Can't sleep..

Shoozles

In April 2007 my boyfriend and I were both made redundant from reasonably well paid jobs. Our redundancy money kept us going for a while, and I got a new job 2 months later, but my boyfriend was out of work until February 2008 and even now is still temping on minimum wage. I was working three jobs to support us but I had a breakdown and had to give up. I am now self employed. I supported us for a long time on credit cards. They are now maxed out and I can't afford the repayments. My mobile phone has been disconnected and every direct debit for household bills fails.

I am working from 9am to 12am every day. I couldn't sleep tonight so got up to do more work. My boyfriend is sleeping peacefully. Every single debt, every household bill, is in my name.

My parents suggested to me this week that I go bankrupt. But I don't want to lose my business or my professional status, or any other of the downsides of bankrupcy. I also don't see why I should have to go bankrupt when I am mainly in this mess because I supported my boyfriend having a year off work.

He just keeps getting irritated with me for being so stressed about it, but as I said, it's all in my name, he doesn't have to deal with the constant letters or phone calls.

I just needed to write this down. I know there is nothing I can do about it, but that doesn't stop me feeling so down about it all.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Shoozles

Oh and I almost forgot - today's stress was added to because I was stopped by the police this morning to tell me that my MOT is out of date. I wasn't aware of this. My car is really old and I'm so worried that it will fail and I won't be able to pay for the repairs. It will be written off then won't it? I need my car to be able to do alot of my work. And to take my boyfriend to work and pick him up again because he doesn't drive.

kazmeister

Hi Shoozles

Firstly I want to say well done for plucking up the courage to post about your problems - its a big step.

Secondly I am not one to offer any advice but it wont be long before the people with info about getting help will be along.


I know you're worried and cant sleep and I know it might not help to know but you're not alone and everyone of us on here is here for the same reason - DEBT. We're all in it and trying to get our way out and there will be the answers that you need, just hang in there, suggestions will be on their way soon.

10past6

Hi Shoozles :hello:

Welcome to the forum, as the main man himself says, there’s always an answer.

Let’s take this step by step, first of all, click here, complete your SOA, and let’s see if any additional savings can be made.

Going bankrupt is a very serious decision, and should only be taken when the full implications of what’s involved have been assessed, there is a bankruptcy forum on here, click here and have a read.

Does your OH have any intention of finding employment, if so, when?

Dealing with debts, is always stressful, there are many heartbreaking stories on this board, and thankfully most of the outcomes are successful, which gives me the motivation to continue to fight on.

It’s important to put your debts into some kind of order, in that providing you know your legal rights regarding what action creditors can take, and cannot take, you will find dealing with debts does get easier, regardless of what the creditors threaten in there template letters :rotfl:

It's war out there, us against them, don't be afraid to ask if sometings bothering you.

bobbie78

Hi,

I'm not to good with the finance advice in this situation but it does sound to me like you have an STD - Sexually Transmitted Debt. This is nothing to be ashamed of, I've been there I picked up quite a bad one at uni where I just ended up paying my parter of the times phone bills etc etc all from my student loans while I live on super noodles yet fast forward to today and I'm still paying the loans back.

I know you must me crazy busy with work etc but maybe watch some judge judy, it might sound nuts and alot of the law doesn't apply here, but it does help you open your eyes sometimes to what is going on in front of you. So you have all this debt but if you have nothing in writing saying he is going to pay his share at any point and he's spent a year slacking off as you're bailing him out all the time do you think he is going to change if he doesn't really need to?

Before he was made redundant did he like that job and there just aren't the same jobs now to go back into it? or do you think he wants to do something else and could do with some career counciling of some sort from someone like learndirect maybe or similar you help him get back on track a bit and be a bit more helpful financially?

Does he appreciate that he has helped run up these debts too even if they are just in your name and that he could get a second job to help out too?

People often talk about cccs and payplan on here to help figure out how to pay things back without it getting as far as bankruptcy but if you do your SOA people should be able to help see if it is fixable or not with your current situation.

