Workplace harassment - should I leave

gordonstights

mr_pharmacist wrote: »

clearly it's all my fault as you say despite me being an excellent worker.

I don't think it's all your fault at all. I can't offer any advice in this but I feel for you having to put up with this !!!!!! from people at work and hope it's stopped very soon.

SomeBozo

mr_pharmacist wrote: »

What an utterly useless response. How would you like to be in a situation were people you work with are making insinuations about your sexuality and your family based on lies, then you have to deal with it again in the next workplace and yes it is the same accusations which have found their way there as I have been met with the same remarks I got before although that 'holds next to no credibility' with you. The people making stupid and hurtful comments all the time to disrupt my work, clearly it's all my fault as you say despite me being an excellent worker.

What I have described above goes against at least three major elements of the company's anti-bullying guidleines so I feel my case is pretty strong. There is a line between gossip and harassment and this one crosses it by miles.

Oh dear oh dear.

This is the type of response a "gossipper" loves! By reacting like this you are fanning the flames!

Don't let it get to you! Issues about your sexuality?! This is all beneath you insn't it? Let the babies have their bottle. A wry grin and a wink can diffuse this.

I had a manager who people were horrible too. Ultimately they were horrible to him because he was good at his job and paid more. Some of the rumours were downright vicious.

When he heard about it, he would often walk in the office and say "Whats the latest rumour about me?, its not the one about the goat again is it?" People can't handle that.

sleeping with male colleagues

I heard you did. Matt saw you with Mike at that bar and you turned him down cos you like the new girl, do you know what that means?!

(And thats how gossip begins)

Bozo

DKLS

How about turning it on them, if they are suggesting your homsexual, camp it up and mince around the office!. They will soon get bored, they way you react is crucial, if you get all mardy and go into victim mode, as others have said they will go for you more.

I once brought in pics of me all dressed up in high heels, basque, and fishnets (Rocky Horror Show), I could have been offended by the comments that followed, but I didnt, I am comfortable in my own sexuality to be able to handle a few cross dressing !!!!!! jokes.

If its that kind of environment, you have to give as good as you get.

Otherwise find another role, its not worth getting stressed over.

Edit: Also, ask yourself do you really care what others think about you? As long as you have the love of your family and friends, in the scheme of things does the opinion of colleagues really matter?

Oldernotwiser

mr_pharmacist wrote: »

The problem is I have no real allies in the workplace as I haven't been there that long -under 2 years - and most of the other workers are women, therefore I'm not sure who I could rely on to back me up.

Why would you think that female co-workers wouldn't back you up?

Butterfliesarepretty

I do sympathise with you OP very much. Yes I know what unharmful gossip is and intentional gossip and being ostracised can do to your self esteem. you will eventually end up being in tears in the office as it can break you completely. try to ignore them but I know that is difficult because you are trying to do your job and trying to enjoy it also. I have burst into tears at times and found that when that happens due to stress, the bullying or gossip stops because they are embarrassed by upsetting you.

Make a note of times and dates and try and get proof, go straight to your union rep - is it the CWU - they have to support you its their job. Do not leave the job, do your best and try and get a good annual performance review so at least you are a good hard worker and they are the one with the problem. If you get no joy with your manager, keep going higher up.

Come in work early and leave early if you are on flexitime, and try and go to the gym or something to get your frustration out.

Stuff them, its your life and you have a right to live it in peace.:rotfl:

CFC

There are some very silly comments from some very ill informed people posted in here, although such comments may be well meant.

Bullying and harassment policies are there for a reason. Some people have thick skin and can cope with comments which can send other, thin skinnned people into a terrible state. Workplaces differ - in one place there is friendly gossip/banter and in others there is veiled, or scarcely veiled, hostility.

mrpharmacist is having a difficult time at work; he has asked for help. He is OFF SICK with stress from the environment at his work place. He has read the policies in his employee handbook and identified that that he believes there is harassment towards him.

The people harassing him may well not realise that they are doing this, which is why a resolution will be sought. It may be as simple as the manager telling the people who are commenting to him that they need to stop it as it is having a detrimental effect on mrpharmacist and it is not perceived as 'friendly banter'.

They do not have to like mrpharmacist, nor does he have to like them, but he should be able to go to work without being made miserable by other people. Of course gossip may go on behind his back, but he should not be subjected to comments within his hearing that he finds distressing.

This is not a matter of 'political correctness' - it is a legal duty for employers and failure to comply with the law can have serious risks for them.

SomeBozo

There are some very silly comments from some very ill informed people posted in here, although such comments may be well meant.

Bullying and harassment policies are there for a reason. Some people have thick skin and can cope with comments which can send other, thin skinnned people into a terrible state. Workplaces differ - in one place there is friendly gossip/banter and in others there is veiled, or scarcely veiled, hostility.

mrpharmacist is having a difficult time at work; he has asked for help. He is OFF SICK with stress from the environment at his work place. He has read the policies in his employee handbook and identified that that he believes there is harassment towards him.

