Workplace harassment - should I leave

Bunnie1982

What people don't seem to realise is how much it can drag you down when the harassment is constant, how long should the OP have to ignore it and take it on the chin?

Degrading remarks regarding sexuality and relationships have no place in the workplace, whether in jest or not. Sensitivity needs to be shown.

OP I wish you well and certainly hope you get some resolution to these awful circumstances.

frugallass

mr pharmacist

having been in a similar postition in the past here's my advice:-

1. No matter what the result, you will never really enjoy that job properly, so I would start to look for something else

2. Log everything, your thoughts, feelings, actual events and comments

3. Speak to a union rep and get it on record

4. Speak to your line manager and get it on record (your supervision notes?)

5. Speak to the person/s involved - it's really hard to do but sometimes that's all it takes

6. Have you got a friend or relative who will listen and give their honest opinion, they know you better than we do and will be able to tell you if they think you're being too sensitive or if they think you have every right to pursue a grievance

Good luck !

pinkshoes

CFC wrote: »

Bullying and harassment policies are there for a reason. Some people have thick skin and can cope with comments which can send other, thin skinnned people into a terrible state. Workplaces differ - in one place there is friendly gossip/banter and in others there is veiled, or scarcely veiled, hostility.

Yes, there are harrassment policies, but they were invented by people who probably have never used one! Yes, it might stop the bullying/teasing/jokes, but the person who calls the harrassment police will then end up completely isolated, no one respecting or liking them, meaning they'll probably end up leaving their job (as if they had thick enough skin to ignore the jibes in the first place, then the jibes would have stopped as they gave no reaction).

In a perfect world they would work, but in reality ALL workplaces have office bullies. Given that Mr Pharmacist jumped down the throat of someone who dared to write something that he didn't agree with, it shows that perhaps he needs to address his attitude and not be so sensitive, otherwise they're just going to end up going from job to job, having the same problems.

I'm not saying everyone needs to grow thick skin, but I AM saying that it's important to learn to ignore stupid comments/gossip, and not to react to it.

frugallass

pinkshoes wrote: »

In a perfect world they would work, but in reality ALL workplaces have office bullies.

I'm not saying everyone needs to grow thick skin, but I AM saying that it's important to learn to ignore stupid comments/gossip, and not to react to it.

I disagree with you - my current workplace has no bullies or office bullies

Yeah it is important to learn to ignore comments and gossip but sometimes these people cross the line and take it to the next extreme - ie harassment and bullying

Phil_806

I had an instance of verbal bullying. My collegue threatened to leave if i didnt do something about it, so I spoke the person who was doing this "off the record" and explianed if it happened again there would be a disciplinary hearing and he would be formally cautioned..... it hasn`t happened since, so sometimes a gentle, friendly chat does the trick

sarah1980

I cannot believe the advice from people telling OP to "just ignore it"!! if your kids were being bullied at school, is that what you'd tell them? Perhaps in the belief it would "toughen them up" ready to face adult life??

I agree that sometimes invoking a workplace harrasment/bullying policy can be more trouble than it's worth (isolation, ridicule outside of work etc.) but that doesn't mean the OP should just grin and bear it. I've worked in a male-dominated environment before (football club) and the amount of sexism there was ridiculous! Some of the comments I could laugh off, but when it actually got to me to the extent it was affecting my work, I headed straight to the top and made it clear that I couldn't be productive in these conditions. Because the warning came from very high up, my colleagues had no choice but to jump into line and some of them even apologised!

No-one should have to be miserable at work because of harrassment/bullying. If it is affecting your health OP, and you really don't feel it will change by reporting it, you're better off out of there. There'll always be other jobs.

pinkshoes

frugallass wrote: »

I disagree with you - my current workplace has no bullies or office bullies

Yeah it is important to learn to ignore comments and gossip but sometimes these people cross the line and take it to the next extreme - ie harassment and bullying

Then you are VERY lucky.

I was "picked on" in my current job, but just laughed, and they got bored after a week and don't bother now. Instead we all have a good laugh together and all get on very well!

If the person being "bullied" had ignored them in the first place, would it have got to an extreme and crossed the line?

sarah1980 wrote: »

I cannot believe the advice from people telling OP to "just ignore it"!! if your kids were being bullied at school, is that what you'd tell them?

Kids are kids, so of course they might need help, although I would have been mortified if my parents stepped in and dealt with the bullying.

We're talking grown ups here, and I'm not talking grinning and bearing it either! I'm talking about PREVENTING it i.e. don't react!

Surely prevention is better than a cure?

sarah1980 wrote: »

No-one should have to be miserable at work because of harrassment/bullying. If it is affecting your health OP, and you really don't feel it will change by reporting it, you're better off out of there. There'll always be other jobs.

I agree, but this is the second time this has happened to the OP, and they also (completely unnecessarily) were rude to someone's response, which doesn't bode well for their attitude and shows that they're possibly rather over sensitive and could react over-dramatically for something that might not even be that significant.

I'm just trying to point out that the OP could be the cause, or is certainly not helping themself.

sarah1980

pinkshoes wrote: »

Then you are VERY lucky.

I was "picked on" in my current job, but just laughed, and they got bored after a week and don't bother now. Instead we all have a good laugh together and all get on very well!

If the person being "bullied" had ignored them in the first place, would it have got to an extreme and crossed the line?



Kids are kids, so of course they might need help, although I would have been mortified if my parents stepped in and dealt with the bullying.

We're talking grown ups here, and I'm not talking grinning and bearing it either! I'm talking about PREVENTING it i.e. don't react!

Surely prevention is better than a cure?

It is not up to the "victim" to prevent it happening. That's like getting into the whole "women who are raped were asking for it" debate. The OP never said that they did react - perhaps they didn't - not all bullies give up that easily. Besides, it could be something very serious they are accusing him of, amounting to slander.

As for school, I'm not suggesting a parent go down to the school and sort the bullies out. But if they have a meeting with the teacher and the bullies are hauled up in front of the headmaster and read the riot act, and their own parents are informed, I am sure that's better than just "not reacting" to it.

frugallass

pinkshoes wrote: »

Then you are VERY lucky.

I was "picked on" in my current job, but just laughed

If the person being "bullied" had ignored them in the first place, would it have got to an extreme and crossed the line?

I'm not just lucky, I'm realistic ! I can't believe that you still think that being 'picked on' and being bullied or harassed are the same thing. Bullying and harassment is serious, just take a look at the various websites out there !

Just by ignoring a problem doesn't necessarily make it go away - get real !

SomeBozo

I'm not just lucky, I'm realistic ! I can't believe that you still think that being 'picked on' and being bullied or harassed are the same thing. Bullying and harassment is serious, just take a look at the various websites out there !

I dont think anyone has said that it is not serious.

The fact is we don't know the bullying that is happening. We only have one side of the story and even thats vague. The OP needs help obviously.

But check out his reaction to the "have a look at yourself first" posting.

Anyone reacting like that (which was OTT and not warranted) to a post on a internet forum, from someone giving up their time trying to help someone, has some "personal" issues to address first.

Bozo