It is hard to give advice on these things only you know how you feel about him but eventually when things like this are unequal for so long, and especially if you start to feel hard done by it could cause problems in your relationship. So it depends really do you want to pay off the debt at any cost knowing he has no legal requirement to help you pay it back and has lived on you long enough, or do you want to find a way to pay it back but also try and get him to understand this is partly his responsibility too and at some point he'll need to come back into the real world and contribute again.

I'm sorry if this steps over a line, like I said someone will be able to help better advise on the finance only stuff, but I've been there and it ate away at me and ended up killing the relationship and leaving me with the bills, in the end it was the right thing to do as it woke both of us up so I took responsibility for myself a bit more and wasn't such a soft touch any more, and they also lost their free lunch so had to grow up very quickly and now has a "proper" job etc but if we'd stayed together I don't think either of us would have got to where we are now which is better off really for both of us.

There must be a way to fix this without it coming to that but it sounds like there is some resentment there from reading your post, so if you don't want to loose him you'll have to find a way to deal with that or you might end up like me. Please feel free to ignore everything i've said if i'm totally miss understanding your situation as I mean to cause no offence. Either way good luck and try and get some sleep if you can.

x_raphael_xx

bobbie78 wrote: »

it does sound to me like you have an STD - Sexually Transmitted Debt.

:rotfl:This made me double take! I was just about to read the first post again to see where I'd missed shoozles had written she was itchy 'down below'. Must stop skim reading lol !

Shoozles don't panic, you've taken the first step and posted, you'll find this board full of helpful friendly people. Pop up your SOA and we will tweek it for you

doodledo_2

Morning and welcome to the forum you have definately come to the right place.

As someone has said above a SOA is a brilliant place to start and seeing everything on paper seems to provide some relief, think its a bit like therapy lol

Your OH has to get a job, any job even if its only a stop gap job. He can not expect you to pay for both of you and service your debts. With it coming up to Xmas there should be lots of short term jobs available in factories and shops. Ok not ideal for everyone but some money coming in is better than none at all. My hubby did a pretty crummy low paid job after he was made redundant, but it was better he brought in that low wage than no wage or job seekers. He kept looking for work whilst he was there and was only there around 6 months in the end. In this climate and with debts you can't afford to be chosey.

Good luck with your journey.

Shoozles

Thank you so much for your replies. I managed to get a few hours sleep and I'm off to work now (of sorts - I'm attending a craft fair to sell my wares!) so I will have a proper read and reply later. Just reading through your replies has helped me feel better already and I look forward to clicking the links later and starting to deal with this at last.

And the STD comment made me double take too!!

Thank you x

doodledo_2

It did me too although its a brilliant expression, maybe STD should be put up in our DFW dictionary lol

Good luck with your fayre today hope you make lots of pennies

piptom&AndyPandy

Shoozles wrote: »

Oh and I almost forgot - today's stress was added to because I was stopped by the police this morning to tell me that my MOT is out of date. I wasn't aware of this. My car is really old and I'm so worried that it will fail and I won't be able to pay for the repairs. It will be written off then won't it? I need my car to be able to do alot of my work. And to take my boyfriend to work and pick him up again because he doesn't drive.

Where are you based I know some places round where I am do it for £25.00? don't know if this would help?

Also depending where you are if the car fails on smalls bits there is a company called in'n'out (not advertising this where I get mine done) that replace the bits free of charges e.g. even wipers

Pip
x

Shoozles

Thanks Pip, I'm in Bath. I did see an offer for half price MOT at Nationwide Autocentres, but that's on the other side of town, so I think I will just have to go to my regular garage!

Bad fair day today, I sold a few things but I'm at a loss for the day. Tomorrow is another day though!

I'm definitely going to do the SOA soon, but when my boyfriend isn't here, as I don't want him to see what I'm doing! I'll tell him afterwards but he thinks I get too stressed about it all.