone else's just because she may not make the mortgage, that's all.

MrsTinks

And I never said it was any less precious either did I??
Don't try and put words in my mouth
I am suggesting it because I think it's something she should bear in mind. Not because the baby has less rights to live than any other. I know abortion is a very controversial point for many but if you don't agree with it then you know what? that's absolutely fine! I don't have an issue with that. The world would be a very boring place if we all had the same oppinions - but please don't assume that means I think it's any less "worthy" or "precious"... I've never said it was have i?
I point out what I feel should be considered - they are always going to be MY views and nothing more. Just as very obviously you are anti abortion I am pro-choice. That doesn't mean either of us are any less entitled to our views.
Stick up for the baby, I think that's great - but don't do it by throwing stones because you don't like what I have posted Be constructive: Point the OP in the directions of where she can get help, encourage her to post an SOA so we can get some real facts and plans in place for her.
I don't try and be Miss Conginiality (probably good job too!) but sometimes that means pointing out things others don't want to and things other disagree with...
OK you don't think her baby is any less precious and neither do I. Now that's settled shall we move on? I still think it's an option - the choice however remains the OPs and ONLY hers.

Peace out

chickpea

MrsTine wrote: »

..."please don't assume that means I think it's any less "worthy" or "precious"... I've never said it was have i?"

Sorry I must have misunderstood - the bit where you recommended 3 times that she should consider aborting it is what gave me that impression!

"..don't do it by throwing stones because you don't like what I have posted "..

Where was I throwing stones? I don't recall. Do you mean you think I was 'throwing stones' by disagreeing with you?!

"..Be constructive: I still think it's an option - the choice however remains the OPs and ONLY hers..."

to be honest, the OP never mentioned abortion, only you did, and the OP didn't responded to your repeated suggestions that she should consider it. So I don't think there's a choice there.
+++
My *constructive comment* would be that temporary financial hardship may be a price worth paying to give this baby a chance in life. And there ARE plenty of benefits to working single mums available, as I'm sure others will highlight.

Good luck to OP in her unexpectedly changed circumstances anyway!

tsstss7

Mrs Tine

I have to jump in here because I think what you are saying to OP is out of order. OP is fully able to make her own decisions and should not in any way be led to feel that abortion is an option she SHOULD take. Just because she is not married does not make this baby any less important than your own.

To the op have you also considered that your entitlements to working tax credits may increase during the financial year you are off for 6 -12 mths. As your declarable income will be smaller your ctc and wtc will go up. If you give them a ring they will be able to advise you about this.

MrsTinks

Fell free to PM me if you want to discuss it - I think it doesn't really need to continue on this thread does it?
I'm more than happy to have a debate but not if you insist on accusing me of not giving a choice - suggestions IS giving a choice. I am aware the OP hasn't mentioned it and that I have (several times in fact) - I am perfectly able to count too. Maybe the number of times I have posted is highlights how seriously I think it ought to be considered? It doesn't mean it's any more "correct" than you oppinion
You were "thowing stones" by outright saying that I felt this baby had less rights because I suggested the OP might not wish to carry this full term when clearly I have never said any such thing. I don't have an issue with you disagreeing with me - merely the manner in which you chose to do so.
I think you have a valid point in the "temporary financial hardship" comment - but if the mortgage company is not willing to give her a repayment holiday then this could very easily become more serious than temporary. Yes there is help available but to the tune of over £1100 a month? I don't think that is realistic. Ofcourse her employer might offer a very good maternity package and if so then great! If she can get enough benefits to pay all the bills and not risk loosing her home then again great.
If if if if - without the SOA it's ALL if's... And yes it MIGHT only be slight financial hardship for 6 or whatever months. The only real way of finding out is to look at the numbers. (I do like my SOAs... )
As I've said - regardless of the OPs choices then I or others here will be there to offer advice, help and support should she want it.
If you would like to help then why not post details of the help and benefits available to single mums working or not? I'm sure the OP would be very grateful for that I have no issue admitting I do not have much understanding other than what I have gleaned of this site over the years when it comes to benefits because I have never qualified for them. If you have then please share your knowledge - offer your advise! It can surely only help to add more facts and figures so the OP has as many if not ALL the facts infront of her? If financially this can be made viable then I think that's fantastic ofcourse I do.

Oh drat... I carried on again *sigh* Appologies to all for my waffling

OP I mean it - regardless of WHAT you decide you will always get help and support on here - if you do post the SOA it will help everyone providing you some more informed options. My oppions are only that - mine - what you choose is entirely up to you, no-one can make those choices for you and nor should they.

MrsTinks

tsstss7 wrote: »

Mrs Tine

I have to jump in here because I think what you are saying to OP is out of order. OP is fully able to make her own decisions and should not in any way be led to feel that abortion is an option she SHOULD take. Just because she is not married does not make this baby any less important than your own.

*sigh* again... WHEN I have said it's any less important than mine???
What does marital status have to do with it? I posted that I too am pregnant and that mine is very much wanted and that I am married... not that this makes it any more worthy of life than any other child?
fine I could have left that section out of my post. You're right it contributed nothing to the post so I shall remove it. But that doesn't mean my suggestion is out of order. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't make it wrong.

But I can see that everyone is taking that sentence out of context so to avoid further confusion I will remove it