pregnant and worried about mortgage

ceridwen

chickpea wrote: »

Hi Mrs T - I'm just sticking up for the baby, is all!

Three of your posts suggested the OP should seriously consider abortion because she might struggle financially, and I don't think her baby is any less precious than yours or anyone else's just because she may not make the mortgage, that's all.

Well...if you are sticking up for the baby....one little thought to bear in mind is that that baby will probably have a guilt complex for the rest of its life if it knows it wasnt "properly planned" in the first place - voice of experience time!!! Believe me - I can tell instantly when I see other peoples children whether they were "properly planned" or no - the "planned" ones are just SO much happier/more confident/etc than I could ever hope to be. If my mother had been in a position to have a legal abortion back then and had decided to do so - rather than have me - well....I could have gone on from there and been born to some other woman who did plan/want me instead...no big deal!

My own mother has never forgotten that she wasnt "planned". I was always well aware I wasnt "planned" and there have been times where I have berated myself for being so selfish and stupid as to get born to a woman who hadnt planned on having me and couldnt afford me! I've often asked myself why I "landed" myself on her and felt it was most unfair of me to have done so (NB: thats MY way of thinking - she hasnt made me feel that way!) Having had me - she then went on to do her best to bring me up properly - but it would have been nice to have been wanted in the first place.

traveller

ceridwen wrote: »

Well...it was in his case. Its still there decades later in my case. People vary. Many children will continue to feel "negative" about unwanted siblings for the rest of their life. Maybe too in your case you could afford the extra child - so your teenager accepted their sibling more readily. Divas 3 existing children are doubtless well aware that she cant afford another child - so are more likely to remain feeling "negative".

Firstly, Diva is in a better position than me-she still has a partner, she's just being hypothetical from what I gather.My ex-the father to all my children, didn't want the baby and we split-would have done eventually anyway probably.
Secondly, I hardly know anyone that was planned! Even married couples may get caught out,but just accomadate.Money was an issue, but I'm extremely frugal by nature anyway and had a good maternity package.But,personally and this is not an attack, but I would feel I'd gone wrong somewhere If years down the line, my son who is 15 years older still harboured resentment to my baby for being born!This is not Les Miserables!No one is starving, just a bit of going without,niether of which includes clothes ,meals or educational things and definately not love and attention.

DIVA07984

Hi - all just an update

Well i have decided to keep the baby - i tossed and turned - i spoke to a friend that has been through abortion - i spoke to marie stopes - typical my luck i had an awful advisor/counsellor

I had a scan a couple of days after my last posting and was told i was 9 weeks and 1 day - this week i will be 11 weeks

I have told my mum - who was not happy - but hey i had to explain for me a termination was/is the worst of the two evils .

With regards to paying the mortgage my plan is to rent 2 rooms out ( the house has 3 living rooms/dining rooms. If this is successful it should hopefully bring me in at least £800 pounds - i will add a small amount - I have been told that w tax will give me about £250 plus will get the £117 maternity pay a week. So i will go for it . The dad is happy - but if he bails out(as some men do) My plan is already set - so i can raise my baby and look after current kids
without having to feel totally dependant on him.

angelfairy

Hi Diva,

Thanks for the update.

Glad you have taken the time to decide what is right for you.

Why not join us over on the pregnancy board??? We are a friendly bunch :-)

JCP

It must be a relief to have made your decision.

Just be aware that any income above £4250 a year which you earn from lodgers will fall outside of the Inland Revenue's Rent A Room scheme and will have to be declared for tax purposes.

Best of luck!

galvanizersbaby

Good luck Diva, hope everything goes well for you x