The people harassing him may well not realise that they are doing this, which is why a resolution will be sought. It may be as simple as the manager telling the people who are commenting to him that they need to stop it as it is having a detrimental effect on mrpharmacist and it is not perceived as 'friendly banter'.

They do not have to like mrpharmacist, nor does he have to like them, but he should be able to go to work without being made miserable by other people. Of course gossip may go on behind his back, but he should not be subjected to comments within his hearing that he finds distressing.

This is not a matter of 'political correctness' - it is a legal duty for employers and failure to comply with the law can have serious risks for them.

Agree with most of this.

However look at the response mr pharmacist vbmenu_register("postmenu_14420397", true); posted when someone suggested that part of the problem maybe with him :

What an utterly useless response. How would you like to be in a situation were people you work with are making insinuations about your sexuality and your family based on lies, then you have to deal with it again in the next workplace and yes it is the same accusations which have found their way there as I have been met with the same remarks I got before although that 'holds next to no credibility' with you. The people making stupid and hurtful comments all the time to disrupt my work, clearly it's all my fault as you say despite me being an excellent worker.

What I have described above goes against at least three major elements of the company's anti-bullying guidleines so I feel my case is pretty strong. There is a line between gossip and harassment and this one crosses it by miles.

So lets check a few things.

We don't know mr pharmacist personally.
We don't know where he works.
We don't know how bad the gossip is.
We don't know what the gossip is about.

What we are doing is trying to hel mr pharmacist and part of that help (and all help) is take a long good look at ones self first.

I stand by what I posted and agree with PinkShoes and Conor.

Bozo

londondulwich

The position of the law is a mixture of objective and subjective criteria.

The greater weight being placed on the subjective experience of the victim.

Harassment is defined as : unwanted conduct which has the purpose or effect of violating dignity, or of creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment.

If the accused bullies deny harassment, explaining that the behaviour towards the complainant was:

"not bullying at all but merely the normal banter that goes on at work and for whatever reason, either you don't recognise it as that or you can't deal with it."

that,

"There's no malice in it, it's people having a bit of fun and breaking the monotony."

and,

"It will never be stopped so its how we deal with it. Unless you are a one man band, you will always have colleagues and hence gossip."

Anyway,

"Who cares what other people think and/or say?? Surely the only opinion that matters is your own and that of people who you care about?".


The tribunal must examine the behaviour complained of. It will consider the circumstances in which the conduct occurred and whether a reaonsable person would consider the conduct to violate dignity, humiliate etc... The legislation instructs the tribunal to have particular regard to the perception of the victim.

Pinzy

Regarding the transference from one workplace to another - very easily done! All it needs is one person to have worked at the old place, or even a relative/friend of someone who worked at the old place. We all know what a small world it can be.

I can immediately think of at least one person who planned to start a new 'work' life in a new company, 2 weeks later somebody else from their old company joined, and brought gossip with them. My friend laughed it off, at work...

I am soon to leave my job, a small part of the reason is treatment from the person above me. I have tried to resolve this, unfortunately their line manager has such a crush on this person, they refuse to listen. The next person up in the line daren't muddy the waters, and will agree with anything the first line manager says.. it has certainly been an interesting lesson. I'd love to be able to just go in, relax and do my job. To think I'd thought I'd be leaving the playground behind in adulthood!

The one important thing that has been said here and must be repeated is: your reaction.

Try and laugh it off, I know it's difficult, but if references are being made to your sexuality, the old "only at the weekend" joke always works.
Alternatively, if somebody is deliberately trying to wind me up, I will glance over, give them the briefest of friendly smiles and a nod, and get back to work (just normally, without making a show of it). This shows them yes I've acknowledged, but I've got more important things to be getting on with.

To those who think everyone should be able to laugh it off - everyone is not you.

Unfortunately someone who is completely innocent can end up the subject of malicous gossip, particularly if one nasty person gets a chip on their shoulder and gathers cronies to help (people, mostly, are sheep). Even ignoring them may not work, people can still make snide comments when passing your chair, or throwing paper balls at you "just a laugh innit", or gathering in their group to make a show of talking about you and pointing and laughing. Getting this every day would get anyone down. It happens. Anyone who believes otherwise is naive.

Fundamentally, you don't care about these people, they are not important in your life, so who gives a monkeys what they think. The only people's opinions who should matter, are the people who matter to you. Who you care about and respect.

(Apologies for the essay this has turned into!)

Lower your shoulders! Seriously, it helps.

Pinzy

Conor wrote: »

I find it extremely unlikely someone from your old job who was allegedly bullying you told someone at your new job. It holds next to no credibility.

Codswallop.