Can't agree on baby's surname!

carbonmonoxide

**kym** wrote: »

I hope you come up with a non-ridiculous solution - I actually knew a family that ALL changed their last name to something completely different to avoid all the complications! :rotfl:

lol - that's one way of solving the problem! Bit extreme though, I hope they chose something good after going to all that trouble!

ameliarate

Seriously it's all been really good so far, and the kids love having him there - he's ever so good with them whether he thinks it or not!

Hi Jo-R, glad to hear it is going well so far and I hope it continues to do so (I am sure it will).
Interestingly there is a thread about this on Money Savers Arms. I have never been in this position so am not sure how I would feel, except I would hate to get married and take on a different name to that of my daughter. Personally, for what it's worth, my suggestion would be to go for a hyphenated name if possible.

poly1

Thought I would add my bit too. When I was pregnant (way back in 1998) with dd1 we had long discusions about this, firstly because we weren't married and secondly because my OH is foreign (i.e. has a bit of a weird surname). Neither of us liked the idea of double-barrelling primarily cos with our names it would sound really silly! In the end we decided that my dd1 would take his name because 1. we thought we would get married and 2. he wanted some associations to his nationality (we don't see his family that much, they are all still in his home country). Now we have dd2 (born in 2006) she also has his surname, BUT we never actually got round to getting married , so I am the odd one out, which is a bit of a standing joke between the four of us!
The only thing is, this is the advantage of them having his surname, nobody has ever questioned that I am their mother even with a different name, and of course none would ask him if they were his because they had his name. But I do know someone whose situation is reversed (i.e. the children took her name) and their father gets asked all the time if he is actually the dad to his own children (three of them) because they have a different name! Something maybe worth considering?

nesssie1702

When I got married 4 years ago, I didn't take my DH's surname - it's difficult to spell and no-one seems to get it right. Anyway, I was of the opinion that why should I change my name, as it was given to me at birth and just because I married shouldn't mean that I had to change my name.

We don't have any kids, and if any come along I'm prepared for them to take their Dad's name, but I'm sticking to my guns and staying with the name I was given!

arthur_dent_2

I am sorry, but I have to disagree with most of the posters and say that of course the child should have the fathers surname. I truly cannot see why anyone who is having a baby and is sure of paternity would want any different. You may aswell say I love you now but who knows we might break up in the future, it is hardly a connitment to the father if you can't even allow his child his name.

Zoetoes

When I got with my now OH, I already had a 4 year old with my surname, when he was 7 we had another baby, again my surname, because a)we're not married, if we do get married then I would change mine and the kid's names, and b) because I didn't want my kids to have different names from each other.

Zoetoes

arthur_dent wrote: »

I am sorry, but I have to disagree with most of the posters and say that of course the child should have the fathers surname. I truly cannot see why anyone who is having a baby and is sure of paternity would want any different. You may aswell say I love you now but who knows we might break up in the future, it is hardly a connitment to the father if you can't even allow his child his name.

galvanizersbaby

arthur_dent wrote: »

I am sorry, but I have to disagree with most of the posters and say that of course the child should have the fathers surname. I truly cannot see why anyone who is having a baby and is sure of paternity would want any different. You may aswell say I love you now but who knows we might break up in the future, it is hardly a connitment to the father if you can't even allow his child his name.

I think you kind of answered your own question there
I think in this instance (and same for many others) there are more members of the family other than just mum, dad and baby to consider.

Jo_R_2

arthur_dent wrote: »

I am sorry, but I have to disagree with most of the posters and say that of course the child should have the fathers surname. I truly cannot see why anyone who is having a baby and is sure of paternity would want any different. You may aswell say I love you now but who knows we might break up in the future, it is hardly a connitment to the father if you can't even allow his child his name.

I see what you are saying but surely you can say exactly the same in reverse? Ie "You may aswell say I love you now but who knows we might break up in the future, it is hardly a connitment to the mother if you can't even allow her child her name."

arthur_dent_2

The other children would have their fathers surname. If you are unfortunate enough to have been part of a relationship breakdown then that does not change the child/childrens paternity. Surely everyone goes into a relationship believing it will be forever, even if it does not pan out that way.